Only Human
by CaptainCharity
Summary: Kylo Ren invites someone new into his life in order to distract him from Rey's rejection of his proposal. Will this new woman be enough or will his connection with Rey break him ag
1. Chapter 1

Reasonably ashamed after his tantrum that ended up allowing the Resistance to retreat Kylo and his men returned to his command shuttle. Now with the Finalizer destroyed they would need to accommodate a new base ship and despite knowing the rebels would now have time to recoup their losses and get further away he gave orders to return to Starkiller base, regather their weapons and make their next move to end the Resistance from there.

Still seething and visibly trembling with fury Kylo returned to his quarters alone. Not only had he been so foolish as to not seize the opportunity to kill the last of the Rebellion on his first day as Supreme Leader but he had been furiously dejected by Rey and while he told himself this was to be expected, the continued and strengthened connection he shared with her through the Force had given him the slight hope that he wouldn't have to continue this battle alone. Just the idea of her by his side while they ruled over a new era in the galaxy unlike anything even his Grandfather had created sent static chills down his spine. He had no memorable feeling to compare it to but the way he'd felt when they were alone through the Force was something he wouldn't soon forget. For the short moments they were together in those times he felt still. The rage that constantly bubbled beneath his skin was calmed and he felt almost content during their brief meetings. The last image he focused on as he dropped his exhausted body onto the bed was the unadulterated anger in her eyes as she went for the lightsaber despite his proposal. He had to shake it, lest he never sleep again.

Kylo couldn't bear to be alone this night. Even though solitude was seemingly his natural state in the face of the horrific mixture of embarrassment and guilt he felt he called for his guards to send in a group of comfort maids for him to choose from. While Snoke was alive he would have never even pretended that such temptations existed within him, not wanting to appear weak and bound by temptations of the flesh to his Master he put those thoughts as far from himself as was possible and even now as the prison guards led women down the hall to his quarters he wasn't interested in physical release this night. No, the fearsome Kylo Ren just wanted to be close to someone, to somehow recapture even a fraction of how he'd felt alone with Rey and even if that didn't satiate him his sadistic side had a need to wound someone, so they hurt the way he knew she didn't.

There was a rapt knock at his door. "I have some choices for you, Supreme Leader!" With a slight wave of his hand Kylo slid open the door and in walked a squat, potbellied prison guard followed by three slender young girls, all collared, chained and veiled from head to waist. Kylo instantly regretted his decision. Despite his disdain for other humans he couldn't imagine feeling right with himself simply picking one of these slaves for his amusement. The thought of the way he'd seen his men so easily flaunt around their women in nights of celebration came to mind. At the time he thought nothing of their slovenliness and hedonism but now seeing these girls paraded like animals before him he felt almost ill. But wanting to appear the careless, cold hearted monster he'd portrayed himself to be he gestured them forward.

"What do you have for me here?" He nodded as the guard brought forward the first veiled girl.

"Well first Supreme Leader, we have our lovely Hibba," He unveiled a gorgeous caramel skinned girl with thick, shining dark hair braided down her back. The girl stood, quivering, her eyes downcast and unmoving she stepped forward and gave a shallow curtsy quickly stepping back into line and not once looking up to meet his eyes. "This beauty comes to us from Dathomir, very exotic and popular with the troopers." The disgust he felt in himself only magnified as the guard yanked her chain to make her look at him. Kylo could see the tears forming in her eyes as her lip shook in fear and as a favor to her and himself he pushed forward, prompting the guard to tug the second girl into view.

The next girl stumbled, so obviously disoriented by being brought before the new Supreme leader. If Kylo was being honest with himself, he did take a sick enjoyment from the fear he had so easily bestowed upon these women he'd never even laid eyes on. The power within the title spoke for itself as another trembling girl was unveiled to him. Again, the girl kept her gaze unwavering to the floor as she curtsied.

"This one is Galadia, she was born on Starkiller base, her family has worked honorably for the First Order since the beginning. Sacrificing their sons and daughters to the cause as storm troopers, but Galadia was just too beautiful to be put behind a helmet all her life. Don't you agree Leader?" And he was right. The girl stood quite tall for a woman, with slender limbs but pleasantly wide and inviting at the hips. She was pale but with light brown hair and dark lashes. For a moment she reminded him of Rey as for just a brief second, he caught her green-hazel eyes. Hers too, glossy and red with tears. Kylo looked down with his own embarrassment, he'd never once looked at women like this even from afar let alone scanning them like livestock for sale. He again waved the girl away, he began to think this was going to be a failed undertaking although he took a mild delight in their fear, he knew he wouldn't enjoy any positive emotions in holding these shaking creatures captive for a night.

Quickly the guard hurried the last girl forward. "Lastly Sir we have Chrystalline." He pulled the veil away almost aggressively obviously annoyed at the girls for already disappointing the Supreme Leader and making him look incompetent. Looking Kylo right in the face with large, deep brown eyes the girl stepped forward.

Kylo felt himself step back slightly with amazement, not only was she confidently meeting his gaze with not an ounce of hesitation, but she was stunning. Strong features, an elegant jaw going into a long slender neck, delicate, jutting collarbones and small but beautifully shaped breasts that perfectly filled the small top they'd all been given. Unlike the others she was blonde, but not naturally. She obviously made herself up often in a way the other girls did not.

"We're very proud to have this one Sir, she was just traded to us from Mygeeto, newly captured. She'd been arrested for petty theft. She has a lot of fight but is also untainted by anyone on the ship or at all for that matter." He held her chin up for Kylo to more closely inspect, obviously excited to show off his prized capture. The girl let out a grunt and snapped at his hand like the rapid beast she was being treated as making the guard draw his hand back quickly and yank tight on her collar. "HEY! What did I tell you Sir?" A fighter!"

Kylo laughed heartily, he was taken aback with her drastic difference from the other two girls. He thought to himself, at the very least she would make for an amusing evening even if it did digress into a proper wrestling match. "Yes, leave her please, she seems like fun." He chuckled as he waved the other two away. The guard nodded excitedly as he handed Chrystalline's leash to him as well as a key for her collar.

"Enjoy her Your Grace!" He smiled as he yanked hard on the other girls, somehow Kylo knew they'd be punished for not being chosen in the violent way he tugged them from his quarters, the smile faded from his own face as the realization crossed his mind, but with more pressing matters he turned to his selection. The girl stood tall, her eyes fixed on him as he walked slowly around her, taking her in from all angles while also deciding what in the galaxy he was going to say to this woman, now that they'd been left alone he suddenly felt utterly unprepared.

"Chrystalline, what a peculiar and beautiful name." He started, simply enough. The girl's face remained stern, almost indifferent to his much larger form stalking around her. She blinked and met his eyes again as he stopped in front of her.

"It was my mother's. She died in child birth." In her emotionless tone Kylo could sense she'd told the story many a time before.

"Well, it suits you." Kylo went to remove her collar, but stopped short. "Now you're not going to bite me too if I release you?" He smiled coyly.

Chrystalline raised her eyebrows a bit but didn't return the smile. "Of course not Supreme Ruler, I know my place." She lifted her head slightly to present the lock.

He didn't like to see the women come in in chains but now as he worked the key into the collar he savored the last few moments of the semblant total physical control he currently possessed over a girl of such beauty. Feeling an animalistic urge to caress the bare skin of her neck that he'd never experienced before.

'Well,' he thought 'Is that not what she's here for?' Kylo stepped even closer to her, grasping her chin with one hand and raising it as the other traced down her neck and met the lock. He unfastened it and removed the heavy metal collar from her throat, revealing thick irritated indentions where it was cutting into her soft lily-white skin. He covered the marks with his hands rubbing slightly to relieve it. Her eyes again met his with this action. Kylo felt his face grow hot with embarrassment and self-amazement. Having never touched a woman intimately before he was amazed at how easily and instinctual doing so was. This time he was the one to break the eye contact, feeling almost uncomfortable at her undeviating gaze.

"Why don't I frighten you the way I did the other maids?" He blurted. He couldn't help beg the question, was it not obvious to everyone at the time?

"What's there to fear? The worst you'll do is kill me. At this point, I'd welcome it." She said plainly, her demeanor was almost bored. "However much you're planning to hurt me, it won't feel anywhere near as terrible as I have since I've been captured. Having lost my freedom…." She trailed off and a look of pure anguish overtook her face as she quickly turned away from him to hide it. "I have nothing else to live for, especially not to be a pleasure vessel for the men of the First Order." Her shoulders dropped in resignation.

"Perhaps it will comfort you to know I didn't bring you here for that tonight." Kylo offered, all the early desire to break something beautiful had left him and now he simply wanted this stolen girl to realize he could offer her something, maybe not the freedom she desired but certainly not the fate of being pinned under a sweaty, heaving man she didn't know for an evening.

Her head snapped back around again, and she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Then what do you want with me?"

He stepped towards her again, fighting the growing desire to reach out and touch her once more. "I don't want to be alone tonight. I'm sure you heard people talking on your way in here. How could you not. I made a true mess of things today, not to mention that my master was slaughtered before my eyes." His lie becoming fact the more times he repeated it. "I'm so tired of always being alone, I just couldn't take it tonight." He sat down heavily on his bed again. "You don't even have to touch me Chrystalline, although I wish you would… I just need someone here." He sneered at how pathetic he must sound. Him, the heartless and murdering Supreme leader, begging a strange chamber maid to simply sleep next to him through the night, _disgusting_.

The girl's lead like demeanor seemed to shift in front of him, she was obviously letting her guard down as she watched the towering Jedi killer transform into a simple human before her eyes. All the stories she's been told in the few days on the ship about the soulless Kylo Ren seemed not to fit the person she stared at now. As she watched him drop his head in his hands and let out a staggering sigh she uncrossed her arms and went to him. Before she even knew what she was doing she found herself quietly kneeling before him and taking one of his God like hands away from his face so his eyes could meet hers. She didn't quite know what to say, but she felt he understood in her gesture and if the stories were true, within her mind that he didn't have to be alone tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Kylo breathed a small sigh of relief, feeling the girl relax and place herself before him with the sudden change in her movements he could sense her opening to him mentally as well. As he became aware of her gaze on the top of his head he listened without effort.

 _I'm here._

As she grabbed his hand in hers his bearing softened even further and he lifted his eyes to hers once more. No longer in front of him was the hardened captive he'd been presented with just moments ago. His inability to hold his own composure to this stranger and be the monster any longer that day had been the key to the opportunity for both of them to become vulnerable in this safe space alone together. They continued for what felt like hours just like that, still and staring, with each passing second delving deeper into one another. He watched as her eyes flicked quickly around his face, almost droid like, scanning his features like she too had the ability to simply read him. In that moment he wished that she did, the more he disclosed to her the harder it became to open his mouth and divulge vocally his genuine need. At the very least he was sure in this moment his decision to call on the guards for comfort maids wasn't in vain, he had found something … someone for now.

And while the difference between what he was feeling alone now with this strange woman and the way he felt in those precious Force bonded times with Rey couldn't rightly be compared he knew that this opportunity with Chrystalline was something significant special in it's own way, in that from this moment on he could be genuinely himself, without the mask the way he hadn't been able to in the first place with Rey.

Coming back to himself in remembrance that she couldn't hear him too, he moved to speak again.

"Thank you." He croaked as his hand enveloped hers.

"Well, Supreme Leader, what do we do now?" She sighed sweetly, her eyes imploring.

Having never had a woman in his bedroom, Kylo froze in the thought of what to do next. He was drained in such a way he felt he might just collapse through the next few days if he laid down now, but he couldn't be bothered to decide to do anything more. He had already made up his mind that he would allow himself to be the vulnerable being that he often was when he was alone in front of this woman. He didn't care if she saw him exposed for the mere mortal he was, that was essentially her purpose was it not? To comfort a man in his most primal times?

"Just lay with me, please. I'm so tired. I'll make sure anything you need is delivered to the room, but I just need... I need to rest." With the very admission he felt his lids grow heavier and squeezed lightly on her hand before standing and pulling her up with him.

"I can do that." Chrystalline spoke softly and stepped back as he moved past her to pull back the blankets. She was having trouble conceiving what was happening. Less than thirty minutes ago she was being lead through the ship to be foreseeably defiled, possibly tortured or even killed by a man who's reputation alone had left the other women in tearful wrecks and now she was dumbstruck watching a seemingly broken person crawl into bed asking for nothing but her company. She very much hoped this wasn't all some kind of act, but for some reason her gut told her it wasn't, that this man who looked in the face to be barely more than a boy just wanted to be near someone in an even slightly affectionate manner, she felt almost more sorry for him in that moment than she did herself as she watched him strenuously remove his tunic from over his broad shoulders. As if compelled she tripped over her own feet in an effort to help him, but he had finished and began to lay back on the bed, eyes already closing.

"Come." He held his hand out loosely, scooting over to make room for her. She could hear in his voice that as soon as she laid down he would be asleep and she felt okay with that. Surely she was safe as a maid in the Supreme Leader's quarters and if she wasn't then she would maintain her original slogan; that she wasn't afraid, but as she sat and then laid awkwardly next to his immense and sculpted form, she felt safe, even if thinking so was delusional. His fatigue was contagious and as soon as she settled, listening to his ragged breaths become slower and steadier she let the exhaustion wash over her as well and closed her eyes.

Although he was half way asleep when he felt the weight of her go still next to him and then without asking and with barely any realization of what he was doing he turned to her and wrapped his arm around her small waist, with one gentle pull he brought her close so her back was flush to his chest. The sensation caused him to stir awake, though he wouldn't make it obvious to her, he who had denied he ever would sink such base human needs now wholly understood why men so excitedly talked about the warmth of a woman. Feeling his body mold around her soft edges he could feel her shiver imperceptibly and a small smile crept across his face knowing perhaps now he had managed to scare her just a bit. The closer her pulled her the more daring he became, burying his face in the length of her hair and breathing in the scent of her. She smelled sweet and floral with just a hint of musk, he couldn't remember the last time he'd smelt something so very feminine and really made notice of it, probably not since he was a boy wrapped in his mother's robes. He shook his head at the memory, he wouldn't let himself sink back into a dark place just yet.

"I know I said I wouldn't touch you, but this... you feel so lovely." His voice came husky and low.

Chrystalline had felt slightly frightened as she felt the strength of him encircle her. She felt in his grip just how easily he could hurt her if he wished to and she knew he sensed this fear as her body let out an uncontrollable tremble at his touch. She clamped her lips tightly as not to squeak in surprise, she knew he had said he didn't have to touch her if she didn't want to, but as his breath warmed her ear and made the baby hairs on the nape of her neck tickle her gently she resigned herself to this current fate. How bad could being wrapped in a strange man's arms be if he wasn't forcing his will upon her. Certainly of all the rooms she could have ended up sold into tonight this was the least degrading. Chrystalline, unlike Kylo, had loved and been loved before.

At sixteen she had fallen in love with a young merchant captain, Abel, who made rounds to her planet often. She would sneak out late at night against her father's wishes, when he'd finished business for the day and snuggle close with him under the stars in the rolling hills outside the city. He had been patient with her and they didn't consummate their love until he returned on her eighteenth birthday where he proposed to her in the outdoor cafe they'd first met as firebugs blinked magically around them. He had been honorable and first asked her father's permission to take her hand. Her father reluctantly agreed, having hoped his daughter would seek a husband of higher status, himself being part of the Intergalactic Congress he knew his colleagues would speak poorly of his daughter's decent on the social ladder, but she was happy and he couldn't deny that.

Her fiance took off on one last trade journey before their set wedding date, but when he didn't return and no word of his ship did either Chrystalline grew frantic. Without her father's permission or any means of commerce she stole off in the night towards the starship docks. With what little knowledge her husband to be had taught her of piloting a jet, she managed to jump start a parajet and get just out of orbit when she was swiftly caught by galactic police. She had never been so angry at herself for letting her emotions cloud her judgment so greatly. Had she better prepared she knew she could have made it out to find Abel.

Despite her status, her crime was enough to have her thrown in prison where she was traded by crooked guards to the First Order's resident pimp and that had landed her where she was now, wrapped in a powerful, but strange man's arms, kicking herself for every decision she's made that had landed her so far from her sweet Abel, whom, for that matter, she didn't have any idea if he was alive or dead, what if he was searching for her at this very moment, tearing through the galaxy without the slightest clue of which direction to go. For the first time since she'd been captured Chrystalline felt tears welling in her eyes. She kept still as not to rouse the man now sleeping behind her, but couldn't help but realize the nauseous sensation of guilt swelling in her stomach. She swallowed hard and shut her eyes tightly, perhaps a sort of Alliance with the Supreme leader would be a sure route to escape if not at the very least he could help her discover what had happened to her lost groom. With that thought restoring the slightest amount of calm within her she synced her breath with the leader's and fell off to sleep herself.

Kylo began to wake just as heavily as he'd fallen asleep, quickly becoming aware of the warm thing pressing against his chest, still half in a dream state he pulled the figure close to him again.

'Yes,' he thought. Rey had seen reason, she had accepted his proposal and was now not only his ally but was sleeping softly next to him, finally, she was fully his. So confident in his success he brought his free hand up to stroke her hair, bringing the length of it to his face to smother himself with the scent of her. He felt her stir as his touches became more intrusive. His hand dropping from her hair and laying lightly across the bare skin of her neck and decolletage.

"I knew you would come." He whispered, his lips brushing the shell of her ear. "I knew you wouldn't leave me..." The excitement within him made him wrap around her even tighter, he felt as though he couldn't get close enough. He wanted to crawl within her skin and feel all of her interlaced with him. He wouldn't ever let her slip away from him again. As his breath grew heavier on her neck he felt her begin to stir, first gently and then more violently, now tugging at his hands. With confusion he grabbed her waist again. "No, please, Rey, stay close to me." He begged, but the girl fought harder.

"I AM NOT REY!" The girl screamed and then fell from the bed as he released her, reality crashing harshly around him and the sleep being torn quickly from his vision. All the memories of last night and the previous day flooded back to him and he shot up in the bed seeing Chrystalline wide eyed and crumpled on the floor.

"Chrystalline, I... I'm sorry. I was dreaming, I didn't mean to..." He leapt out of bed to help her up.

Seeing in his eyes his sincerity she relaxed and allowed him to approach her.

"It's, alright, I was just sleeping so deeply it really took me by surprise." She stood with her hands in his as he righted her. "Who is this Rey, if I might ask Supreme Leader?"

"She's no one important to me anymore." He lied. "And that's all you need to know." He turned away from her, flustered and embarrassed. His skin still feverish from his delusional dream. Even when he and Rey were together through the Force he had never thought of her in such a way. The arousal he was feeling now was alien to him, how dare she permeate his thoughts this way, not after her outright and brutal rejection of him and everything he was. Sleeping close to this stranger had unlocked an unexplored territory in his mind and the strength of the pull he felt to enter it scared him. If he was to regain his senses to continue as the Supreme Leader this day he knew he had to put some distance between them. "So, I shall return you to the guards now, I have business to attend to. Thank you for your services maid." He said coldly, without even turning to her.

Chrystalline filled with a frenzied indignation. Gods was he serious? " _Maid?"_ After she had let down her guard and given up the fight to alleviate his pain last night he was going to simply dispose of her and forget even her name? She hadn't felt so used in her entire life. The anger bubbled in her so intensely she couldn't even think of what to say, she just stood her ground, hoping he could feel the burning hole she was staring into his back.

And he could, Kylo seeped into her thoughts without really wanting to, knowing she would hate him just as everyone else did at this moment.

 _How dare you, I opened myself to comfort you and this is how I'm repayed? Thrown away without a second thought. You really are ….a monster._

Kylo couldn't fathom the thought of another creature on this ship hating him with such passion. He quickly reconsidered and turned back to her.

"I'm not a good person, but I won't be a monster, not yo you. You're right Chrystalline. You've shown me nothing but kindness." She stood with her arms crossed and gazed right past him, hardening herself to him once again. She couldn't let herself buy into his charm so easily again, she was nothing but a captive on his ship after all. How silly of her to expect to be treated as anything else. "I'll make sure you're taken care of."

He quickly realized the thought of sending her back to the guards and allowing them to sell her to troopers to be used like a plaything sickened him more than he thought possible. It was something he'd never really taken a moment to comprehend but now he knew he couldn't return her to such a fate, not after she had been so selfless in letting him be close to her.

"I have to train, but I will call for the chamber maids to bring you breakfast and run you a bath. I won't return until late tonight, but you will be safe here for now. I'm sorry for even suggesting I'd be rid of you so easily. Please accept my gestures of apology."

Chrystalline softened but wouldn't allow herself to let her guard down again, not just yet. He couldn't just win her respect back so easily. She kept her eyebrows knitted and eyes averted from him but nodded swiftly, she was admittedly starving for real food and the thought of a bath seemed more like a dream since she'd been enslaved on the ship.

Kylo nodded back, accepting the coldness from her, well deserved as it was and swiftly gathered his garments to make his way to the training room. Looking her direction one more time before exiting the room he regarded her once more.

"Alright, I'll see you tonight."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Kylo walked hurriedly to the training room, although the room on the command ship wasn't near as equipped as the training corridor on the Equalizer it would have to do for today. He desperately needed to exhaust himself yet again to rid himself of thoughts of _her._ Still reeking with embarassment of having been caught calling out Rey's name. Sure, Chystalline had no idea who Rey was or what she meant to him but it was of course his luck that the first night he ever spent next to anyone he would do something so utterly shameful.

Stomping past troopers without so much as a nod he turned the corner towards the door and was hit square in the waist almost knocking him off his feet by the boar faced pimp who'd brought him Chrystalline.

"Ah Supreme Leader, my apologies Sir!" He said nervously. "I was just on my way to your room to retrieve the girl for you!"

"I don't remember calling for you." Kylo grunted sternly regaining his composure.

"Oh no Sir, you didn't, I just assumed you'd be ready to return her, it's usually standard procedure. I'm sure you got your fill." He said slyly, wriggling his thick eyebrows.

Kylo crumpled his face in disgust. He couldn't believe this man had been allowed to run this business under the First Order for so long and that he had been so oblivious to the utter vileness of the practice.

"The girl is to remain in my quarters, I've made sure she's properly attended too. I'll no longer be in need of your services, now if you'd get out of my way." Kylo made to walk forward, he felt dirty for even having business to discuss with this cretin.

"Uh... well, Leader, that girl is valuable property and newly acquired. I'd be out quite a lot of capital if I just loaned her to you indefinitely." The man squeaked, looking at the ground.

Hearing Chrystalline referred to as property filled him with a white hot rage, he was instantly reminded of Rey, being enslaved as a child and made to scavenge a literal wasteland for all the years she had in memory, her owner too had been a detestable bottom feeder much like the man before him. He glared at the squat man his body trembling, how could these people live with themselves, stealing innocents and using them whichever way they pleased. Yes, under Kylo's command many had perished but somehow in his mind this was worse. What kind of life was it to be bought and sold for the pleasure of hateful slobbering men. Without a second thought his hand went up, throwing the man towards and up the wall, gasping for breath.

"What was my name?!" He bellowed.

"Supreme...leader..." The man choked, wriggling under his Force.

"That's exactly right, so what I want I shall have without question. Those women are not your property! As soon as we land I will see to it that they're released and you subsequently are sold to the highest bidder for meat like the Godless animal you are!" Still forcing the man against the wall he caught sight of two troopers approaching down the hall. "Men!"

They rushed forward hastily and stood at attention.

"Yes, Supreme Leader?!" The barked in unison.

"Take this filth to the smallest cell we have and make sure of it that he's not fed. He could stand to lose a few, well... fifty pounds." He chortled as the troopers grabbed the pimp by both arms and let him go.

"Yes Sir!" They hurried off, the man bouncing between them like a toddler, his feet not touching the floor. The surge of fury was exhilarating, exactly what he needed to get his blood pumping for a proper training session. With a self satisfied smirk he entered the training room and removed his tunic, activating the training droids and diving into the defensive. Picturing the small man's head in place of each robotic face. He swung furiously, all the shame and self loathing that lingered from yesterday seeping into his forethought, causing his vision to bleed red. Four droids descended all at once and he met each one like clockwork, the harder he swung the more focused he became, grunting harder with each blow. Fighting was the closest thing he had to release and he embraced it as his mind, for the time being, grew clear

Chrystalline held her knees to her chest with her back to the cold tungsten headboard of the Leader's bed. Conflict brewing within her as she thought of what Abel would do if he knew she had been held so tightly by someone else, let alone that someone being the new leader of the First Order, reeking havoc on the entire galaxy. Surely if Abel was still alive, which, Gods, she prayed he was, he would understand she had no choice in the matter, better she be held close by him rather than subjected to the filthy wishes of any other man aboard the ship. Yes, she knew her fiance, he would just be grateful to know she's safe, for now. She shook her head trying to distance herself from those thoughts. She knew if she was to make it off this ship alive she would have to remain alert and present to her surroundings. With that realization came a metallic knock at the door.

Chrytalline sat straight, expecting a few small women to enter for her breakfast and bath. Much to her surprise the door slid open and in walked a brigade of droids, some small rolling models and a few slender faceless, humanoid bots all beeping and mechanically squealing as they pushed a cart equipped with a large tub. The slender droids made their way over to Chrytalline taking both her hands and wordlessly standing her up. She felt a nervous laugh escape her as they meticulously undressed her and lead her to the tub, two others pouring steaming pitchers of water around her as she was sat down into the vat. This was unlike anything Chrystalline had ever imagined, she was familiar with droids but never like this. As a girl her father's house had living, breathing chamber maids whom she came to regard as friends and mother figures throughout her childhood nothing like these wheeling, geared beings who were now tickling her as they scrubbed her entire body in an embarrassing but impersonal way. Before the bath had seemingly even begun they helped her out and she couldn't help but cover her dripping naked form the best she could with her arms. A rolling bot came to her feet balancing a flat box on it's crown. Two of the slender maids flung it open and removed it's contents revealing a floor length black dress and robe. She was relieved to be given some clothing that allowed her dignity to remain intact unlike the small bralette and sheer skirt she's been forced into by the prison guards.

As quickly as they'd removed it from the box they had dressed Chrystalline like a living doll. Two more droids approached carrying tall black boots, as she slipped them on the other droids used multiple arms to braid her hair elaborately down her back and just like that she felt a bit more human again. They pushed her gently towards the leader's dressing mirror and she caught sight of herself for the first time since she'd been captured. Black was not a color she or anyone from her home planet normally wore, but she had to admit it suited her. The dress clung tight around her upper half with a scooped neck that revealed her shoulders descending into long svelte sleeves. The skirt loosened from her hips down into a slight train, emphasized by a silver trimmed rope belt that hung off her hip to the side. The robe was slightly longer with a large, fur lined hood. She looked almost regal, if not a bit pale. Had he arranged for this? Or was this just simply the outfit free women among the Order wore? Either way she was grateful.

She turned to the small army of droids behind her and curtsied in thanks to which they all clanged and beeped with obvious excitement, making her giggle with understanding. Again they took her hands now leading her to a desk that was strewn with an array of foods. Fruits of every color on one end, followed by elaborate pastries, eggs of all sizes and a few pitchers of different milks and juices. Her eyes grew wide in amazement at the variety before her.

"It certainly pays to be bad." She blurted, semi expecting someone to pipe up in agreement as she looked to her side she was met with what she could only perceive as a look of confusion from a rolling bot. "Nevermind." She sighed, reaching for an unfamiliar thin skinned blue fruit. The droids beeped and scrambled, collecting the tub and discarded boxes, they headed for the door, leaving her again alone. She strangely was a bit sad to see them go, it would certainly be hours before the Leader returned, how was she meant to entertain herself now? She huffed and piled more food before herself, determined to eat her way into a small coma to fill the rest of her alone time.

Glistening with sweat and finally reaching a point he felt satisfied in stopping, his body feeling jelly like and sufficiently worn Kylo defended off the last few swings, still managing to give every ounce of himself to each block and return.

'Five more minutes.' He thought to himself as even the droids seemed to be swinging less fervently, he suddenly became intensely aware of someone watching him. He hadn't been alerted to the doors opening as they were programmed to do, he pivoted still blocking staffs as they berated him and then his eyes caught hers. _Rey._ Everything around him blurred and he lost his footing, quickly being met with a disarming strike to his back and then another bringing him to the floor. Pained, he raised his hand to end the siege. Scrambling to stand he looked back at her, she smiled around her, laughing. She wasn't alone. Gods, why? Why bring her to him like this right now after he had just ran himself in circles trying to fight thoughts of her away.

"Come to see the mess you've left?" He snorted, wiping his hand harshly across his mouth.

She looked up from whoever she was with and quickly looked away, obviously trying not to look distracted to her company. She smiled, nodding and turning away from them, walking swiftly towards him now.

"I don't want this," She pointed from him to her, signifying the Force bond between them "anymore than you Ben." She scowled, now just mere feet from him. She was more beautiful than ever. Her hair neatly gathered and a tight, high bun. Adorned in fresh white robes. How could she look so refreshed and elegant after everything they'd went through just yesterday. Was being so far from him and everything they'd shared so easy for her? He was just an after thought to her, if he wasn't to bend to her will then he was plainly just the enemy and nothing more.

"Don't call me that, never call me that again!" He sneered, stepping closer to her angrily. She stepped back. "You're no better than me, manipulating me into trusting you, into believing you cared about me and then turning on me without even a second thought!"

"I did care about you! I still do, but I care about protecting the Resistance more, I have to, it's what I was brought to them for, it's why I have the gift of the Jedi." Her eyes searched his, pleading for understanding.

"You don't know that!" He spat. "I could so easily see what was meant for you Rey, for us! You were meant to be by my side and together we would usher in a new era, unlike any the galaxy had ever known. With the Resistance you will meet an end, there is no victory there."

"And you would be the one to end it? To end me...Ben?" She stepped towards him again, now closing the distance between them to just inches, he could feel the heat of her on his bare chest and Gods, did it feel good despite the pain that radiated from her gaze. Kylo fought the swelling urge to close the space between them, to bring his hand to her cheek in assurance, no he couldn't be Ben, not today, not for her. He hardened his face, ever the monster.

"If you remain with them than I would have to, it is my destiny, you know this."

"No, I don't, you can be saved Ben-"

"Stop!" He waved his hand causing her to fall back from him. "My name is Kylo Ren, and you shall refer to me as such. I don't want to be saved I know which path is mine and I and this Order will snuff out the Resistance whether you align yourself with them or not!" He spun away from her so as not to see the hurt in her eyes. He snatched his tunic from the wall and began indignantly slipping it on, although he couldn't fight the feelings he had towards her, her connecting with him just now had filled him with a renewed sense of purpose to destroy the Resistance, having seemingly lost sight of it in the last twenty four hours. He sensed the heat of her fading as she presumably walked away and when he looked back to find her, she was gone. Instantly he was filled with the oddest mixture of relief and misery. Just her presence had brought back his visions of their presiding greatness over the galaxy, of her admiration of him and his for her and yet he knew this future was no longer in the cards, that she had made abundantly clear to him. Heatedly he walked from the room and made his way to the command center still dripping with sweat, to reconvene with Hux and set the course to find and crush the Rebels.


	4. Chapter 4

Kylo stormed on to the flight deck still visibly fuming, his nails digging into his palms from clenching so hard.

"HUX!" He called harshly, not yet fully in the door.

"Yes, Supreme Leader?" Hux and everyone else in the room stood straight to attention, meeting his glare nervously.

"Have we made any headway on acquiring a new mother ship? I want to advance on the Rebels as soon as we have word of them." Kylo thought he caught Hux give an eye roll, which after his tantrum yesterday that cost them the chance at ending the Resistance he wouldn't be surprised. He ignored it, for now.

"Yes Sir. I think you'll be more than pleased to hear we're in serious negotiations with a small group of anonymous donors from Coruscant. I have a fleet of troopers headed there now for physical inspections, but take a look." He smirked proudly and flicked on the hologram projector.

Spinning before him was the form of a gargantuan battleship, easily twice the size of the Destroyer, he could tell just from scale. Fiercely angular and heavily armed it was exactly what they needed and acquiring it quickly would prove they wouldn't be set back by the loss of the Destroyer for even a nanosecond. Kylo was abruptly bubbling with excitement, feeling even more certain of what his purpose with the Order was. He couldn't help but let a smile creep across his face, he was, for once, notably impressed with Hux's work.

"She's perfect, how soon can we get her?"

"Within the week Sir, so glad to see you're pleased!" Hux's chest puffed pridefully.

Not wanting to give him too much self satisfaction Kylo nodded gruffly, and with a hand holding his opposite wrist behind him he looked out among the stars. He breathed deeply feeling a wonderful sense of calm, although they would have to act quickly if they were to catch up with the Rebels before they picked up too much steam he had no doubt the fight would soon be over and even felt fairly grateful for the destruction of the Star Destroyer. Now he could seize the opportunity to start his reign as the Supreme Leader with a clean slate and an even more imposing and powerful ship, what luck. He chuckled to himself thinking of the foolish Admiral Haldo, sacrificing herself in vain.

"Well, inform me immediately when news from the inspection arrives, I'm eager to hear." Kylo nodded again at Hux, caving now to give Hux the praise he so obviously was itching to hear. "Nice work General."

"Th-thank you Supreme Leader." He stuttered gleefully looking around at the other pilots as if for confirmation he'd indeed heard a compliment directed his way. "I'll let you know as soon as I receive word."

Kylo gave everyone a quick look of appreciation for their work and made his way out heading now back to his quarters with thoughts of himself at the helm of the frightening new vessel.

As the door to his room came into sight he was struck still with the remembrance that there was a woman in his room and unless he found another place for her, not likely on the current ship, she would be staying there until they acquired the mother ship. An unfamiliar confusion overwhelmed him as he thought of how to approach the situation now that he wasn't reeling with emotion and need. He straightened and took a deep breath. He was the Supreme Leader, he certainly wouldn't be thrown off his center by a woman, he would enjoy her company for what it was. Surely a woman who carried herself the way she had and gave her kindness so completely was one worth getting to know. At the very least it would be an opportunity for him to become close with a woman who wasn't ... her. With that goal in mind he opened the door.

He sighed heavily with relief to find Chrystalline curled tightly like some sort of feline in the corner of his bed. He didn't just yet have to figure out what to say. She was dressed in the outfit he'd sent for her, seeing her pale skin swathed all in black was shockingly arousing. He pushed the thought that was edging it's way into his mind of Rey dressed the same, standing by his side in front of their subjects. Somehow the outfit seemed to suit Chrystalline even better than he could imagine it would Rey. Her rosy blonde hair being beautifully magnified by the color and eyelashes appearing even darker to match. She really was a stunning woman, he could only imagine the kind of attention she drew when walking freely through a city. Any man would be lucky to call her his, surely someone, somewhere had had the honor before she was captured. Perhaps he should ask her this and learn her story first hand rather than diving into her thoughts without asking and extracting her memories from her. That is how normal men and women interacted wasn't it. He smiled to himself, such a foreigner to the very concept of exchanging with the opposite sex let alone sharing a room and bed with one. Careful not to disturb her he went to remove his sweat soaked garments.

Chrystalline's eyes opened warily after a fitful nap hearing the signs of movement within the room. As the blurriness lifted and the forms around her focused she caught sight of him, the Leader, shirtless on the other side of the room, sitting at his desk and pulling firmly at his boots. She feigned sleep and kept her eyes open just a sliver to observe him as he tossed his boots to the side and sat back in his chair. For the first time since she met him she was impressed with the sight of him, the very length of him as

He stretched out in his chair was astounding. The men on her home planet though shapely, were compact and not much taller than the women, but him, he was substantial. Broad and lanky with a physical power that was visibly perceptible. She gazed on practically mesmerized as his biceps flexed with striations as he reached up to push his hair from his face and tie it up behind his head.

Chrystalline wriggled as a pleasant warmth rose in her lower abdomen and there was no mistaking he was immediately aware of her eyes on him as he straightened in his seat.

"Ah.." He coughed nervously. "You're awake, uh... I hope everything found you well. I see the dress did at least." He pulled some papers from his desk in front of him and made himself look busy to mask the bizarre sense of embarrassment that he was certain she could see plastered across his face. How, he wondered, after being so plain as to practically beg her to sleep next to him last night was he now feeling such a childish shame in knowing she was watching him.

"Yes Supreme Leader, thank you." She sat up slowly and gave a slight head bow. "Is it really night already? I must have slept all day."

Watching her as she rubbed sleep from her eyes he couldn't help but smile, she looked so different than she had last night, no longer the stone-faced strong woman who feared not even death, but a girl, which she was, by the looks of her she was no older than eighteen.

"Oh, no. I returned early, I did my training for the day and checked on everything I needed too. I also rid us both of that horrid little toad who brought you to me. He won't be bothering you anymore."

Chrystalline giggled, but stopped short realizing if that boorish brute of a man didn't own her was she now indefinitely property of the Leader? Somehow when caught in the cell bound with the other girls she could still imagine a hope for escape, but now left alone with someone so powerful she wasn't sure she would manage out of this alive. Yes, he had been kind to her in the small, weak moments they'd shared together, but this man was a killer, who saw nothing of demolishing whole populations with the wave of his hand. Chrystalline knew she couldn't be so naive as to think that she was somehow immune to his fury.

Kylo observed her face change quickly from glee to an undeniable look of horror and he couldn't keep himself from entering her thoughts as she went silent. She was thinking so much further than even he had of the situation. He was so caught up in his own plans and mission he hadn't even realized that in freeing her from the pimp he had become her keeper and after what she'd done for him he knew he wouldn't feel right subjecting her to that fate either, but for some reason he couldn't make himself wholly wrap his head around right now, he wasn't ready to let her go if that meant to never see her again. In a selfish way he wasn't ready to be so horribly alone again but even more than that he wanted the chance to be close to someone in a way he couldn't anyone else he knew. For the men on his ship he had to be the emotionless, power seeking Leader, not a friend. And to the rest of the Galaxy he was the head of the First Order, already his reputation for anger and chaos preceded him, but to Chrytalline, before even romantically, he could just be... human. That wasn't a possibility he was willing to let go of so easily.

"I won't keep you here forever. You don't deserve that and I would be a hypocrite if I made it so." He looked at her calmly, hoping that she could read the sincerity in his face. "But, I... I want to know you Chrystalline... I've spent so much of my life alone and locked up in my own head , I just want the chance to know someone and have them know me without any hidden agendas or intentions." The words flowed from him without effort. Just like last night it just felt good to finally be honest with someone. He immediately felt lighter having spoken his truth.

Chrystalline didn't quite know what to say, the most she could think of was "Why her?" But knew the bluntness might be pushing it, besides, he was probably seeing every question running though her mind as they spoke so why bother. Seeing no other way to respond and still processing what had been said, she nodded and pulled her legs out from underneath her, straightening her back to face him, allowing him to read her eyes if he wished.

"Thank you for understanding. Well, I hope that you'll join me for dinner and I can even give you a tour, I'm sure you're need to stretch your limbs after I so thoughtlessly left you with nothing to do but sleep all day." Kylo stood and walked to his closet, sorting through things for something to change into. "I'll go wash up and tell the droids to prepare something and come back to retrieve you."

She stood, straightening out the skirt of her dress and shaking her head at the utter insanity that had been the last few days events. If her father, or Abel could see her at this very moment, agreeing to just be company to a dark Lord, well...she couldn't even picture how they'd react. With her eyes to the ground she went to fasten into place the stray strands of hair that had come loose while she slept. She looked up again to find him inches in front of her, her eyes meeting his chest and the thick raised scar that led from there to his face. She shivered as his finger tilted her chin to look up at him.

"Just be honest with me as I am with you and I promise that no harm shall come to you, not while I'm around." And with that he dropped his hand walked out the door.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Kylo let the water run scolding over his neck and shoulders as he stood without moving under the stream. He found himself now raking his brain for conversation starters to make for an easy exchange at dinner. He never ate with company, finding the men on the ship to simple and programmed to even bother with and anyone else around, especially Hux, was so gratingly irritable that he'd lose his appetite if he even attempted to dine with them. This would be different, from what little he knew of Chrystalline he could tell she had a head about her and the initial defiance and spunk surely gave way to a feisty personality. The more he considered, the more excited he became to have the chance to experience her. So wholly had he convinced himself when he was struggling with the light that the life of a dark leader was intended to be spent in solitude. Snoke had made it clear that allowing anyone close was a sign of weakness, but now looking back Kylo knew that his Master was manipulative and misguiding and in fact the opposite was true. Being alone all the time was crushing to one's spirit after extended lengths of time, although it did make perfect breeding grounds for the tantrum ridden anger Kylo so often found himself lost in.

Stepping out of the shower he found the suit he'd called for from the droids. He'd asked for something a little more formal than his usual dark tunic and robes, hoping to match the elegance that was Chrystalline in the gown he'd given her. He pulled on the high collared, double breasted jacked and buttoned it to the top looking upon himself in the mirror in approval. Since removing his helmet from his daily costume his hair had become something to actually think about, it was getting just to the length of annoyance as it now hung almost to his shoulders, he brushed through it, slicking it away from his face, he sneered at the sight of his scar. He hadn't yet become used to it's jarring presence across his face, almost fluorescent in it's obviousness against his pale skin. Bringing his hand to his face to trace it he flinched when he felt the warmth of it radiating against his fingertips. In that moment he hated _her._ She had literally left her mark on him forever in a way that made him even more threateningly monstrous. What normal woman or even person could look upon his mangled face with affection and not disgust? She had made it so it was near impossible not to think of her every time he caught a glimpse of himself, he turned away from his reflection hotly, holding himself in check and trying to push to the forefront of his mind what he was preparing for just then, a simple dinner with a new... friend?

Chrystalline waited patiently in Kylo's quarters, surveying his collection of books and running her finger delicately across the spines. Having always been an avid reader she was impressed with the variety. Granted many of them were tactical manuals and history books about warfare there were still some classics that Chrystalline had read. Some epic battle poetry, a few fantastical journeys and even a tale of heart aching romance. She was growing ever so curious to get to know the fearsome Supreme Leader, it was increasingly clear he was so much more complex than anyone had explained him to be, he was someone entirely different to the world outside before he became the man he is today and she hoped she could continue to break through his stone exterior to meet that person. She pulled out the romance story, flipping to her favorite passage and smiling to herself at the familiar characters.

"What did you find there?" His voice causing her to jump. She hadn't even heard him come in. She turned to face him and was again astounded at the sight of him. His suit made his shoulders appear even broader than before, well fitted and slimming to the waist she felt her face grow hot as she slammed the book shut abruptly and placed it back on the shelf.

"Oh, nothing, just surprised at your collection! I had so many of these books myself back home." She smiled nervously, brushing a pieced of hair behind her ear, a sort of habit she had when she was uncomfortable. In the right situations one could watch her do the same motion over and over even when her hair was pulled back in a tight bun.

"I hope to hear more of your home at dinner, are you ready?" He held a hand out to her and she curtsied without thinking before walking over to take it. He looped her arm through his properly and opened the door again. As he went to step out with her he felt her pull him back sharply. "What's wrong?"

"I... what will your soldiers think of you walking the ship with a comfort maid?" She averted her gaze and he noticed a solemn look across her small face.

"Well, firstly Chrystalline," He gently raised her eyes to his, tilting her chin with his thumb. "You're not a comfort maid, you're my guest and dressed as such and secondly, you have no need to worry, I've already thought of that simply because I don't want to hear it from any of those imbeciles, I can use my force to shield us, we can walk through the ship completely undetected."

She widened her eyes in amazement, surely this was all a dream she would wake up from, the only time she'd heard of such powers was in the pages of her storybooks, but was immediately proven it was true when two troopers walked past them jabbering between each other and completely oblivious to their presence.

"See?" He smiled, looking down at her and back at the troopers as they passed. She giggled and nodded and they preceded down the hall to the Captain's dining room.

The door slid open revealing a long, reflective black table almost entirely covered by the most remarkable spread of food Chrystalline had ever seen. Even though she had dined before with her father and his colleagues in the congress halls throughout her youth nothing had ever been quite this extravagant. In the middle of the table sat a huge steaming, roasted bird of some sort and a full roasted boar, it's eyes still open and gleaming with a pickled vegetable between it's teeth. Kylo walked her to her seat at the end of the table, pulling it out for her and gesturing for her to sit. She was overwhelmed by the very smell of the spread as it caused her mouth to water with yearning. He walked quickly to the other end, sitting down and snapped his fingers causing another door to open and a stream of droids to pour into the room. He chuckled with amusement at her expression as the droids hurried about cutting, tearing and serving all the dishes in front of them, piling their individual plates with a mass of food enough for a small family. They finished, made a small droid salute to Kylo and exited, single file, from the room.

"Well, enjoy." Kylo nodded, lifting his fork and knife to dig in himself, suddenly painfully aware of his hunger, it had easily been two days since he'd last eaten he realized.

"You're so far, this isn't how people eat together." Chrystalline remarked, gesturing to the few yards of table in between them. She gathered her plate and walked to the chair to the right of him. "Is this room all for you?"

Kylo was slightly taken aback by her boldness to sit next to him, he noticed he had unconsciously drawn back from her at first, so protective of his personal space when someone else was making their own moves to close it. He righted himself hoping she didn't pick up on it, he meant it as no slight to her, it was just a reflex.

"Uh, no, this is usually the dining room for the higher officers. I generally eat in my room." He took a harsh bite of the pork, suddenly seeing the bottle of chav in the middle of the table. Normally not being the one for alcoholic beverages he decided to make an exception, this was a sort of celebration anyway and hopefully a slight buzz would alleviate the tension he couldn't rid himself of in her presence and the embarrassment he felt when she looked on him with pity at his admission of dining alone. He raised his hand and the bottle slid into it without hesitation. He poured himself a glass and then held it to her in offering.

She held her glass to him for him to pour and raised it to him in thanks. She too was thankful for a little libation to take the edge off. They both took a long slow sip in silence and picked up their utensils again.

"Well, thank you for making an exception, this is a truly magnificent spread Supreme Leader."

For some reason the title that filled him with pride when uttered from the lips of his inferiors and enemies, just didn't sound right coming from this woman anymore, not as she sat next to him as a peer.

"Please, Chrystalline, call me Kylo, everyone refers to me as Leader now, and I... I want you, I want this," He pointed from her to himself "To be different."

She nodded, the name repeating itself through her head. She smiled at him gently and his face softened as they both went to take another drink.

"Tell me about you Chrystalline, I know nothing about you other than where you come from and that you're a bit of a thief." He raised his eyebrows coyly.

"There's a very good explanation for that I promise." She grinned. "My family is small, growing up it was just my father and myself with a house full of servants. As I mentioned my mother passed away in childbirth so I was basically raised by a handful of chamber maids, my father was away a lot on business. He is a congressman."

"Your father is a congressman and he made no move to get you out of prison? Nor has he made a move to make sure your found?"

"My father is very old fashioned, he was probably hoping that I would learn a lesson and as for the last part, I don't know that he hasn't done so. I was caught stealing a ship to find my fiance who had gone missing on his last merchant trip before our upcoming vows."

There it was, Kylo knew a woman of her beauty hadn't spent her last few years alone. He could only imagine how dissatisfied an elder member of congress would be to know his daughter was set on marrying someone so lowly as a merchant sailor.

"Honestly, my father was probably glad to keep me from him, he had so unhappily allowed him the privilege of my hand." Her face grew somber in reflection. "I still have no idea whether Abel, that was his name, Abel, is alive or dead."

Although capturing or raiding merchant sailors was nothing the First Order wasted their time or resources on, Kylo knew the most probable outcome of what had happened to this Abel wasn't a positive one. Not wanting the conversation to take such an ugly turn he thought it best not to say so.

"While I admire a bit of tough love from parent to child, I can't help but think your father a bit foolish in not setting out to look for you. At this point I'm just thankful that I was the first to call on the pimp to bring you to me, I can't even fathom what would have been your fate had I not. The men on this ship can be absolute animals with no proper manners or regard towards women."

Chrystalline couldn't help but feel herself getting angry, he was right, why hadn't her father made to look for her? Didn't he care whether she was safe? She had no ways nor knowledge of how to defend herself against the multitudes of dangers that she could have faced away from the comfort of her home planet. With her eyebrows knitted in contemplation she took another big sip from her crav.

Hearing the many rising questions in her head he made to comfort her.

"I'm not all knowing though Chrystalline, he could very well be frantically in search of you now. I certainly know I would be, yes you went about it the wrong way, but your crime was committed out of concern for your beau. That alone shouldn't be worth punishing. This Abel is a lucky man to call such a fearless and devoted woman his own." Kylo couldn't even imagine what it must feel like to have a woman like Chrytalline feel so strongly about him. Just the kindness she had shown him had filled him with such warmth last night, to be so blessed as to live knowing he was actually loved by someone like that, Gods it must be heavenly. He briefly felt a pang of jealously through his chest as he looked on her, so plainly filled with devotion.

"He was, who's to say if I'll ever see him again." Her lip trembled, the alcohol now making her emotions bubble to the surface. Kylo couldn't stand the pain that was so plainly plastered across her features now without stopping to think he blurted out,

"I can show him to you." He thought of the hologram projector in the command room. He had the ability to find any ship in the galaxy that wasn't shielded from him of given the name. Forgetting the possibility that what they might see could be terrible, he just wanted to take her uncertainty and questions away. Surely she had resigned within herself that her fiance might not be alive.

"What do you mean?" Her eyes widened, the thought of looking upon the face of her sweet Abel sending a rush of hope through her. If she could just know that he was okay and somewhere out there waiting for her it would bring a very necessary sense of ease to the rest of her time spent with Kylo.

Kylo took her hand and stood.

"I don't know how to explain, just follow me." He moved quickly, nearly forcing her to run beside him to meet his massive strides moving down the hall to the command room. The door opened to a room full of men all sitting in front of the control boards working quietly. Although he knew they couldn't see them he wanted to give them some privacy so he spoke slowly.

"You will leave stop what you're doing and leave the room..." And immediately without word all six of the men stood from their seats, pushed them in and left, the door closing behind them.

Chrystalline was so focused on seeing her Abel she barely acknowledged the sorcery she had just witnessed. She rushed to the edge of the hologram projector, steadying herself as Kylo powered it on.

"What's the name of Abel's ship?" He asked.

"The Ambrian Interceptor."

"Show me the Abrian Interceptor." Kylo ordered and immediately before them was a battle scene. The ship was receiving blow after blow from the immensely superior canons of an encroaching docking ship. As the ship grew riddled with holes the docking station engulfed it, closing it's doors around it.

Chrystalline looked on in horror, tears welling in her eyes and the hope she'd just felt dropping within her stomach like a stone. Kylo, immediately filled with regret, rushed to her side, trying to usher her away from the worsening scene, she pulled away gruffly, a yelp emitting from her lips and she looked on.

"Show us the Captain!" She yelled and the hologram zoomed inside the docking station, the screams of men filled the room as they were shown Abel and his men being dragged like rag dolls, guns to their heads by a gang of massive grey skinned pirates. Kylo could do nothing but stand next to her and watch in real time as the men were executed one by one, pleading tearfully for their lives as they watched each of their own brothers go down, leading finally to Abel, who remained blank faced and trembling as he too was shot coldly in the back of the neck and thrown down like a slaughtered animal before the pirates.

"Oh GODS!" Chrystalline shrieked and was overtaken by body racking sobs. "Abel, no!" She wailed as she lost control of her body and almost fell to the floor, being narrowly caught by Kylo who ordered the hologram to stop.

Kylo was internally screaming at himself for being so foolish as to unleash the truth upon her. Having known it couldn't have been good. He was overpowered with guilt as her small form heaved in his arms, her sobs now silent and breathless struggling to escape her as she buckled even more to the floor. Kylo pulled her close trying to still her body with his. She turned into him helpless. Her face pressing into his chest he could feel the puddle forming on his jacket as she screamed. Kylo had never heard such despair so closely. He put his hand to the back of her head, cradling it and stroking her hair trying to calm her.

"Chrystalline, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. " He rocked her as her hands made fists and beat against his chest, her mouth still wide with cries. Not knowing what else to do he gathered her in his arms and stood with her, leaving the horrific scene behind them and making his way back to his room. She wrapped her arms around his neck tightly, so tightly it was as if she was trying to pull inside him to hide herself. By the time they reached his door the had quieted, still soundlessly weeping but her eyes had grown blank and distant as he laid her in his bed. What had he done?

He sat on the edge of the bed beside her and she turned herself away from him. Kylo watched her helplessly, having no clue as how to comfort her, here he had wanted only to give her a sense of knowing about her dear Abel and instead he had given her pure agony.

"What can I do for you Chrystalline?" He pleaded softly.

Chrystalline shook her head, hadn't he had done enough? She couldn't imagine anything that would stop the gaping, throbbing hole that had been shot through her chest, but with a second thought she remembered a temporary numbing agent.

"More crav." She mumbled, her throat now raspy with sorrow.

Kylo couldn't help but think that might not be the best idea, but what did he know, look what he'd done to her. Not even taking the time to call for a droid he went to retrieve it himself, leaving her a crumpled mass on his bed. He returned with a bottle and two glasses, she sat up at the sound of him entering the room, her face swollen, red and glistening with tears she held a hand out for a glass, her gaze at the floor. Kylo poured her one quickly and handed it to her. She brought the goblet to her lips and tipped it all the way back, gulping furiously, embracing the liquid burn down her throat and wincing she finished the cup and thrust it back out in front of her for more. Wanting to object Kylo frowned and poured her more and then poured himself a glass, he pulled the chair from his desk and sat it next to the end of the bed.

Without a word or a glance his direction, she finished the second glass and turned away from him again. Letting the alcohol flood her head and clamping her eyes shut she let out another singular wail as the visions of Abel being so brutally shot down replayed over and over on the blackness of her eyelids. She wrapped her arms around her knees, bringing them to her chest to try to conceal her body as it thrashed with sobs again. Kylo looked on helplessly not knowing what to do. He felt compelled to embrace her again, but he wasn't sure if he should. His fingers kneading into his pant legs as he questioned himself, before he could make a move he heard her little voice squeak out.

"Kylo?"

"Yes," he jumped up coming to her side again. "Yes Chrystalline?"

"Hold me." She breathed in sharply between sobs. "Please!"

He immediately placed himself beside her, pulling her into him and putting his mouth to her ear he found himself whispering.

"Shhh, you're alright." As he stroked her hair rhythmically feeling her breaths become steadier against him. How quickly they had traded places from one night to the next, he thought. Her body eventually stopped quaking and a small snore escaped her ensuring him she had finally fallen asleep. Kylo continued rocking her, so upset with himself for allowing her to see that atrocity. It felt like hours before he finally felt himself grow groggy too, he was just about to fall off too when he sensed _her_ there with them.

 **A/N: Happy New Year everyone! Sorry it's been a few days since posting, working in the Service Industry on NYE was quite the long day. I really appreciate the interest in this story, I've never written a Star Wars piece before so I really hope you're enjoying it and all criticism and/or corrections are more than welcome! Hope you enjoy this chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Trigger warning for this chapter, it deals with a bit of self injury related discussion. Other than that I hope you're enjoying the story and I hope to hear more from everyone!**

Chapter 6

Hadn't she tormented him enough today? What good would come of her being here right now? Kylo held even tighter to Chrystalline, refusing to turn to her.

"What is it now?" He grunted lifting his face away as not to wake Chrystalline.

"You're not alone. You've replaced me so easily." The tone in her voice sounded hurt. Was she serious? She had to know she wasn't replaceable that way. No woman for the rest of his life would share with him the bond they shared. That was wholly their own and while in this moment he couldn't stand it, he hoped she would understand that no one could ever replace him in her life either. If that wasn't enough proof that they were meant to end up together than he didn't know what was.

"Rey, you know very well it's not like that."

"You never held me so closely." She walked to the end of his bed so she could face him.

"Well you never gave me the chance!" He snapped back, jerking up towards her causing Chrystalline to stir in his arms. He gently worked himself out from behind her and pulled the covers over her watching intently as she settled. "I would have held you even closer Rey, had you taken my hand the other day I'd be holding you right now."

"Who is she?" Rey paced nervously away, embarrassed and surprised how strongly she was reacting to this discovery. She knew she couldn't be with Ben, not like this, but seeing him with someone else so soon was causing her insides to burn in such a primal way she had to hide her face as not to show him how red it was growing.

"She...she's no one Rey."

"Oh just like I was no one, except to you?"

"No, she's no one to me. I called for a comfort maid last night after everything, I just didn't want to be alone..." Why was he telling her all this? She had to right to know the pitiful state she's left him in causing him to seek solace in another person's warmth. He had to admit to himself something didn't feel quite right about calling Chrystalline no one. She was certainly someone or he wouldn't have made efforts to keep her around, but he didn't quite know what she meant to him, not just yet. "The only reason I'm holding her still tonight is because she found out her fiance from back home has been murdered."

"By you and the First Order." Rey spat presumptuously.

"No, actually, by a gang of pirates, I never knew the man." Kylo instinctively moved closer to her, pleading now for him to look at her. She let out a long sigh before turning to him, she had no words to say. She refused to admit to even herself the feelings of jealousy raging inside her. Kylo couldn't help himself, he placed his hand softly on her cheek.

"And you have to know Rey, you're far from no one. Not just to me but to so many people. What I said in Snoke's chamber was so far from the truth, it was manipulative and horrible. I may despise it, but you're the last hope for the Resistance and they all know that. You're the most important person to the light"

Rey couldn't believe what she was hearing, somehow this woman in Ben's bed, whoever she was, had opened a store of compassion within him that Rey didn't know he had. She shook her head, she couldn't so easily fall for this now, she and the Resistance were what mattered and if this was the side he chose then he would remain her enemy no matter how seemingly softened and reasonable he was acting now. Still, she realized she hadn't pulled away from his touch, admittedly, she'd missed it.

"Well, I have to say I like what she's brought out in you, whoever she is." She placed her hand over his, nuzzled her face into his touch and smiled. Kylo stepped even closer to her, the warmth of her radiating towards him.

Why was she tormenting him this way? Gods, just this morning she was as hateful and dismissive as she'd been when she made for his light saber and now she was purring at his touch. Are all women this confusing? Surely not. He dropped his hand as not to get further sucked into her again.

"Spending all your waking hours alone tends to harden a person, but you know that. What do you want from me Rey? I can't give you what you're asking for, even as we speak plans are in place to seek you and the Resistance once more and end it, all of it." Kylo furrowed his eyebrows and turned away, hoping she'd just leave him be, he needed distance, not this back and forth of emotions she was pulling, he hadn't the energy for it, certainly not after everything he'd gone through with Chrystalline tonight.

Rey sighed, being brought back harshly to reality, he was still Kylo Ren and as he'd promised he and the First Order we're still coming to destroy all the Rebels had fought for.

"You're right, I don't know what I want from you Ben." The sound of the name from her lips again causing Kylo to wince and inhale sharply. "I'll go."

Before Kylo had a chance to answer, she was gone. All the pain and questioning within him was all but reignited and again he was angry with her for leaving him like this. Torn and messy. He turned his focus again to Chrystalline and went to rejoin her in the bed, not before grabbing the bottle of crav and taking a lesson from her book, bringing it to his lips and taking a long pull. He was thankful she had been here, if she hadn't he knew he would have allowed himself to be even more swayed by Rey's force grip on him. Guilt washed over him again as he thought of how he so quickly told Rey she meant nothing to him. He knew he wouldn't have kept her by his side even a fraction as long if that were in fact the case. He shook his head, there was no sense in analyzing it all so closely at the moment, all he knew was he was thankful she was with him right now and that was enough.

Chrystalline awoke with an unfathomable headache, a small moan escaped her as she sat up, her head swirling in agony.

'What had happened last night?' She thought groggily before immediately being reminded of the previous night's revelations.

"Oh Gods!" She shrieked hoarsely, covering her mouth as not to wake the gently snoring man beside her, but it was too late. He shot up next to her, his arm encircling her waist without hesitation. "I... I"m so sorry, it's just..."

"Shh, you don't have to explain, it's okay, I know." He rubbed her arm lightly.

Chrystalline suddenly gulped, suddenly filled with shame for sleeping so closely next to a man the same night she'd realized she'd lost her sweet fiance. She pulled away and wrapped arms around her legs, pulling her knees to her chest.

"Thank you for consoling me last night, but I... I really need to be alone for a while." She looked at him, tears dropping one by one down her pale cheeks.

His heart lurched, the sight of her tears causing him to choke on his own words.

"Of course, I understand. I have a lot to catch up on today so I will leave you to your thoughts." He coughed, standing and grabbing things from his closet, dressing himself hastily. "I'll send for some food for you and a change of clothes, you don't have to eat if you don't want too, but it's something. If you need anything, just send a droid and I'll be right in." With a knowing nod, he left her.

Chrystalline curled into herself, her mind filled with questions and what ifs. What if she'd left to find him sooner? What if she'd begged him not to go? What if she'd gone with him? At least they would have died together, but no, she knew Abel wouldn't have wanted that. He must have been so frightened, despite his stern face as those monsters took the blaster to his back, she could only imagine the terror her must have felt. Her poor, sweet, Abel. He was the kind of man who wouldn't even kill a bug given the chance and they had given executing him no more thought than squashing a pestering mosquito. The sobs were coming hard again, her body was already so exhausted from last night that each heave was physically painful, but she couldn't put a stop to them. All she could think of was the hope that she would fall asleep again, but this time never wake up. No man would ever love her like that again, he had made her feel complete in a way she was convinced could never be duplicated. So complete that now she felt as if someone had blasted away her center. She was hollow. What was even the point to any of it now? She was to be held up, all but owned by the leader of the First Order, indefinitely. Where did she go from here?

Blackness was engulfing her like a black hole. She didn't know what to do with herself. Part of her wanted to rage, to break things, to scream and cry and hurt things the way she hurt, but the other part of her hadn't the energy to even breathe. Her emotions were tearing within her like a hurricane becoming more than she could bear. Her breaths became painful and gasping, she sat up trying to catch herself, falling onto the floor in a coughing fit.

"Ahhhhh!" She screamed. She felt helpless, like a child who'd injured herself and was looking frightfully around for her mother. She couldn't take it any longer, not like this. She stood, searching the room fitfully for something, anything to make it stop. Her eyes caught the bottle of cauv, now sitting empty of the edge of Kylo's desk. She gripped it firmly by the neck and with a quick swing to the edge of the desk shattered it into a pile of sharp pieces. She grabbed the one with the finest point and walked to the mirror, bunching up her skirt in her hand as she pulled them away revealing the already scarred but fresh skin of her hip. Grunting she dug the point into herself, pressing in and dragging it across her skin. She watched intently in the mirror as the beads of blood appeared, cresting and falling in rivers down her leg. Almost instantly she breathed out with just the slightest relief, but it wasn't enough, not yet. She etched another and then another slash across herself finally stopping when five deep grooves wept blood from her hip. Dropping the glass she slid to the floor, letting the liquid soak her skirt. She'd forgotten how easy it was to do this to herself, she hadn't in so long, leaving the practice behind when she'd met Abel and he, seeing the scars, had begged her to quit. She could never explain it to anyone who'd never done it themselves, but when she externalized her pain this way, it brought her an unparalleled sense of relief. However briefly.

Her breaths became steady as she watched a small, dark puddle form beneath her on the floor.

"Sorry, Abel... I had to." She sighed, hanging her head not even moving when the door slid open and the droids piled in. A BB unit immediately rolled her direction, seemingly becoming gravely concerned. He buzzed and blipped, calling the slender bots to her side. They picked her up and undressed her much slower than they had yesterday, being careful not to touch her. Sitting her in the desk chair two went to work cleaning away the blood and bandaging her. She propped her head in her hand, embarrassed even to be seen like this by droids. What came now was what always did after she'd self mutilated, regret. She had been doing so well, it had been years since she'd taken anything to her skin that way, the scars now so faint you could confuse them for stretch marks if you weren't looking close enough. Without anyone or any reason not to she had caved in her desperation. How would she explain this to Kylo? Surely she could hide them in the long skirts he picked for her, given the new outfit was the same. What did she know, he was a fitful type of man himself, maybe he'd done the same to himself before, but probably not, she'd never met more than a few other people who take their rage upon themselves so harshly or so often.

The droids pulled her to her feet again when the blood had finally stopped enough to be bandaged. They directed her to the tub, placing her in it, empty this time. They swarmed her, scrubbing lightly with damp sponges this time as not to wet the bandages. From behind a slender bot undid her braid and wrapped her hair up atop her head in a tight bun, she breathed in relief to feel her hair off the back of her neck. They chirped and whirled about themselves, gossiping like real women as they once again stood her up and brought her a fresh outfit to adorn. This one a reflective gunmetal gray, but still just as long and conservative as the last, thank Gods. She slipped it on, grimacing at the pain as she felt the cuts move and reopen as she bent. This was part of the reason she did them on her hips, yes they were easy to conceal, but they also took much longer to heal with your movement and constantly reminded you they were there. She looked at herself in the mirror, the dress was beautiful but her face looked as if she'd been punched in both eyes, both of them swollen and not fully open. Behind her she could see another magnificent spread of food. He couldn't really expect her able to eat could he? Then her eyes caught a fresh bottle of crav and she couldn't help but smile at his thoughtfulness.

Chrystalline had never been good at dealing with intense emotions, always turning to somewhat destructive impulses when she felt anything too overwhelming. As far back as she could remember even as a small girl she would hit herself in the head and body with her own fist when she felt angry or lonely or scared. Her father dismissed it as silliness, but she could tell even then when the chambermaids whispered between themselves at her outbursts that something wasn't right with her. If other people felt things as intensely as she did why didn't they act with compulsion the way she did? Abel was the first one to help her learn to control it, distracting her with his love. And here she was with just hours of knowing he was gone and the compulsions were so easy to return to, like a toxic but familiar lover.

She sat slowly and mindfully, pouring herself a glass and watching shamefully as the droids cleaned the sticky mess that was her blood and the broken bottle from the floor. She took a long sip, staring into the glass. She knew she'd been the one to tell Kylo to leave her, but now she again didn't want to be alone, look what she'd done to herself in only moments when left to her own devices in such incomprehensible agony. She walked to the bookshelf and again pulled out the romantic novel from her girlhood. She had to escape herself somehow if he was to be gone the rest of the day, as much as she wanted to see him she wouldn't allow herself to call on him as he'd told her she could. She was stronger than that to be sure. Opening the book she delved in, the story sweeping her up just as it had when she was young. She didn't even notice the droids leaving the room as she took another sip of crav and turned the page.

Kylo had just finished a long and arduous training session as he walked towards the showers he felt almost smug, not since before Rey had left him with this gruesome scar had he trained so well. He had his drive back, and his mission was again clear allowing him to fight without thinking, with the fog cleared he was able to anticipate the moves of the droids once again and hadn't missed a single block. He showered and dressed quickly, eager to get to the command room and hear the report the inspectors had given on the new mother ship. Making his way to the door he met eyes with Hux who was walking down the hall from the opposite direction, an ugly but arrogant smile plastered across his face, surely this meant good news.

"Ah! Supreme leader, just who I wanted to see. How are you this morning Sir?" He bowed, making way for Kylo to enter before him. Kylo was almost taken aback by his gaiety, well, this _had_ to be good news. The door closed behind them and Kylo walked to the captain's chair.

"I'm well, thank you, alright now, spit it out. What has you so chipper?"

"We've pinpointed the Resistance Sir! You'll be happy to know we have a spy who'd found them slowly gathering resources on Corellia. We can acquire the new ship and be there in the next seven to nine days before they even prepare to evacuate." He brought up a hologram of the most direct route to Corellia, a relatively easy path clear of obstacles. Kylo hardened his face as not to show his surprised, he hadn't thought they'd be able to catch up to the Rebels quite so quickly. Yes, this was what he wanted, but knowing that doing so would ultimately mean killing Rey as well made him instantly nauseous.

"Well, they certainly made it easy on us didn't they?" The room chuckled with forced laughter. Kylo forced a smile as well, only able to conjure one from one side of his mouth. "Well, ready the paperwork Hux, I'm here all day." He said hollowly, waving him away and turning towards the window. This is exactly what he wanted, he just had to keep reminding himself of that, hopefully Rey wouldn't continue showing up and distracting him from said fact.

Hux bowed shallowly in salute.

"Yes, Sir! Right away!"

"Let's end those filthy rebels, once and for all."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Happy to say I managed a chapter despite coming down with the flu today. I'm so glad to see more people finding and enjoying the story! It's becoming really enjoyable to write! I'm starting to love these characters and where they're going. It's as much a ride for me as it is for you I promise!**

Chapter 7

The hours passed achingly slow as Kylo caught up on all the work he'd pushed to the side the last few days, he caught himself multiple times wondering what Chrystalline might be doing cooped up in his chambers. He hoped she'd managed to calm herself enough to eat some of the food he'd sent to the room. He couldn't imagine what she was going through and was still kicking himself for having been the one to show it all to her. How extraordinarily gruesome it had looked to see an execution from the other side. He couldn't even begin to count how many men and villages he and the troops of the First Order had massacred by now. How many widows had screamed in anguish and crumpled to the ground the way she had, how many mothers... he shuddered at the thought. Thumbing through the rest of the reports he came to a stopping point and gathered his things, giving another small nod of acknowledgment to his men as he made for the exit. He stopped short of his door, smoothing his hair away from his face before taking a large breath, preparing himself for whatever state he might find Chrystalline inside.

The door slid open revealing Chrystalline leaned back in his desk chair, her booted feet propped on the desk among the now rotting array of breakfast food. Her face was soft but concentrated on the book she held as she rapidly flipped a page.

Hearing the door open she finished the page she was on before she went to look up at him, nowme bubbly with crav she let a foolish smile come across her face at the sight of him. She was glad to see him, though the liquor had helped the day pass more quickly it was still a long day alone.

"Hello." She cooed, the heartache of the day momentarily behind her.

Kylo was relieved to see her not red faced with tears but instead grinning at him lopsided. That was twice in one day he met people happy to see him. What a rare occurrence.

She stood uneasily and stepped towards him, stumbling drunkenly on her skirt. Her wounded hip caught the edge of the chair and she let out a muffled grunt, trying her best to to draw too much attention to it.

Kylo rushed to her, steadying her with his hands catching her waist.

"Careful! I see you helped yourself to the crav, good. Whatever it takes..." He'd never been one to sooth himself with substances, but he understood the inclination none the less. "You look lovely in that dress, even more so than the last." He stood back, admiring her, doing his best to change the subject. He poured himself a glass to attempt at matching her.

Chrystalline felt herself blush at his compliment, she gripped the sides of her skirt and brought it out, giving a small twirl. He laughed, unable to ignore her cuteness, he felt himself grow a bit red to match. Though she did look beautiful he couldn't ignore her swollen face, she had obviously spent a lot of the day aching in just the way he had left her, poor creature.

"I see you're feeling a bit better." He raised his glass, taking a sip. He immediately regretted even bringing it up.

"I never got the tour." She grinned, changing the subject and distracting herself from his statement.

"Are you sure? You've had a very long day."

"Yes, please, anything but sitting here one more moment alone with my thoughts!" She pleaded, standing and smoothing her dress as she walked towards the door.

"Alright then, grab your glass, we'll take our time." Glad to see her smile he followed her out the door. "This way." He said, directing her to the training room.

"Now this ship is no more than a play thing compared to the new Star Destroyer we'll be acquiring in the next week, that tour will take days!" He chuckled in excitement as they turned the corner and strolled down the hall. As they came to the training room door Kylo raised his hand and it slid open easily revealing several troopers practicing their combat inside. He felt Chrystalline freeze beside him before they entered. "They can't see us, remember?"

"Oh, right." She nodded and moved along the perimeter of the chamber with him watching as the clearly amateur fighters missed every other blow, cursing loudly as they did so.

"Our beginners train up to 6 hours a day and even more so in the larger ship, right now we don't have the space to give them all the time they need and obviously," He pointed shamefully at the bumbling troopers, "It shows."

"I'd love to see you fight." Chrystalline gasped quietly, surprising herself as the words tumbled out of her mouth. Her eyes grew wide as she looked up at Kylo, who was smirking knowingly to himself.

"I don't know if you could handle it." Kylo joked, but admittedly he was thrilled that she asked, he was a terrifically adept fighter and it wasn't very often that he got to show off for someone, if at all.

"Well, you don't have to, I'm just being silly." Her face grew red, surely he didn't want to after having already trained today.

"Replace your weapons and leave the room." Kylo spoke loudly, but eerily calm. Chrystalline watched again as the troopers stopped what they were doing, put their training weapons back in their proper positions along the rack and walked, single file, out the room. With one smooth motion Kylo removed his cloak and threw it to the side, taking his light saber from his side and raising his hand to activate the training droids he wordlessly began.

Chrystalline was paralyzed with fascination. She'd never seen something so thrilling and in a way almost beautiful. It was clear to her he knew exactly what he was doing as he seemed to step into place to block moves before they even happened. It was like a bizarre and precise dance and he was brilliant! Unparalleled in his focus. She had witnessed small scraps between men before on her home planet, but nothing like this. It was if his body was made for it. The flexion and tension that rippled among his muscles as he swung and ducked and plunged toward his metal assailants left her breathless. This kind of dedication was something to be respected no matter what side it was allying with.

Kylo could feel her hot gaze on him with every move he made and rather than hold back in embarrassment he fought as if there was truly something to be won, impressing even himself as he landed blows that would have made an actual body explode from impact. After a few beads of sweat formed at his brow he held up his hand to cease the bots. His light saber withdrew and he turned to her, triumphant.

"That... you... that was incredible!" She panted, holding her chest after realizing she'd been holding her breath almost the entire time she watched his display. "You're incredible."

Kylo pulled on his cloak again, biting his lip as not to give away how good it felt to be complimented on something he'd practiced at for so long.

"They'll all match me at some point in their skill, but thank you. You've really never seen anything like that?"

"You're too modest! And no, of course not, a congressman's daughter can't be exposed to something so barbaric, she would obviously have no use for it." She laughed, mockingly. It was so plain to see that being a skilled fighter was far from barbaric but an art.

"I think you'd be a great fighter given the chance, you're tall, you have the reach, and of course, the attitude." Kylo pulled a staff from the wall walking towards her with it, "Here." He placed it in her hands and took his place behind her, one hand on each side of hers. As they took a step forward together his leg caught her hip and she was immediately reminded of the fresh cuts on her skin as a surge of adrenaline coursed through her from the pain. She did her best to conceal a grimace and took her hands off the staff.

"Perhaps when I've had a little less to drink." She smiled nervously, hoping he hadn't caught her expression, or worse read her thoughts of regret at the day's earlier actions. "But, I would be grateful to have the chance to learn." In all honesty she realized it as a chance to take out her aggression and emotions on something besides herself.

"Ah, good thinking, well then let's continue with the tour shall we?" He looped his arm around hers and directed them again out the door. Delighted at how the night was progressing and coming to enjoy the effect of the crav Kylo let a smile remain painted across his face as they strolled, now making their way to the floor to ceiling windows at the helm of the ship. He had never had someone look on him quite like that when he fought. Yes his inferiors respected his ability, but the main emotion in their eyes was always fear, knowing he could turn on them with one wrong step. The amazement in Chrystalline's face as she watched him filled him with a sense of pride he had never been allowed to feel when Snoke was around, never quite good enough in his eyes. The desire to hold her close in thanks overwhelmed him for just a moment before they came to a halt in front of the expansive view before them.

"Wow," Chrystalline gasped, taking a small sip from her glass. "How could anyone ever get tired of a view like this?"

"What do you mean?"

"My father used to complain about being on the ship of the galactic congress for long trips. Saying it was nothing but the same for eternity. He used to use it as an excuse not to bring me along. I so desperately wanted to go, just once." Her eyes flicked from star to star, their brightness reflecting in the dark pools of her eyes.

"The more you tell me of your father the more I sense you didn't really get along."

Chrystalline shot him a look without even thinking.

"It certainly wasn't from my lack of trying." She huffed angrily but her expression grew solemn. "My father never forgave me."

Doing his best not to pry as badly as he wanted to, he kept his hand out of her thoughts.

"Never forgave you... for what?"

"For killing my mother." She said flatly, turning her eyes back to the window.

"You're mother died in childbirth Chrystalline, that isn't murder, that's just terrible luck. You were a baby, he couldn't be serious."

"Somehow, to him, it was my fault. He told me all the time how much he'd wished the Gods had taken me instead." Chrystalline didn't look to be focusing on anything at all anymore. Her gaze was hollow and far off. The tone in her voice grew flat. "That's why he kept me with the maids so often, best as not to see me at all."

Kylo couldn't believe his ears. What kind of man could be so unspeakably cruel and wildly unreasonable to accuse a child of the unfortunate death of his wife and to continue to punish her for it her entire life? He wasn't even sure of what to say, his instinct was to wrap her in his arms the way her father surely hadn't and cradle the broken child he'd left.

They stood silently for what seemed like hours, taking in what had been said.

"If I ever have a child, I will never leave him behind. I will never let him wonder, for even a moment, if I love him." Now with his own rage bubbling within him he clenched his fists. "How can they not realize that their actions have consequences that shape everything about you. Humans are so selfish."

Chrystalline got the sense that he wasn't just speaking of her situation anymore and came back from the place she'd wandered in her head. Catching a glimpse of Kylo's fist trembling beside her she grabbed his hand, stilling it.

Kylo jumped slightly at her touch, he wasn't sure now who was comforting who, but he was grateful for it.

"I don't mean to offend you Chrystalline, but your father sounds like an utter idiot. A man should be proud to have a daughter quite so headstrong as you and who stands her own in the face of danger like you did the night you were brought before me. You may feel otherwise, but I'm glad you're here with me now instead, someone who can appreciate your courage and your kindness."

She couldn't tell if it was the crav or simply the profundity of his words that was causing her to tear up once again but she looked up at him earnestly.

"I'm glad too. Thank you, Kylo. Those were words I truly needed to hear." A single tear broke free and glided down her cheek and before she could make to wipe it away his curled finger was at her cheek doing it for her. She bit her lip and pushed forward, pressing her face into his chest abruptly, her arms curling around his waist. Not since Abel had a man been so kind to her without ulterior motives and all this from the man of horror stories, the Supreme Leader. She could not wrap around what her world had become within these last few days, but it certainly wasn't what she'd pictured when she'd been traded onto Kylo's ship.

Constantly surprised by her physicality and boldness to reach for him Kylo grasped her to him. His hand messing her bun as he ran his fingers over the back of her head.

"Should we cut the tour short tonight? I'm getting a bit tired myself I must admit." He said without letting go, rubbing her back slowly in contemplation. She nodded against him wordlessly and pulled away, wiping her eyes.

He was becoming so comfortable with feeling close to someone and just being near someone, he couldn't help but revel in it slightly and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and lead them back to the room.

When the door closed behind them inside his chambers it was obvious the day's emotional toll was taking full effect as she sat wearily on the bed, her eyes heavily lidded.

"Lay back sweet girl, I'll take your boots off." The words rang in his ear. 'Sweet girl?' Had he really just said that? Words of affection were really only something he'd read in books, never uttered between real people in earnest. He couldn't help but think he liked it, this layer of himself her presense was continually revealing.

Chrystalline did as he said, too tired to even comprehend the pet name. He removed her boots and placed the covers over her, smoothing her hair back before walking away to remove his own.

"You're...so good." She mumbled deliriously to his back as her eyes closed on his form.

Kylo's eyebrows shot up in amazement, now those were words he'd really never thought he'd hear. He smiled to himself and turned his head back so she would hear him.

"Only to you, Chrystalline, only to you."


	8. Chapter 8

**A:N/ Another trigger warning on this chapter, but I promise this is the last one. Tomorrow's chapter is gonna get down and dirty with some real shit so I apologize for those who don't like a little fluff today. I'm enjoying the interest! It's been so long since I've written so every view is a boost! Hope everyone enjoys this chapter. It hits a little close to home for me so I enjoyed the catharsis in writing it.**

Chrystalline awoke after what felt like days finding herself alone in Kylo's bed. There was already a breakfast spread sat out for her on the desk which told her she'd slept far later than she normally does. She shrugged to herself, thankful for the rest after the last few days of torment. Not only had she been forced to come to terms with the fact that her beloved fiance had been brutally murdered, but she also said aloud for the first time the truth about her father and his open disdain he held towards her. Without the fog of the crav clouding her brain the realization sunk in like it hadn't last night. A wave of sorrow washed over her, but she refused to let it through, she physically couldn't take another moment of crying, not today. She knew her father didn't even deserve her tears, but despite remaining emotionless she felt her chest grow full and hot with pain. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror as she sat up, her face red now and trembling in effort to maintain.

Once again, thoughtlessly she stood and made eyes at the carving knife that had been set out next to some kind of breakfast meat. Grabbing it and turning away from her reflection she pulled up her skirts to reveal the opposite hip. Making a silent promise to herself that this would be the last time she would allow herself to act out this way she slowly etched five deep matching gashes into her skin. She went deeper this time, causing herself to yelp and bite her own lip in order to silence it. When she finished the relief flew over her again for just a moment as the crimson, even darker this time, fell down her leg and pooled onto the floor. She didn't even have time to enjoy the sense of calm as she realized this was much more blood than she'd ever drawn from herself and it wasn't showing any signs of slowing. She used her skirt to mop up the puddle but the more she tried, the more frantic she became. This time she'd gone too deep, lest she risk bleeding out here on the floor she made her way, dripping, to the door. There was an intercom droid from which Kylo had said she could contact him or chamber droids. She pressed it, praying he was busy and wouldn't be the one to find her like this.

"I need help! Please!" She said breathlessly, tightening her own skirt around the wounds, trying to restrict the blood flow. "Someone, hurry!"

Kylo was mid training session when he heard her, the first time being unsure but then struck with terror as the second call came in. His mind raced with what in the Gods name's could be happening in his chamber. Halting the training bots and sheathing his saber in one motion he ran out of the room without even his cloak. Surely no one else knew that she was in there? He'd been so careful as to conceal them on their tour, knowing full well the dangers that could be raised if any of the physically deprived troopers had any inkling that there was a woman alone, everyday, in his room.

As he turned the corner of the hallway to his room he forced the door to open as soon as his eyes hit it.

"Chrystalline!" He shouted, sprinting now to get in the doorway to her.

He was almost knocked off his feet when he found a trail of blood leading from his door to where she sat. She was curled sheepishly in dark puddle, the skirts of her dress soaked to her waist. The color had all but drained from her face as she used the last of her strength to look up at him, still uselessly attempting to stop the blood.

"Oh Gods! What... who?!" He sunk to his knees, unsure of where to start. "What happened Chrystalline, who did this?" He couldn't even see where the blood was coming from he just held his hands over hers, tight to her waist and upper thigh.

Chrystalline's eyes rolled back in her head as she tried to gather to strength to tell him what she'd done to herself. But the words escaped her and her head fell slack against him.

Kylo didn't ask another word, but gathered her in his arms, wrapping the skirt tightly around where he assumed the wound was and made for the medbay. He didn't even think to conceal them, moving to quickly to put in the effort he saw heads turning out of the corners of his eyes as he rushed down the corridors. They would all know soon enough, but that wasn't his concern right now.

The medbay door slid open and he placed her on the closest bed. Droids rushed to his side and started mechanically jostling her body looking for the wound. He couldn't stand the sight of them moving her around that way and pushed half of them aside. Placing his hands on her skirt and pulling the soaked fabric away from her skin he closed his eyes.

'Forgive me.' He thought as he ripped the last of it from around her waist revealing five perfectly even deep slices stacked one on top of the other around her hip. His eyes widened as the blood continued to pulse out of her, slowly now, but steadily.

"Get the doctor!" He bellowed startling a BB unit so much it's top hit the floor.

Kylo had never seen something like this, he couldn't wrap his head around what would have caused it. As he looked over her he quickly realized on her other hip were five identical cuts, already scabbing and not nearly as deep but it was all quickly becoming unmistakably obvious that she had made these marks herself. A gasp escaped his lips and his hand came up to cover his mouth. This poor creature. How much unrelenting anguish must a being feel inside to do this to themselves? He couldn't even fathom. Throughout all his years of what he thought was incomparable mental torment the thought had never even crossed his mind to release it in such a way. He gazed on, completely perplexed as the doctor, without asking, moved him aside to start stitching the cuts.

"Do you know how this happened, Supreme Leader?" He asked, his hand moving precisely, threading the needle in and out without pausing.

"I'm not fully certain, but I think... I think she did this to herself. Look at the other side."

"I noticed. I haven't seen someone able to cut themselves so deeply so many times in all of my life. That takes some serious ability to dissociate from one's self." He shook his head in pity. The droids worked behind him, cauterizing the seams of the stitches. "She's going to need to talk to someone, this kind of behavior isn't normal, obviously. She shouldn't be left alone."

Kylo watched as the droids hooked up a bag of blood to an I.V.

"Is that really necessary?" He gestured.

"She lost a lot of fluid, thank Gods you found her when you did."

Kylo shuddered at the thought of getting to his room any later than he had and possibly finding her too far gone on the floor.

Chrystalline let out a cough unexpectedly and suddenly sputtered back to life, gasping gently as her eyes shot open. When she finally caught her breath and let the bright sterile lights of the room around her settle in her vision she caught sight of Kylo, his face full of worry, perking up in his chair at her movement. And then her eyes met the doctor's who gave a small smile but continued working on her hip. Before she could even ask what was happening she remembered exactly what she had done. Shame overtook her like an avalanche and she moved her eyes away again, wishing the floor would open up and swallow her. Despite herself she felt Kylo moving to her side as his form blocked out the harsh medbay lights.

"You scared me." He couldn't think of anything else to say. Now wasn't the right time to ask her what kind of thoughts had consumed her so wholly she was able to do this to herself.

Chrystalline couldn't bring herself to look at him. This isn't how she wanted him to find out about this habit, if at all. Only once before had she done it so badly that she had to be brought to the doctor and then her father had chided her relentlessly. Telling her how much shame she had brought to herself and to their family, repeating over and over how disgusted he was with her. And even then she hadn't done it this badly. She could only imagine the mess she'd surely left all over his room.

"You're lucky he found you when he did. You really did a number on yourself." The doctor said flatly. Kylo winced at the carelessness of his words, he could easily see the discomfort in Chrystalline's face. Surely this wasn't an easy subject to discuss especially like this.

The doctor finished his sutures and stepped away, leaving them alone, both searching somewhere, anywhere but at one another to fix their eyes upon.

"You must think I'm insane." She mumbled, tears forming in her eyes. If he hadn't wanted to be rid of her before he surely would now.

"No... no, of course not." He pulled himself closer to her side in the wheeled stool he perched on. "I'll be honest in that I can't say I fully understand, but you've been through so much in the last few days it's only natural to act out in one way or another. You've never seen me in one of my moods, I've been known to tear apart a room like an unchained animal." He smiled, trying ever so gently to lighten the mood. His hand moved to her forehead and smoothed the loose hairs back from her face, wordlessly urging her to look at him.

She gulped lightly at his touch as the tears breached and fell down her cheeks.

"No one understands. It's so stupid. Why would anyone do something like this to themselves? I've... I've never done it this bad before. I don't know what came over me. I just felt so alone, it's become entirely clear that I don't really have anything to go back to anymore and without Abel... I never really did."

"Who said you had to go back?" Kylo blurted, surprising himself.

Chrystalline furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and finally looked at him.

"You don't mean that Kylo. Look at me." She gestured towards her bloodied and bandaged body. "I'm a mess. You, Supreme Leader, have so much to accomplish lying ahead of you. You don't need me hanging around, holding you back... no one does."

Kylo couldn't believe his ears, he'd never in his life heard anyone speak of themselves so disparagingly. He had spent so much of his life feeling sorry for himself and sure in the fact that no one had suffered the way he did, but this, this was something else entirely. How could someone so beautiful think so little of themselves? Had her father really ingrained the sense of worthlessness within her that deeply that she believed she needed to suffer in such a way? The thought of it made him ache.

"Don't talk like that. I couldn't bring myself to give you back to your father, not after everything you've told me. I want you here... with me. You're so strong Chrystalline, you have to see that. I'll make you see that."

"How can you say that? Strong people don't break like this, they don't scar their bodies with their anger!"

"Only a strong person would be able to do that Chrystalline, don't you see? I'm not saying it's the right way to handle things, but one can only take so much. It's obvious you endured until you just couldn't any more, everyone had a breaking point."

Chrystalline couldn't believe the way he was speaking of what she'd done. Any other person to find out only reacted with disgust or disdain. Even her sweet Abel had threatened on the last time she'd done it to leave her if she did it again. Again she found the only words coming to mind for Kylo at that moment to be...

"You're so good." She let one tiny sob escape her and grabbed his hand to her chest. "Thank you..."

"For what?"

"For not treating me like a lunatic. I'm not proud of myself for what I've done. I never am. It's just... sometimes the emotions, they're just too much," She tapped her chest. "Inside. And when I do this just for a second it ceases and the pain becomes comprehensible and I'm able to endure it."

In that Kylo easily understood. When he found himself swinging on inanimate objects when rage overtook him he delighted in the pain he felt in his knuckles and hands as the metal beat him back. He nodded at her knowingly.

"You continue to surprise me Chrystalline, you're more full of depth than I could have imagined. I won't ask you not to do this again, because no one can ask that of someone but themselves, but I will say, please tell me if you're feeling the urge. We can work through it together. I know that's a lot, trust me I do, but know that I will never look down on you for asking. I owe you that."

The doctor walked back around the corner.

"I'm going to put a little something in your I.V for the pain."

"No, don't please." She said sheepishly only looking at Kylo. A coy smile crept across her lips "Kind of defeats the purpose doesn't it?"

Kylo chuckled heartily at her morbidity and shook his head. The doctor grimaced and walked away again, obviously to perplexed to even answer.

"I have to say, you're unlike anyone I've ever met before, and I can't get enough of it." He squeezed her hand sweetly. "I'm not letting you get away anytime soon."

Chrystalline sighed, suddenly relieved in knowing she no longer had to keep her secret from him. She looked over his features, taking in the sincerity, she wasn't going to say it now, but he wasn't like anyone she'd ever come across either. Her hand came up to his cheek and her fingertips lightly tangled in his hair and she smiled knowing he was reading her thoughts anyway. They sat like that for what felt like hours, consciously content in the silence, gazing at each other while the machines blipped around them.

"I won't go anywhere." She breathed, now filling with the unfamiliar feeling of being understood.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Another emotion filled chapter today, hope you all enjoy! I'll probably post again Saturday, I can't help myself!**

Kylo sat in the command room buried with work to catch up on, normally he would stay in his chambers to do so, but he felt he needed to make himself seen after being in and out so often in the last few days, not to mention Chrystalline was resting heavily on and off in his room. He wasn't going to bring it up on his own but he knew the fact that he was seen carrying her to the medbay would be brought up at some point soon, he could already tell the pilots in the command room were being conspicuously quiet. The doors suddenly swung open and Hux entered loudly as Kylo presumed he soon would.

"Supreme Leader, I hope you'll be delighted to hear one of our flight crews in on the way with the new Destroyer as we speak, we should be able to dock into it by late afternoon tomorrow!" He pulled the chair out and seated himself across from Kylo, smiling triumphantly. Kylo couldn't even bring himself to mock him, despite the emotion filled events he'd experienced the last few days he was content in knowing Chrystalline wouldn't be going anywhere and that everything within the Order was right on track.

"Well you'd be right, I'm looking forward to seeing it in all it's glory myself." He gave Hux a sincere and pleased nod. "And we still have our sights on the Resistance yes?"

"Yes Sir, as soon as the new ship is in our possession they will be our next stop, from the news I've gathered they haven't grown much at all, their allies throughout the galaxy and outer rim have all but abandoned them. They will be so easy to crush it's almost unsatisfying... almost. We're so close to accomplishing everything we've ever wanted Leader, I can nearly taste it." He sneered gleefully.

"Perfect, well I don't mean to be rude but I have a lot to catch up on." He gestured towards his data pad and the array of binders and books around him.

"Yes, of course. I just wanted to stop in and report." Hux gathered himself once again and stood turning to leave, but suddenly stopping mid step to turn back. "Ah leader, before I go, I don't mean to intrude but..."

'Here we go.' Kylo thought, rolling his eyes to himself.

"Multiple men saw you with a woman yesterday, carrying her to the medbay. Is she anyone of concern?"

"Her name is Chrystalline, I liberated her from the position of comfort maid after meeting her. That reminds me, when we acquire the new ship I wish to do away with that program entirely. After we conquer what we set out to do the men are free to do whatever they please with whomever they please, but the needn't be distracted until then and no pimps need to be making profit under the First Order." Kylo looked at Hux sternly knowing full well he had never taken advantage of the program, but making his point none the less. He watched as Hux opened his mouth as if to protest but seemingly made up his mind in agreement and nodded.

"The men won't be too pleased, but I agree, it's a barbaric practice and I'm happy to see it abolished."

"Good, but as I was saying, Chrystalline is to remain in my quarters for now as my guest. I'd appreciate it if we could set out separate chambers for her and her own chamber droids close to mine on the new ship. She is not to be bothered by any of the troopers nor anyone else lest they seek to be punished themselves."

"Yes Sir, I just... I hope she she won't be a distraction. We are so close to achieving everything we've wanted for so long-"

"I'm here right now aren't I?" There was the Hux he knew, overstepping little shrew. "Quite the contrary, not that it's any of your business, but her presence has helped me focus more clearly on my goals and reign in my temper."

"Well then, I'm glad to have her aboard. I'll see to your requests of her chambers and yours. That is all." He turned again and walked out with a few troopers behind him.

Kylo watched as he left, annoyed by his prying, but grateful to have gotten the secret out. Now Chrystalline wouldn't have to be cooped up in his chambers every day anymore and was free to roam as she pleased unbothered. He hoped he could get her interested in training as a way to relieve her rage. With thoughts of her and the new ship he returned his attentions to the data pad and the suddenly for the first time in days his ears were flooded with a familiar voice. _Hers_.

She was giggling happily with someone else. Kylo turned swiftly in his chair trying to set his eyes on her to no avail, he was only met with the confused looks of the few pilots still in the room.

"You will leave and shut the door behind you." He ordered calmly, closing his eyes to better focus the Force connection. They did as they were told, their eyes glazing over as they left the room. Kylo was quickly grasped with the realization he hadn't even thought of Rey in the longest time since he'd become aware of her existence. Chrystalline had been such a needed and obvious distraction. Still unable to see her in the command room he stilled himself and focused harder on her voice.

"Rey, I hear you." He stated flatly, opening his eyes to find her before him now, she was taken aback by the connection, pulling her covers over her naked chest. She looked next to her, trying to disguise the fact that Kylo was now in the room with her and it became entirely clear she was in bed with someone.

Kylo felt his face wrinkle in disgust and a heat that had finely dissipated reignite in mere seconds within him. The pure and perfect Rey was now untangling herself from someone else before him, wrapping her sheets around herself and stepping into another room to face him.

"Well, that didn't take very long." He growled, he couldn't even look at her. If he hadn't been certain she was lying before about how she felt about him, he definitely was now. "Let me guess, was it Poe?"

"Don't be a hypocrite, I saw you just the same with a total stranger just days ago! What does it matter to you?" She knitted her eyebrows and spat her words out harshly.

"Oh Rey, well you don't know me at all the way I thought you did if that's really what you think I was up to. I was fully clothed for one, if you remember correctly. I told you then she didn't mean to me what you did and I meant it. Apparently my word means world's more than yours."

"And I'm just to believe you meant to wait for me, indefinitely?" Her expression began to give way to the disbelief she felt, growing hot with shame as she took in his words, knowing full well she had jumped to conclusions and made a quick decision to somehow get back at him, but in doing so she had only harmed herself.

"I never said I wouldn't. Did you not listen to me the other day at all?! You have to know that if anything more had been shared between Chrystalline and I, you would be aware of it whether I wanted you to be or not. Just as I've now been made aware of you and... Dameron." He sneered, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to look at her quite the same again. This new spiteful side of her wasn't one he thought he'd ever see. He didn't realize she was even capable of it.

"You really expect me to believe you had no intentions with a woman that's been sharing your bed for almost a week now?" She was grasping at what little indignation she felt she was owed despite knowing just by the look on his face he wasn't being dishonest in the slightest.

"You know full well I didn't Rey, I still don't. Yes I'm enjoying her company, but that girl is more significantly wounded inside than I'd ever thought possible within a human being. Being physically intimate with her or even romantic hasn't crossed my mind, even once." Kylo thought fondly of the short time he'd had with Chrystalline for just a moment. All the shocking realizations she'd stirred within him.

Rey couldn't even think of anything to rebuke him with. She stared at the ground in disbelief at herself for acting so hastily without reviewing the facts. She could feel in his disapproving gaze he would never be able to think of her as he did. As the pure and beautiful Rey, protector of the light. If anything now she would just become to him another faceless member of the Resistance despite whatever connection they may have, she had surely soiled it irreparably. Before she could sink further into her self pity she shook her head, what did it matter what he thought anymore? He was still the Supreme Leader of the First Order who meant to do nothing but decimate herself and everyone she knew. With a renewed sense of herself she fired back.

"At least Poe and I share something you and I will never share as long as it's up to you."

"And what would that be?" Kylo grimaced at the sound of Poe's name on her lips.

"We have hope and faith in the success of the Resistance. We share a goal that you've made inescapably clear you and I will never share." She huffed, perhaps this was what needed to happen in order for her to break free of the false hope she had for Ben.

"Right," Kylo chuckled hatefully. "Well I hope you and your man are very happy together." He couldn't admit to himself the nausea that the whole reveal was stirring within him. He should be thankful Rey seemingly made her best effort at forever weakening the bond between them, he could now be even more assured in his destiny, but Gods how it stung. He couldn't tear from his mind the visions coming to him now of Rey being held close in Poe's arms. Laughing together, growing closer in their common goal. The fire of rage stoked within him at the admittance to himself that someone so unworthy and so easily expendable had been awarded the pleasure of taking Rey's purity. He turned away from her, not wanting her to see the torment she had once again instilled in him. For the first time since he'd left the ship to battle Skywalker he was filled with the urge to tear things apart in one of his epic tantrums.

"You're so cruel." She whimpered, feeling torn at the seams by the want to be near him and the need to desire for herself otherwise.

"I think you might be the one who is cruel, Rey. Look what you've done."

She knew he was right, she'd put something between them now that wouldn't ever go away even if the galaxy did shift and Ben did return to the light, this was irreversible. She refused to let the tears break before him, but she knew he felt her sorrow, her regret.

Although he wanted to look upon her one last time before their bond inevitably faded that day he couldn't bring himself to turn around. He listened as she failed to squelch a small sob, angry at himself for feeling even the smallest grain of sympathy. Her cries grew soft and within seconds he knew she was gone. As soon as all his senses came back to the room he let it go, grabbing first his data pad and cracking it over his knee with a growl. Next he stood picking up his chair and hurling it across the room into a control board sending sparks and pieces everywhere. He raised his hand to open the door, now shaking with fury he stepped out of the room into the hall almost colliding with two roaming troopers, he thought nothing of sending them flying, slamming both of them into opposing walls as he passed. After disposing of them he ran his hands along the walls as he stomped, using the force to tear long strips along them, the metal coiling back with his steps.

He stepped into the training room not even bothering to turn on the droids he unsheathed his saber and sent parts in every direction as he thrashed, screaming with each swing as if Poe Dameron was in front of him now. He went on like that until every inch of the training room was destroyed, what did it matter anyways, they'd have a new one tomorrow. He let out one weakened yelp with his last blow to the final bot and dropped to his knees, catching himself before his face hit the floor in exhaustion. In that moment he hated her. Hated her in a way he hadn't thought possible. He let out a gasp as a sob sputtered forth, saliva fell from his mouth in strands and they heaved from him without making a sound. How could she do this to him so easily? Cast him aside and take up with someone so quickly. Yes, they had differences in what they ultimately wanted, but she knew he wanted her none the less and she did it anyways. He pressed his forehead to the ground forcefully.

"AHHHHH!" He hadn't even thought of her the last few days and now she had brought him to this, a sniveling mess strewn on the floor like a impetuous toddler.

As the last bit of strength emptied from him he let himself collapse momentarily, closing his eyes to steady his breath he gathered himself and wiped his wrist gruffly across his dampened face. He used the last of his energy to Force shield himself as not to draw any attention as he staggered to his chambers, brightening ever so slightly at the thought of returning to Chrystalline. He knew without question she wouldn't even think to ask when she saw his swollen face.

He opened the door as he closed in on it, leaning momentarily on the frame.

Chrystalline shot up as she heard it open, wincing at the movement. both her hips searing with pain. She breathed in sharply as she saw his face, wet with tears. She could tell by his expression he was beyond the point of talking as he took the few labored steps towards the empty space in his bed. She scooted over best she could, stabling herself as he let his weight crash next to her. She laid back down beside him, propped on her slightly more healed side she looked on his softly as he stared still visibly angry at the ceiling.

Feeling her understanding gaze upon him he let the tears break again, quietly this time.

There weren't many times in her life that she could remember seeing a man cry, if at all if she was honest with herself, but in that moment there was something so breathtakingly humbling about seeing a man who in one moment could instill fear in the hearts of anyone he came in contact with become so utterly human in front of her, even more so than before. He needn't say anything for her to know he just wanted her there with him. She was becoming ever more appreciative of this back and forth of comforting they shared from one day to the next. Chrystalline placed her hand across his chest, open for his and he took it without hesitation. His eyes closing as he brought it to his cheek and then to his lips as he placed a small kiss on the back of it and squeezed it again to his chest. With that he turned himself to face her now, his vision finally clearing he gave a small smile of thanks as their eyes met.

Chrystalline didn't mean to but when she caught his full expression she couldn't help but feel his pain within herself. She was always an empathetic person and having him so exposed in front of her filled her with ache and wonder, wonder in what had hurt him so badly. She knew not to ask now, but the curiosity was inescapable. She pulled on his hand, directing him closer to her. Somehow he knew exactly what she was offering and Kylo sank down, placing his head on her chest and wrapping his arm tightly around her waist careful not to brush her bandaging. He synced his breathing with the rise and fall of her chest and sighed as he felt her hand stroking his head. He would explain everything to her soon enough, but this, this was somehow everything he needed right then and he reveled in how she knew that even without the Force.


	10. Chapter 10

**I just kind of let this chapter come to me in a way the others haven't, I hope it doesn't feel out of place, there's still so much to come. These next few days may get weird as I start school but I will continue to post at the very least once a week hopefully more. Hope everyone is enjoying so far and not to worry... ReyLo isn't fully squashed...**

Chapter 10

Kylo awoke slowly, refusing to open his eyes and face his new reality just yet. In his waking he reached out for Chrystalline who had drifted away from him in the night to find the space next to him empty. He must have looked panicked because he quickly heard her soft voice come from behind him.

"I'm still here." He could hear the smile in her voice as he turned over to find her perched in his desk chair, removing her bandaging to be replaced. Kylo hurried out of bed and crouched by her side, grabbing the bandages from her gently.

"Why don't you let the droids help with this, that's what they're here for. They're better at it." He bit his lip at the sight of her angry scars, he felt her skin go warm beneath them as she took the bandages back again.

"It just makes me feel better to do it myself, it's hard to explain. I've always had a sort of ritual with the entire process, even the healing." He can sense her embarrassment as she fumbles to hide the cuts from him again. He nods, pulling away to give her space. He took a deep breath, his body still exhausted from expressing so much emotion the night before.

"Thank you for being so kind Chrystalline, I really don't know what I would have done had you not been here last night. Truly. I can tell you one thing this room would be pieces at the very least." Still kneeling beside her on the floor he looked up at her, his hands holding her lightly at the knees as he searched for her eyes again.

"Well, how else could I repay you for how you've helped me through everything these last few days? I'm starting to believe we came into each others lives for just that reason." She smiled weakly, tilting her head as she looked back at him. She too being so thankful he had been there and for how seemingly easy it was for them to be close with one another, physically and otherwise. She'd never so easily let someone in before and she knew without him telling her that he hadn't either.

"I can't see a better explanation." He fell back gently, letting himself sit with his back against the bed he took Chrystalline in once again, seeing her for the first time with her hair fully down and strewn around her shoulders, messy with curls. She wore a thin, sleeveless, gray sleeping gown that sunk in a low v between her breasts. She had the fabric drawn up around her legs as she patched herself again, her feet propped on a low footstool. She looked wild and organic, her legs were slim but muscular, the striations gently twitching with her movements. Some part of him wished he hadn't taken his hands off her just yet. He knew he meant it when he told Rey romantic thoughts with Chrystalline were the farthest thing from his mind, but he couldn't deny the biological urge within when he watched her slim figure across from him.

She could feel his eyes on her now in a way she hadn't before, the stare was almost...lustful. It wasn't a look she was unfamiliar with, being subject to it often when she walked into town on her home planet. Normally feeling strangers basically undressing her with their eyes as she went past filled her with a disgusted rage, but feeling it now from Kylo took her by pleasant surprise. She felt herself unconsciously sit taller and perk out her chest, shaking her hair and gently flipping it behind her shoulder. Despite everything that had happened in the last few days for those brief seconds it felt nice to just be so obviously desired. She could already tell there would be no acting on it, nor would she even be able to given the chance, but the thought of momentary escape was welcomed wholeheartedly.

Kylo could tell she was flaunting a bit now, he took a sense of pride in knowing her movements were being made for only his eyes to enjoy. He gulped and felt his stomach tighten, his entire body stiffening with arousal as she sat back in her chair and looked at him with a smirk sliding across her lips. His mind was suddenly screaming at him to draw her close in a way he hadn't experienced except for in the moments he and Rey were first alone together within the force, but somehow now that desire was so much more real. There was nothing keeping him from doing so expect the part of him wanting to respect that Chrystalline until just days ago had been engaged to a man she loved. Still there was something about the look she was giving him now that implied she wouldn't object to it.

Chrystalline couldn't even fully comprehend what was transpiring so quietly between them, but suddenly the urge to be touched in way that wasn't just comforting was overwhelming her. She could see the hunger that was pulsing from his expression and it was filling her with a satisfaction she didn't even realize she needed. She became aware of herself breathing harder and quicker as it grew more and more difficult to maintain a normal disposition. Grabbing hold of her thoughts she shook her head and began trying to distract herself from his gaze, but before she could even make sense of what was happening Kylo had moved close to her again, his hands were grasping her thighs as he looked up at her, his face asking for permission.

Kylo wasn't going to question himself anymore in this moment, he held tight to her, his fingertips taking in the feel of her soft, warm flesh beneath them. As their eyes met he probed ever so slightly and knew she wanted it too, whatever it was that was going to happen between them then. He let his hands guide him, being careful not to hurt her they slid up gently to her hips and his face replaced them at her legs. He closed his eyes and began planting small kisses first on her knees and then her thighs, feeling her fingers tangle in his hair as he kissed more firmly, lingering as they reached higher. His breath grew husky as he became intensely aware of her scent. Despite never having experienced it before he felt something primal within him stir and his kisses grew even more ravenous as his mouth came to a halt, resting on the thin stretch of fabric separating him from her most intimate part.

Chrystalline let out a moan but pulled her pelvis away, suddenly snapping into reality at the feeling of his hot breath between her thighs, she wanted to be close to him, but she wasn't ready to let anyone that close to her again just yet. Her fear of offending him quickly dissipated as he continued up her body, softly nibbling and sucking at her flesh as he kissed just below her belly button, his hands now clutching desperately at the small of her back.

He felt himself now losing himself in her, in this embrace. The only thing he could compare it to was when he was intent in a training session, but even then his mind was square on something, but not in this, he wasn't thinking at all, he wasn't reading, he wasn't probing he was just feeling. Feeling her move under his touch, feeling each response of her body to everywhere he placed his lips, his hands. He wouldn't remove her nightgown, not this time, he knew neither of them were quite prepared for that kind of intimacy, but as his lips reached her breastbone he moved his hand over one breast, kneading gently through the fabric he relaxed slightly as his body opened for her response. She placed her hand over his encouragingly, her other hand gripping tighter in his hair as his lips traced along her neck, his hips now square between her thighs.

Chrystalline prepared herself for his lips to find hers, now hungry for their mouths to connect feeling them drawn in a bit of skin just below her jaw. She was pulling him close now with all of her, her legs wrapping around his hips and her arms tight around his neck and shoulders. She couldn't stand waiting any longer and pulled her neck away to align her lips with his, but as she did he grunted and pulled away abruptly, all of him was suddenly snatched from away from her and she fell forward in her seat, reaching as he stepped away.

"Gods, I'm so sorry Chrystalline..." As his lips went to meet hers Kylo's mind went effortlessly and immediately to Rey and all the wants and desires he had for her flooded back just long enough to snap him free of everything he and Chrystalline were entangled in. He was instantly angry with himself for letting Rey ruin something once again. "I wanted that, I want you... I just... it's..." He couldn't find the words.

Somehow the name came straight to her as he stuttered to explain, after seeing him last night and feeling the torment within him now only one explanation made sense.

"Is it Rey?" She asked meekly. Smoothing her skirt down over her legs, suddenly feeling overly exposed.

Kylo's eyes grew wide in amazement. How had she remembered? And how was she so intuitive to realize thoughts of Rey were what was plaguing him now. His shoulders slumped in defeat at her knowing, but also relief. He sat back against the bed again and nodded his head, feeling ashamed at the thought of not being man enough to continue physically pursuing her.

"How did you know?"

"It doesn't matter, just tell me what happened... if you want to, but I think we both know it won't leave your mind until you talk about it."

Kylo sighed and placed his hand in front of his mouth, unsure of how to even begin. Rey was everything, how did he explain that?

"Let's just say this, if the Gods make a perfect mate for everyone, Rey is mine, whether she wants to believe it or not. She won't accept it because I have chosen the dark side and she the light, but in the end, she was made for me and I for her." Kylo had never put it in words, but in saying it everything became more clear than it ever had to him. "We are the last two people in the galaxy to be bestowed with the force and I _know_ we are meant to rule the galaxy together under a new order, I can see it, but she cannot see past the crimes I've had to commit to get closer to my destiny and she hates me for it. She would kill me given the chance and has tried." His eyes clamped shut at the thought of the look of determination on her face as she grabbed for his lightsaber in Snoke's chamber. "She is becoming increasingly loyal to the Resistance with each passing day, I fear it is too late to win her to my side. Especially now..."

"Why now?" Chrystalline knew there was so much more to the mess he'd been left in last night.

"She's given herself to another member of the Resistance," He coughed, hoping she would pick up on the implication he was referring to. "Despite telling me she felt the same for me I do for her, she awarded her purity to a pilot in a deluded act of revenge on me. She had it in her mind that you and I had done the same, which is ludicrous because with the connection she and I share she would know without question if that was actually the case." Kylo could hear himself getting increasingly louder as he explained. "I found her yesterday with him... through the force we can see one another, no matter how far apart we are, I don't know why, but it brought her to me like that, it was as if she wanted me to know."

"I'm so sorry, I can't help but feel this is partly my fault. If I hadn't been here..." Chrystalline couldn't fathom being an object of jealousy in the state she was in. Surely if this Rey could see her too, bandaged, bloody and an emotional wreck herself she wouldn't have jumped to conclusions about she and Kylo.

"No, no, no. Chrystalline, it's clear to me now in how quickly she was able to do this that she would have acted out in this way at some point or another no matter if you were around are not. I know our attraction to each other is causing conflict within her about her purpose and she's fighting it. Her knowledge about you was a poor and easy excuse."

"Is that why you were touching me just now? To get back at her?" Chrystalline cringed hearing the words escape he mouth. She didn't even really think that to be the case no matter what had happened between he and Rey, she could feel the difference.

"Not at all, I wasn't even thinking about her. You're so beautiful Chrystalline and seeing you sitting there, I don't know what came over me, I've never been with a woman like that, in any way. If anything I was using you for just a moment as a chance to escape everything going through my head, but I think if you're being honest with yourself, you were using me too." He wished he hadn't stopped, as much as the conversation they were having now needed to be had, he wanted to rewind to being lost in her again, this was almost too much.

She knew he was right, being physical had always been a way of escape for her with Abel. Whenever he came to her and stole her away from her father's house in the middle of the night, if she and her father had fought that day or if she had felt particularly put down upon by him she didn't even use words but rather flung herself at Abel in just the way Kylo had just flung himself at her. Hungry and searching and needy.

"I promise that won't happen again, I'm so sorry. I know you've been through so much in the last few days that was thoughtless of me. It just... it hurts so much." He spat, biting his lip, determined not to let Rey get to him again. Not today.

"I can only imagine. To be betrayed in such a way. You have nothing to be sorry for. What a silly girl to throw away someone who feels so strongly about her... She'll come to her senses, surely."

"At this point I can't even be the one to care if she does, I can't let her be a distraction to me anymore. If she won't stand by my side then I can't do anything to protect her, we're moving in on the Resistance swiftly and if that's the path she chooses then I have no choice to treat her as just another Rebel. First and foremost I have a destiny to fulfill Chrystalline, it will be unlike anything the galaxy has ever seen..." He trailed off, staring blankly before him and breathing heavily, bringing himself back to center. He looked up at Chrystalline, making a sudden realization. "You don't have to stand by my side... but I hope you'll come with me."

She couldn't even be fully certain of what he was asking her, Chrystalline had never really had an opinion one way or the other about the First Order. She had always known they were an outlying threat but Congress was no longer aligning with the Resistance either, not wanting to make themselves a target. She did know for sure many lives had been lost at the hands of the First Order and specifically Kylo, and she couldn't bring herself to agree with that, but had it not been for him she would probably be being handed off from man to man and kept prisoner indefinitely with no help from her father to come to her so she couldn't help but feel a certain loyalty to him, that and everything else he had become to her in the last week together. Perhaps it was naive but at this point she felt it was too late to make any other kind of decision and not risk losing not only her safety, but Kylo as well. Without giving herself another second to think she nodded and lifted herself from the chair to now kneel before him. Positioning herself between his knees she lifted his chin with her hand.

"I'm already with you."


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:**

 **Thanks for your patience everyone! I hope you're still enjoying the story. It's my birthday today and I couldn't think of a better way to enjoy part of it than getting a good chapter in! Sorry they won't be coming as quickly as they were but I promise to do my best to keep them entertaining! Enjoy!**

Chapter 11

Her words echoed through his head and he was swarmed with relief but also amazement at how doubtless she was in her statement. It took her no time at all to think over his proposition and decide on loyalty to him, why was it so easy for her when she plainly didn't have anything to gain except her guaranteed protection. In that moment he felt such a peculiar mixture of emotions, partly of joy that someone would take up with him and it took them no time to decide to do so but also a nagging disappointment. Why couldn't it have been Rey? Why had she instead scoffed so harshly at his offer to not only be by him, but to rule with him equally, wasn't that the most anyone could ever dream of in this life? No, he shook his head at the thought. He couldn't be so blind as to not see the beauty of Chrystalline's devotion. He refused to be another man in her life who didn't regale her for the magnificent creature she was. He met her eyes again, her dark black pools, dripping with sincerity and giving.

"I don't deserve you." A smirk broke across his lips as he brought her in close again, cupping the back of her head in his hand as his body draped around hers.

Chrystalline couldn't help but be confused in his admiration of her. She saw herself so broken, so seemingly unfixable still that his compliments and felt displaced, but nevertheless she stayed quiet and reveled in the warmth of him, nuzzling her face in the crook of his arm. They stood like that, rocking gently in contentment with one another for what felt like hours until they were rattled apart by a sharp knock at the door.

"Sir! The new Destroyer has arrived! We are docking into it now!" Hux's voice cracked with excitement. Kylo had completely forgotten the world outside of his chambers until that moment. He cleared his throat to answer.

"Ah, yes! Be out in just a moment! Thank you General." He gripped Chrystalline by the arms, steadying them as the ship trembled as it was being taken into the mother ship. He chuckled as her eyes widened in surprise. "This is a very big day! I'd completely forgot! Just stay here for a bit longer, I'll go make sure everything's in order and then I'll come to retrieve you to take you to... your new home." The words stunned him as they came from his mouth, but he wasn't wrong, until the war was over this is where she'd be staying, by her choice, with him. Due to everyone's previous reactions to even being on the ship as his inferior wrapping his head around the fact that someone like Chrystalline would stay by his side willingly was unmistakably difficult. He pulled her in one more time as the realization of what she was committing to crashed over him. "Thank you, sweet girl, thank you for everything. I will make it worth it for you, I promise."

Chrystalline shivered at his hot breath hitting her ear with those precious words, before she could regain her composure to answer back he had walked quickly from the room to attend to business. Her head was whirling with excitement and uncertainty, everything that had just taken place between them bustling at the forefront of her mind. She knew it had been partly true that their rush to physicality had been an escape, but as she had time to process it she knew it was more than that, at least for her it was. How could it not be? This man, despite everything he and everyone around him claimed him to be was more tender towards her, more patient and forbearing than any other man she'd ever met. Yes, Abel was a good man and he was always kind to her, but still in her weak moments when she was acting out he wasn't understanding but rather dismissive. He couldn't handle her break downs at all and he refused to try to understand them, instead just fleeing onto his ship and making the excuse of a sudden necessary work excursion. She couldn't help but feel the newness and pleasure of a first love blurred the inconsistencies in his caring for her.

She knew she wouldn't push for anything, she was more than content in the graciousness he'd shown her so far as well as the affection, however platonic it may remain. There was so much to take in, in a little over a week's time she'd gone from prisoner and slave of the First Order to confidant and even dare she say friend of the Supreme Leader and now was going to be moving into a Star Destroyer to, as far as she could see, never return to the planet she called home and the distant, hateful man she called father. She couldn't make this story up. The whole scope of things had knocked her back into her chair, still having not finished re-patching herself she went to work again, trying to focus on the task rather than all the possibilities that had fallen in front of her. Although her gut seemed to think otherwise she couldn't shake the pestering thought in her head that Kylo was just enjoying her company as a distraction and would rid himself of her as soon as he tired of her and eventually got over the fact that his precious Rey had given herself to someone else. Chrystalline understood the tumultuous feelings he was having about the situation, but couldn't help but feel if Kylo truly thought this Rey was indeed his Gods made match than something so juvenile as that couldn't stand in the way of them being together for too long and if that were the case then where would that leave her? At some point she would be abandoned on the nearest inhabited planet to make it on her own... no, no. Kylo had been so good to her this far, she couldn't bring herself to believe he would leave her like that, if her left her at all. With all the questions jostling in her head she just hoped he would return soon to take her onto the new ship, she didn't appreciate the way her mind tended to wander to such dismal conclusions when left alone for too long.

Kylo was thrilled, the new Destroyer was incredible and easily dwarfed the previous one in size. He walked along it's bridge admiring the span of it with Hux and a few troopers close behind.

"I have to hand it to you Hux, you've outdone yourself with this beauty. I can't imagine a more perfect ship to begin my proper reign as Supreme Leader. I hope the rooms I requested are coming in order? I'd like to bring Chrystalline on board as soon as possible, poor girl's been cooped up in my quarters like a zoo animal long enough."

"Yes, yes Sir. The rooms are ready now, but first, uh... I've given orders that as soon as everything is on the ship and accounted for that we make our move on the Resistance at Corellia. From my sources they're still there but will be moving soon, we need to act fast if we wish to be done with the Rebels for good."

Kylo inhaled sharply, quickly brought down to earth from the excitement by the gravity of what must be finished. If he agreed to the orders, then it was settled. Rey, his mother, the Resistance would be gone and all remaining remnants of the light finally extinguished. Could he really live the rest of his life proudly knowing he was the cause of their extinction? Yes... yes, he had to. He'd come this far and as he said before there was no going back after everything and everyone he and the First Order under his command had destroyed. They were so close to fulfilling their end goals it was almost palpable.

"Well, set the course. The time is now." He turned to Hux and nodded in salute. An impish smile cracked across his pale face and he nodded back pivoting on a heel and leaving to go ready the ship and the troops. Kylo looked again around him at the magnificence that was his new ship and closed his eyes. This was everything, everything he wanted. He refused to let emotions get in the way anymore. Rey had sealed her fate and the fate of the Resistance in her anger and dismissal. He would have his vengeance so completely, the Rebels wouldn't even see it coming. He opened his eyes again and focused sharply before him as he headed to gather Chrystalline smiling proudly to himself. Yes, yes...the time was now.

Chrystalline jumped hearing the door open behind her and Kylo returning so soon.

"Back so soon?" She stood, still in only the sleeping gown.

"Yes! The ship is all prepared, come! I have something waiting for you." She had never seen his eyes so bright, he reminded her of a child who'd just been gifted a new, shining toy. She took his hand, now feeling herself getting giddy, his excitement was absolutely contagious. As they entered the hall and walked towards the open gate Chrystalline could already see the immensity that was the mother ship they were about to step into. She had never seen anything like it, the room was gargantuan, climbing at least ten stories up, the main room lined with TIE fighters. "Isn't she spectacular." Kylo lifted her weightlessly into his arms and hopped out the door onto the flight deck, setting her down gently beside him. "Don't worry, no one can see us, I'll give you a proper tour when you're dressed for it." He smiled sweetly, reading her embarrassment.

"This...this is incredible! I'm not even quite sure what to say, it's a palace!" Chrystalline's hand came to her mouth as she craned her neck to take as much of the room as she could. She took a second to catch a glimpse of Kylo who was standing proudly, taking in the sight himself. She had almost forgotten in the time she'd had him to herself, vulnerable and sweet, alone in his chambers, this was who he was. A dark king in every sense of the word. She could see him now in her mind's eye, suited in armor and standing in front of his army, leading this tremendous ship and it's unending fleet of fighters into battle. No matter what side he was fighting for she could see now so plainly the determination and strength in his expression, it was a side of him she hadn't yet had the privilege to see, she had to admit it was astounding...he was astounding. "You must be so proud."

"I am, but I can't let it go to my head just yet, we've more to accomplish before I can say that I earned it." His face was stern but happy, not tearing his eyes from everything around them he placed his arm around her shoulders. "There's more." He lead them up the stairs of the flight deck to an elevator that descended them quickly to the bottom of the ship and let them out into a small hallway with two doors. With a wave of his hand he opened the first revealing and almost identical chamber to his previous one, it was stark and minimalist if not perhaps a good bit larger. In the middle it also had a hologram projector similar to the one in the pilot's room of the small ship. "This, obviously, is my room." He dropped her arm and moved towards a door on the opposite wall which Chrystalline assumed was a closet as it had been in his other room. "And this," the door slid open slowly. "Is yours."

Chrystalline's jaw dropped open as she stepped forward gingerly, an even more massive room awaiting through the doorway.

"My room?" Her voice squeaked. Kylo smiled even more proudly than he had on the flight deck.

"Yes, of course! You really didn't think I was just going to keep you holed up in my boring room the entire time did you? Come see, I had the droids working like crazy, it had to be just right." He held his hand out to guide her in.

Chrystalline felt almost weak. She had always had her own room, but it was nothing like this. The walls, which were easily fifteen feet high, were draped with rich red velvet curtains that were laid over with a silver filigree. Against the far wall was a black, carved, four poster bed that met at the top to be covered with a black mesh canopy. The blankets and pillows matched the drapes with burgundy velvet. Across from the bed was a tall black wardrobe, the wood had been laser cut into beautiful cascading ivy like designs. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kylo lift his hand and the wardrobe doors began to open. She heard a gasp escape her own mouth as it was revealed to be packed full of gowns of every length and color.

"Oh, Gods!" She whispered, her feet moving her forward towards the wardrobe as if compelled. She ran her hand gently through the array of fabrics and turned back to Kylo with tears in her eyes. "I... I don't know what to say! It's all so unbelievably beautiful Kylo. I... I'm not sure that I deserve all this." She cupped her hand over her mouth to muffle a grateful sob. She couldn't quite explain what was coming over her but suddenly she was overwhelmed. It was almost too much.

Kylo rushed to her side, roping her into his arms again. He knew he would elicit emotion, but he didn't think in a hundred years it would be quite like this. It stung his heart to hear such a kind spirit once again belittle herself enough to think she didn't deserve this. After everything she'd done for him and everything he'd had to watch her go through in the last few days it was the absolute least he could think to do.

"Chrystalline, how could you say that? You deserve all of this and more! This room and everything in it isn't nearly enough for me to show you how much I appreciate you. You are the purest heart I've ever met to be sure. Gods, please don't cry."

"I'm sorry, I can't help it. It's all so amazing and you're so good to me. I'm just not used to it." She pulled away slightly, gazing again at the room, ensuring herself it was indeed real. She quivered at the feeling of his finger beneath her chin, directing her head to look up at him.

"Chrystalline, no matter what happens between you and I... no matter what happens at all I need you to promise me you'll never allow yourself to be with or around someone who makes you feel like you deserve anything less than this ever again." She nodded and Kylo was struck still with the urge to kiss her in the way he hadn't earlier as he watched her bite her lower lip and stifle her tears. He resigned himself to caressing her cheek and smoothing some loose strands of hair behind her ear. "Now, brace yourself because we weren't quite done."

Chrystalline's eyes grew wide once again. How could there possibly be any more to this incredible room? Kylo perched on the edge of the bed behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her in so her back was flush against him. He rested his head on her shoulder and waved his hand with ease. Now with a flutter the curtains on the wall drew back, gathering themselves as they unveiled floor to ceiling pane-less windows that went across the entire wall. Lighting the entire room with an infinite starscape. This time both of Chrystalline's hands shot to her mouth, but she was too stunned to make words.

"Now you can see the stars whenever you want." Kylo said quietly against her ear holding her tighter to him and he felt her body tremble with excitement. "I hope you like it."

"Like it?!" Her words shot out with an alarming volume. She gasped at her outburst and giggled as she turned to face him. "How do I even begin to thank you? This is a gift that can never be matched. My heart is quite literally aching at how breathtaking it all is. Kylo... I adore it. And I love it even more because it is you that has given it to me." Her eyes were still brimming with tears, but she didn't care she couldn't hold them back.

Kylo wasn't sure his heart had ever been so full. Seeing how happy he could make someone was a shockingly unfamiliar feeling. Her gratitude was overflowing, he could read it on every inch of her face and as the urge surged within him again he let it overtake him. Pulling her in as closely as he could he wrapped one hand around lightly around the back of her neck and kissed her once lightly on the forehead before giving in and placing his lips over hers. She must have been expecting it because she kissed him back with a ferocity she hadn't yet shown him, tangling her hands in his hair. Kylo's hands traced down her back as she parted his lips with her tongue searching hungrily for his. Despite never having kissed a woman before the moves came all to naturally, he'd wondered what had taken him so long as the heat of their mouths entangling made him almost dizzy with pleasure. Now this was almost too much for him and he smiled as her lips still made for his, pulling back gently to look at her again. Her mouth now red from their passion. He ran his thumb across her bottom lip and she caught it with her teeth, drawing in slightly. He laughed and drew her in again for more, forgetting everything for just a moment and letting himself enjoy her wholeheartedly.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Chrystalline was the one to break the kiss this time, nuzzling into his chest she inhaled deeply the scent of him, not wanting the moment to end but also unsure as how to proceed with him from here.

Holding her tightly to him Kylo's mind was flooded with waves of her sincerity. It was perhaps the only time he'd read someone and their intentions were supremely pure and unclouded. The feeling of it left him speechless. For so long he had held humans in such low regard because before this nothing had surprised him when it was almost always revealed that they had a hidden agenda when seemingly acting in anyone's interests but their own, but not with Chrystalline. She was resoundingly grateful and her physicality was asking for nothing but to be closer to him in a way no one else had ever asked. He met her yearning with his own, feeling even more secure in the vulnerability he'd so easily shared with her since the very beginning. Although it was all happening so quickly he didn't care to monitor it anymore. Both of them deserved so much to feel cared for, who was he to stop it? He heard himself moan softly in protest as she pulled away to look at him again.

"That wasn't to distract you from something again was it?" Somehow she knew that wasn't the case. It certainly wasn't for her, but she still wanted to hear him speak the words. To hear him tell her of how much he wanted her...needed her.

"No," He scanned her face, now it was him who didn't feel he deserved. He didn't deserve the way she looked at him, no one did. He didn't deserve the way she cared of nothing else but the way he treated her. The way she had so decisively made up her mind to stand with him. All his thoughts of the Gods and their assigned soulmates were shifting before him. Yes, Rey and he shared the force and there was nothing that could compare to that, but who said it had to compare? Why could there not be something wholly different but just as perfectly fitting? In this moment he felt it possible to admit there could be something else, someone else. If he was being honest with himself this had the potential to be something even greater, it was already stronger in that Chrystalline had no intention to kill him given the chance. "No, this is nothing like that. Chrystalline, I'm not even sure what this is, but I know I don't want it to stop." He touched his forehead to hers allowing a contented smiled to gleam across his face. "Grateful doesn't begin to describe how I feel for having met you."

Chrystalline had never felt so assured of someone's honesty. Even in her closest moments with Abel she felt his masculinity somehow interfered. It came off as arrogance in the way that when she voiced her passions for him he would nod almost smugly as if there was surely no other way she could feel for him and would give her nothing in return but his body. With Kylo it was uncharted territory the way he verbalized his affection. She didn't have to insert the words she needed to hear he just said them. She felt wrong for thinking it but she was beginning to to believe Abel wasn't the man she was meant to be with all along, but rather he was the first taste of what love could possibly be and that running off and marrying him was a quick escape from the uncaring family life she knew. This connection with Kylo was filling a void that Chrystalline had long since believed couldn't possibly be filled.

Kylo couldn't help himself and he could tell she didn't mind, he was reading all of it, diving inside her head, silently reveling in the fact that he could be the first man to make her feel this way but also aching at the knowledge of it. Someone like him could take the constant rejection, the dismissal, the unbridled loneliness especially after everything he'd done, but how could the Gods allow someone who didn't ask for any of it, who never sought to revenge it continue to feel so trodden upon? She had been allowing herself to settle for the very semblance of love just to ease her suffering and even in that had been brought more torment. He brought both hands to her temples, wanting to pull the thoughts from her head and letting her be as immersed in him as he was permitting himself to be with her. He decided right then in that room he'd made for her, with her body flush against his that if there was anything worth fighting for beside his already fated legacy within the galaxy that it was for the affection of a woman so true as this.

Chrystalline inhaled sharply from the small space between their faces, loosening her grip from around him she broke away. All of what was happening although miraculous was wondrously intimidating, she felt the need to catch her breath. She smiled and brought her arms around herself as she turned back to the windows, at the ongoing view she could already foresee she would never tire of.

He watched her move soundlessly, equally gripped with emotion. He knew in moments he would have to part from her to meet with Hux and his men to finalize plans for the advancement on Corellia. Why couldn't it be that they at least have a day to be with one another to fully enjoy and come to terms with this new understanding of what they meant to one another?

"Chrystalline, I have to-"

"Go, yes, I know you do. It's alright." She looked back at him, her skin still flush from their interaction.

"I'll send the droids so you can freshen up. There will be one more small surprise, I promise it's nothing quite so grand as the room." He straightened and stepped towards her again, planting a parting kiss on her forehead. "And I also want to assure you that as soon as this siege is over you will be free to roam the ship as you please when I'm busy with training. I feel awful that you've been cooped up for so long."

"It's alright, I've just been grateful to be safe and taken care of through everything that's taken place the last two weeks."

Kylo walked to the door and turned back one more time. "I'll be working quite late tonight sweet girl, we have a lot to accomplish in the next twenty four hours, don't wait up for me." He gave her one last smile and disappeared into the hallway. His head was swimming in the new reality laid before him. In the beauty that was Chrystalline and her affection for him, in the grandiose new warship that would lead the First Order into battle to finally conquer the first order, in the entirely new future of possibilities he could now see for himself. His eyes glazed over as he walked to the command room, he was so distracted he barely noticed _her_ in front of him, he plowed forward nearly knocking her over. Her very presence brought the rage he was so close to forgetting boiling into his vision.

"What do you want now?!" He seethed, clutching his fists he wanted to grab her and shake her. Had she not put him though enough?! He scanned her face picking up on the obvious pain written all over it and for once he didn't feel it immediately necessary to run to her side and console her. Any pain she was in now that had to do with him had been brought upon herself.

"You... you feel very strongly for this woman. I could perceive the change in you through the force alone. She's far from no one to you... What changed so quickly?" Rey's eyebrows furrowed with confusion. He was nearly tempted to laugh at her accusations. What did any of it matter to her now? She had so quickly taken up intimately with Dameron, siting their alliances as reason enough to be together. Gods she'd barely known him more than a few weeks longer than Kylo had known Chrystalline and if Kylo's affections for Chrystalline were palpable enough for Rey to intuit through the Force than it was clear to him that she gave herself to Dameron without half of that emotion. In that realization he pitied her as much as he was disgusted by it.

"Yes, I do. Quite a different sensation than the imperceptible desire you feel for Dameron isn't it?" He spat, the venom of his words causing her to visibly recoil. "In Chrystalline I've realized the possibility of being cherished for who I am, not who she would prefer me to be. There are no conditions to her feelings for me" He wanted to push past her. If she was still with the rest of the resistance than this conversation would amount in nothing anyways. She would be... dead, just as he'd promised soon enough. Kylo couldn't ignore the ice that ran up his spine at the thought of it. The end of the Resistance was exactly what he wanted, but his contempt for her had not reached a level that allowed him to so easily eliminate her. He'd had so many chances before this that he had refused to seize in hopes she'd decide correctly and stand beside him... No. He shook his head. She had made it known time and time again that the light was the side she had chosen.

"She can't possibly be aware of all the suffering you've caused and still feel anything but abhorrence. She's just a spoiled congressman's daughter who's evidently been kept under a rock to not know the extent of your destruction." Rey was inches from his face now putting on a show with the ferocity of her words.

"Well Rey, that's just silly. Of course she's aware. She was a prisoner of the First Order until she was brought to me."

"Then what a pathetic being to accept love from such a monster and turn a blind eye to the mayhem he's unleashed and continues to perpetuate throughout the galaxy."

"She knows just as I do that this will all be over soon. The bloodshed is coming to a close Rey, is that not what I've tried to get you to understand?"

"Yes, just my blood will be the last of it..."

"You've given me no choice!" This going in circles was getting them nowhere, he bowed his head and brushed past her hoping she would take the hint and fade once again. "Go back to your Captain." He said through gritted teeth without turning back to her.

"You're lying to yourself that there's no Light within you Ben. If the Darkness had so fully consumed you, you couldn't even feel this way for someone. You know that."

"Then I will love her with all the Light there is left." As the word escaped his mouth it hung above him in the air. 'Love' was this an emotion he was even capable of at this point? Could the monster that had callously killed so many, who had even killed his father muster the intentions it took to love another being? Surely he could, the chaos of sentiments Chrystalline had brought forth within him had to contain something like love at the very least.

Rey wanted to scream. How could he give of himself like this to anyone but her? Was it not obvious through their force connection that if there was to remain Light inside of him that is was meant for her and her alone? She felt his betrayal in this way was incomparable to what she had done to him by choosing Dameron. She had been the one to stoke this fire and bring his Light to the surface again and now it was being awarded to a stranger, how could the Gods let it happen this way?

"That Light is for me Ben and you know that!"

Kylo spun back to her marching so close to her their foreheads were almost touching. With the Force he grabbed her collar, lifting her off the ground.

"You forfeited any right to claim me or whatever Light is left within me as yours the moment you reached for that saber! I spared you, time and time again and still you made to end me. You're behaving like a jealous school girl, it's unbecoming to say the least. You've made your choice and now I have mine, now be gone!" With that he dropped her, she fell heavy onto the floor and looked away in scorn. Kylo couldn't believe her audacity to claim his Light. Had she really grown so arrogant that she believed she could thrash his heart just days ago and then come back for it as if she'd done no wrong? If only she realized she had just made it that much easier for him to complete what he had planned and wipe out her and the rest of the Rebels once and for all. He turned again, not caring if she faded or not, but feeling as she grew smaller in the distance behind him as she did.

Kylo was verging on thankful for the fury Rey had reignited in him as he stormed into the command room. Hux and the other men stood to attention, beaming with excitement to finally get down to business.

"Sit men! Let's not waste any more time. I want Resistance to be nothing more than history by night fall tomorrow, how does that sound?!" They applauded as they took their seats, renewed in their confidence in the Supreme Leader and his guidance towards their end goal.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Sorry for such a long time between chapters! I've been on vacation, but am so ready to dive back in. I am so appreciative of all the support for my story so far and every review is a huge boost so thank you all! I really hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope to give you another one by the end of the weekend!**

Chapter 13

Chrystalline wandered dreamily around her room after Kylo left, the sensation of his soft lips on hers still lingering. She was already desperate to feel it again, to taste him, to feel so desired in his embrace. She would have never imagined a man like him who made armies tremble before him could touch her so tenderly. As she traced her hand along the intricate carvings of the wardrobe she was shaken out of her day dream by a sharp rap on the door.

"Uh... yes?!" She called an obvious wavering in her voice as all she'd been expecting was the usual army of droids to help her get read.

"We have a delivery requested by the Supreme Leader!" Said the curt and mechanical voice of a storm trooper.

This was surely the "surprise" Kylo had mentioned, Chrystalline couldn't even think what could exceed the greatness of everything he'd already gifted her.

"Oh! Yes, send it in." Chrystalline felt completely out of place giving commands to anyone let alone troopers. With her go ahead the doors slid open revealing to her both Hiba and Galadria, the two girls she'd been held captive with as a comfort maid quaking between the two soldiers. Both their faces quickly morphed from terror to joy as they saw Chrystalline in front of them.

"Oh Gods!" Chrystalline shrieked excitedly and the girls all rushed to each other, hugging one another close in the reuniting. The storm troopers audibly scoffed as the door closed behind them. "I can't believe it! It's so good to see you!"

"Good to see us?!" Exclaimed Hiba "We were positive you were dead! Being taken by the Supreme Leader never to be seen by any of us again?! Where have you been?" Her eyes grew large as she pulled away from their embrace and seemed to register their surroundings. "Living well it seems." She smirked.

"Oh, yes... I have so much to tell you. It doesn't even seem like it's real! Gods, I'm just so thankful to see you both and that you're both okay." She could feel tears brimming in her eyes, Kylo had once again outdone himself in making her feel... loved.

"Believe it or not the night after you were selected by the Supreme Leader we were set free to be normal workers among the ship. The entire comfort maid program has been done away with." Galadria spoke matter of factly, gesturing to their much more conservative outfits.

Chrystalline played dumb despite knowing Kylo had done this for them.

"So the Supreme Leader, he keeps you here as his... concubine?" Hiba wasted no time, her eyebrow raising and the words causing a blush to race across Chrystalline's cheeks.

"No, no it's nothing like that actually. He never made or asked me to do anything like that, he still hasn't." She couldn't help but giggle as both the girl's eyebrows knitted in disbelief. "I really don't even know how to explain to you what he's become to me, I know you won't believe me when I tell you he's a truly gentle, caring person underneath all that armor and ferocity." She took their hands and led them to the bed to make themselves more comfortable as she settled in to answer all the questions she knew were coming. Before she could begin like clockwork the door slid open again and the expected army of droids poured in with her bath and enough food for all of them. The girls sat stunned watching in amazement as they set out a spread and readied her bath for her to take at her leisure.

"Well, you're... you're like a princess Chrystalline." Galadria said sweetly following the droids with her eyes as they exited. "He does all this for you? What happened to your sweet Abel?"

"I suppose that's a good place to begin." Chrystalline bit her lip in remembrance of the horrific, holographic scene in which she watched Abel be slaughtered. "Only a few days after I'd been selected to stay with the Supreme Leader I found out Abel had been killed. Kylo thought he was being kind to show me where my fiance was and I was so eager I couldn't look away when we both found out his ship had been captured and he had been executed." Both the girls gasped in unison. Chrystalline nodded at their disbelief and continued. "I was heartbroken, nearly inconsolable, but he... he was so kind to me."

"And you... you've done nothing for him? He hasn't asked anything of you and yet he's awarded you all of this?" Hiba pointed at the grandiosity of the room around them. Chrystalline couldn't bring herself to tell them of how she'd held him when all he wanted was to be held. She knew his vulnerability was to be respected and she didn't really care what the girls thought she had or hadn't done to deserve the treatment Kylo had bestowed upon her. She was content in the secret they would always share.

"Well, he's spent so much time alone in his life I think he's just been thankful for a companion who won't turn on him and to be honest I think he simply enjoys having someone to look after in a way." She also wouldn't allow herself to go into how he'd rushed her to the medbay and bandaged her wounds after she'd scarred herself for the second time in his quarters.

"And you're not afraid of him at all? Do you not realize this is a man who's ordered the extinguishing of entire planets of people? You really don't think he could turn on you at any time?" Hiba's questions just kept coming and while she understood them Chrystalline couldn't help but feel mildly offended by the sharpness of her words.

"No, I'm not afraid of him. I wasn't afraid the day I was unveiled to him with both of you beside me and I'm not afraid now. Yes, I know what he's done in his quest to conquer the galaxy with the First Order and I feel assured in the knowledge that as soon as the Resistance is no more that the bloodshed will end. He has no more potential to turn on me than any other man." Chrystalline stated her words calmly feeling even more confident in her belief after saying it out loud and then changed her tone with a smile. "Let's eat."

The girls gathered around the table of food that had been laid out for them and Chrystalline busied herself pouring them all a glass of crav, secretly hoping a little libation would end the inquisition. They filled their plates excitedly and took their glasses.

"A toast!" Chrystalline raised her glass nodding at both of them. "To my sisters, it's so grand to be reunited." With that they clinked their glasses and drank.

Kylo exited the command room exhausted, but confident in their plan. They would be attacking at dawn which at this point was only hours away. Hux had worked them late into the night hashing out every detail down to every footstep of every individual trooper. Kylo had no doubt in his mind anymore, this was it. The Resistance was bested. He undid his cape as the door to his quarters slid open before him. As much as he wanted to crash onto his new bed and let sleep take him immediately he felt compelled to check on Chrystalline for just a moment before he called it a night. This was the first time they'd be sleeping apart since he'd met her, if only as not to disturb her as he would rise early again. He removed his tunic and tossed it aside as he made for the door that adjoined their separate quarters. It slid open silently and the light coming from his room draped across her sleeping form, huddled in the covers of her bed.

He walked in silently, holding his breath as not to wake her. Seeing her face peek out slightly from a mess of blonde hair he was reminded of his conversation with Rey that morning and his surprising declaration of love. As he stared at her, stepping even closer without thinking he knew it was true. He inhaled sharply as the now familiar warmth grew in chest. This is what it felt like. The need to be close to someone, to know they're alright. The compulsion to feel their flesh on yours... this was love. He was so caught up in his thoughts of her he didn't hear her stir.

"Kylo..." She squeaked sleepily, moving the hair from her eyes and bringing the covers down slightly.

"Oh, Chrystalline, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you, it's so late, I was just checking on you." He kneeled beside her bed, grasping her hand with both of his to still her.

"You're not going to sleep with me?" She could still barely open her eyes to the light from the doorway but she brought his hands to her lips, planting a gentle kiss on the one closest to her.

"I just have to be up again in only a few hours, I didn't want to disturb you again." He smoothed her hair with his free hand knowing he was fooling himself if he thought he'd be able to go sleep alone after hearing her sweet voice.

"No, it's alright, I don't mind, come." She at his hand and moved to make room for him. "Just for a bit." Chrystalline was almost fully alert now, her body stoked again with the electricity she'd felt between them earlier that day first when his hands and lips had ravished over her and then again when they'd finally shared their kisses. She knew he would need some rest, but first she had to indulge herself in the feeling of his lips on hers once more. As he made to climb in the bed beside her she gave another yank, surprising him and placing him above her. He let out a low chuckle in surprise and steadied himself, his knees on either side of her legs and his forearms supporting his weight above her. Her eyes wide now she met his and they both allowed contented smiles to creep across their lips. Chrystalline reveled in the warmth of his bare skinned chest against her. It had been so long since she'd enjoyed the weight of a man on top of her and never a man so substantial as this. She took in what she could of his muscled chest and shoulders, running her hands along his sides and letting one come up to his cheek. Kylo met her hand with a kiss and pressed his forehead to hers, their lips just centimeters apart he still felt a need to almost ask permission to meet them again. Their breaths came heavier and ragged between them as they were frozen in the moment.

"Thank you." Chrystalline whispered into his lips, still caressing every inch of him she could.

"For what?" Kylo pulled away just enough to look into her eyes. He stroked her jawline with his thumb as his hand cradled her head.

"For sending my friends to me today. It truly was a surprise!"

"I've felt so bad leaving you alone everyday while I attend to business. I'll send them in everyday, whenever you like. Anything you wish... my love." The word spilled out of his mouth as easily as they had in the hall that day, but this time it felt even better as he watched her reaction. Chrystalline bit her lip, unsure what to say back, she couldn't think of any better thanks than to grasp at him even harder than before and meet his lips hungrily with hers as to hide the tears that were once again giving way. She couldn't explain to him how amazing he had made her feel in speaking that word, but she knew she could show him.

Kylo kissed back gently at first, he was scared to put his weight on top of her body which he dwarfed with his, despite how obvious she was making it that she wanted him to as she pulled at him from all sides. With one final tug he let her have him, wrapping her up in his arms as he came down to meet her. Her hands tangled roughly in his hair as they devoured one another, each kiss coming harder than the last. They were so caught up in each other it must have been minutes before Kylo realized _she_ was there. He refused to let himself pull away from Chrystalline and give Rey the satisfaction of disrupting them. He kissed her even more intensely as if to make a point, hoping she would take the hint and drop their connection there, but no Rey drew even closer. Kylo opened his eyes, his lips still joined with Chrystalline's and saw her in the corner of the room, visibly seething. He finally pulled his lips from Chrystalline's to take a breath and a certain smugness overtook him as he met Rey's eyes and smirked before moving his lips to Chrystalline's neck, causing her to gasp. He grew hot as her body writhed excitedly beneath him and Rey's body language grew even more hateful.

In this moment Kylo finally felt free of the pull Rey had had on him for so long. Just a week ago he had denied any sort of feeling towards Chrystalline and now he couldn't even be bothered to unlock his arms from her as Rey watched angrily from the darkness. He owed her nothing and he was glad to finally be making it so clear. The woman beneath him had damn near pledged herself to him, she had been there without question when he so badly needed it and he knew without knowing that she was deserving of whatever love he was capable of. In just thinking of her devotion Kylo stopped even caring Rey was there and brought his lips to Chrystalline's again, taking her face in both his hands he let himself be overwhelmed in her, reading the strength of her emotion for him as their tongues entwined. The next time he came up for air Rey was gone and there were tears streaming down his cheeks as well as Chrystalline's.

"I've... I've never felt something like this." Chrystalline breathed, smiling with the tears.

"Neither have I, you're everything Chrystalline. You're absolutely everything." They stared into each other's eyes, both trembling from the intensity of feeling between them. Kylo wiped the tears from her cheeks with a finger and rolled to her side, bringing her into the crook of his arm and holding her there as they both stilled their breaths. Kylo would have never thought in a thousand years that any emotion could eradicate the lifetime of pain he had endured, but whatever was happening in this moment between them made it all insignificant. He could now see so plainly why people held lovers so highly. Why so many books and legends had been written around love and what it meant to be loved. What he was feeling right now couldn't possibly be topped by anything, not even fulfilling his destiny, which even now was so close at hand. He found himself almost angry he would have to leave her again even if it was to do just what he had been destined to do. He planted a kiss on the top of her head at the thought and closed his eyes knowing full well he wouldn't be able to sleep at all with this much newness and excitement buzzing between them.

He calmed himself at the realization that in just hours the Resistance would be no more and he would have the galaxy and most importantly everything, his Chrystalline, by his side.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Kylo awoke as gently as he could, trying his best not to rouse Chrystalline as he removed himself from being curled around her. If he was being honest with himself he'd barely slept at all due to the anticipation of what would be today's events. He wasn't even anxious for the attack itself, but rather just to be done with it and to finally prove to any doubters that in fact he could. Despite what anyone thought of him, he too had grown tired of the constant pursuit, he was ready to rest. Especially now that he had someone he could be content resting with.

Kylo dressed quickly, finishing with his gloves and cape and pushing his hair back from his face. He then walked quietly to the side of Chrystalline's bed and gathered her in his arms to take her to his chamber, although hers was beautiful and intended for her his was more secure. He wasn't too worried that the ship would sustain any injury or that the Resistance would fight back at all, this was a surprise attack and by his in tel their numbers hadn't made any substantial gains since fleeing Crait. Still, Kylo wasn't going to risk it. As he laid her in his bed and pulled the covers over her she let out a small moan, her eyes opening with difficulty in the dark.

"Kylo... please, be careful." She pleaded groggily, her eyes opening more as she realized what she was saying. She'd never seen a man off to battle, but she did know the last time she saw someone off anywhere was the last of them.

"You have nothing to be afraid of, the attack will be over before it even begins. I just need you to stay in here, I don't expect anything to happen, but I'm securing the doors. Don't open them for anything or anyone until you hear my voice, alright?" He stroked her hair as he took in a last look at her. This would be the final time he laid eyes on her before he finally accomplished everything he had wanted, everything Vader had wanted. The galaxy would be without question the domain of the First Order and it's Supreme Leader and now Chrystalline would stand with him. The very thought of which filled his chest with a surge of adrenaline. Surely she could feel his readiness for action buzzing on the surface of his skin as he caressed her.

She nodded diligently and reached out to coax his face towards hers. Kylo bent to meet her lips but before he could she turned to whisper to him, her directions hot against his skin as she breathed the words,

"Crush them."

Kylo jolted back from her stunned but also undeniably aroused by the power of her delivery. The look she gave him as he pulled back to meet her eyes was just as intent. Kylo couldn't think of what to say so in place of words he grasped her chin roughly with his hand and kissed her as forcefully as he would allow himself before regaining his composure, giving her a knowing nod and turning swiftly through the door now even more impassioned for what he and the First Order were about to do.

He made his way first to the flight deck where the fighters were being readied and the troopers were assembled, standing at attention, awaiting battle. Hux and the other higher commanders were awaiting him at the top of the bridge. Hux seemed to almost skip with excitement as he approached.

"This is it Sir! We have our guns ready, the fighters are primed and the men are simply waiting for a few words of encouragement before we take aim at Corellia. We are cloaked and coming into orbit as we speak."

"Well, that's just what I wanted to hear. Would you mind if I said a few words to the men? I know it's normally your territory, but uh what can I say?" Chrystalline's command was echoing through his head. "I'm just feeling inspired today." Hux's eyes widened, he'd never seen Kylo like this. Normally he brooded in the shadows while Hux made his call to arms, admittedly he was a bit miffed to give up his small moment of glory, but this wasn't the time to bicker.

"Well, y-yes... of course." He stammered, gesturing for Kylo to step up in front of the troops.

Kylo knitted his brows and stepped forward to the few thousand men standing before him. He scanned the enormity of the scene. The sight of his gargantuan ship, impeccable guns and incomparable army filling him with pride. There was an obvious astonishment amongst the men seeing him take center stage instead of Hux and he was reveling in it.

"MEN! The time is here! We have what is left of the shriveling resistance right where we want them! At the ends of our guns!" He bellowed, gaining momentum with every word. "This will be an easy fight, but it doesn't mean I don't expect the most from each and every one of you! They think they can hide, but you all know better! SHOW THEM NO MERCY!"

The troopers screamed back holding their guns in the air, unfazed as the ship landed on Corellia, causing the very ground beneath it to tremble from it's size. The doors began to open and the troopers turned to exit in formation.

"SPARE NO ONE!" Kylo called behind them as they rushed the urban area of Corellia.

"Turn the guns on anything that moves." Kylo said now looking at Hux as the ship's guns now began blasting indiscriminately on the buildings of the city.

As quickly as they'd landed the landscape of township had become an Armageddon. Houses burning, women shrieking and children crying as the troopers marched deeper into the city. Kylo couldn't help but notice the hypocrisy in the self proclaimed all good Resistance as they hid for cover alongside civilians, resigning the innocents to such a horrific fate. Kylo never liked committing such genocides, but the rebels gave him no choice when they chose to camouflage themselves so stupidly. He certainly wasn't going to jeopardize his reputation with the troopers and go easily.

Kylo and Hux made for the command room, for better views of the top of the city. As they watched every building successively crumble before the ship's guns Kylo steadied himself to see if he could feel her. Every time before this when he had known of Rey's presence he'd made sure to spare her. She probably wouldn't even believe him if he told her this, but even in the woods on Starkiller Base before he was fully aware of her potential he wasn't going to do away with her just yet, but now... it was different. He couldn't be bothered to care anymore. He should have stopped caring as soon as she'd branded him with the horrific scar across his face, but now as the ever perfect Rey had made it so clear she should mean no more to him than he did to her, he felt no remorse. As it became clear that the troopers were encroaching on the Millennium Falcon he didn't hesitate, but rather smirked as he watched it try to take off before being struck multiple times by the ship's guns.

Kylo suddenly became aware of the headache that was coming on right between his eyes. The harder he searched for Rey the worse it came. This must be how it ends, he thought as he watched the Millennium Falcon turn to ash along with the rest of the city. Surely it was going to hit him later with greater satisfaction than he was feeling now wasn't it?

"That's it Sir! They're reporting back there are no survivors! We'll keep troops on the ground a bit longer, but I think we've finally done it!" Hux was vibrating in a frenzied elation. Kylo didn't want to spoil it or give weight to the thought just yet, but something told him Rey, at the very least, got away. He couldn't explain why, but when Luke's light had gone out he had known, from across the galaxy he had known, this... this was different. He couldn't bring himself to say anything. This would be a problem for sure. Rey wouldn't stop in her mission just because her comrades had perished. It would take her years to regain any steam, but Kylo knew the last jedi would not be stopped. Nonetheless, Kylo felt himself force a smile at Hux.

"Good job, General." Kylo couldn't think of a reason not to let him have his moment. From everything everyone else could see, the Resistance was dead. The First Order could take it's rightful place as ruler of the galaxy. There would be no more need for atrocities like today and they could start work finding some choice planets and erecting an empire to reside within. Kylo knew he wasn't the only one who was growing weary of battles, as bloodthirsty as Hux seemed it was clear even he was gleeful at the thought of just being for awhile. Living like normal for the first time in what seemed like forever. And as much as he'd hated Hux in the past, Kylo couldn't take that vision away from him, not now. He also however couldn't feign the level of enthusiasm Hux was currently exuding so he started gathering himself to leave and make his way back to the flight deck to watch as the fighters and troopers returned.

"Is this not cause for celebration Supreme Leader?! Your men have fulfilled their duty in helping the vision of First Order become reality!"

"Yes, yes you're right. What do you propose?" Kylo was using all his might not roll his eyes.

"Why not a party tonight? The troopers can be without their helmets and everyone else can wear their finest uniforms." Kylo was immediately reminded of why he had so despised Hux before. His giddiness was making Kylo sick to his stomach, but he knew if he wanted to allow the charade to continue he'd have to go along with it. He had in that moment resigned himself to the fact that if Rey were to return it wouldn't be for a long while and it would only be for him. He could live with this and let them have their fun.

"Then it's settled, forgive my lack of enthusiasm Hux, I'm just tired. Thank you for all your hard work, really." He placed a hand on Hux's shoulder in appreciation and moved towards the door again.

As he made his way to the bridge he watched the troopers return and the shuttle doors close behind them on the scene, the sun hadn't even yet to rise, but the town and surrounding forestry was completely leveled. Kylo could feel the heat on his face until the doors were fully secured. The celebration had already seemingly commenced, the men were hooping and hollering and the other workers on the ship had all gathered to join in. He cleared his throat loudly, causing an echo and they at once came back to attention.

"You've done me proud men! The Resistance as we know it is no more! It is finally our time to be given the respect we deserve! Thank you all for your dedication and your fearlessness. General Hux and I invite you tonight to celebrate our victory, I do hope you'll join us." The cheering commenced and Kylo felt Hux standing beside him, he figured he had hogged the floor long enough and gestured for Hux to take the stage as he was obviously so yearning to do. Hux took the floor eagerly and launched into an ecstatic spiel of thanks. Kylo couldn't be bothered to pay attention and as he clapped slipped back into the shadows ready to return to his chambers. To Chrystalline.

He wasn't exaggerating when he said he was tired and the very thought of meeting Rey in the near or distant future exhausted him wholeheartedly. What a hollow victory, he thought. He had succeeded in almost everything, but she made it all null and void. As angry as he wanted to be right now he couldn't muster the energy for it, for once his usual tantrum filled raged seemed pointless. He finally found himself at his chamber door and remembered the orders he'd given Chrystalline.

"Chystalline, it's me. It's all over my love. You can open the door." And how he couldn't figure it out but just saying her name aloud melted everything else away. He could hear her footsteps as she hurried to let him in the door. It slid open slowly revealing her in a tight sleeveless dressing gown. Her hair hung loosely, still wild and curly as it had been when he'd watched her dress her wounds. Her face was bright and smiling. Without words Kylo closed the space between them and wrapped his arms around her waist. Pressing his forehead to hers he let out a sigh.

"What happened?" She brushed his hair behind his ears before placing her hands softly on his neck.

"We conquered the Resistance." He said solemnly, he felt her confusion as she drew back from him. "But, Rey... Rey got away."

"What does that mean for the First Order?"

"Nothing, at least right now I don't think. The First Order is celebrating, but it's not over... for me it's not over. She'll be back."

Chrystalline wasn't sure what to say. It didn't feel at all her place to comment. All she could manage to convey was that she wouldn't be going anywhere.

"Well, then we'll deal with it when the time comes. Whenever that may be." She looked up at him sincerely, giving a small smile, hoping to draw one from him too. She couldn't fully understand how one survivor of the Resistance seemed to mean to Kylo a complete loss, but she wasn't going to question.

Kylo brought her in close, despite his inability to shake the defeated look plastered over his face he was inexplicably grateful for Chrystalline and how she seemed to always know just what to say. No matter how tired he felt now he knew if she was with him he'd manage the strength to finish what needed to end between he and Rey whenever she would undoubtedly be back. He just wanted to lay down with her and sleep the day, Gods, the week away, but he knew he'd have to be back soon to save face for the celebration. Chrystalline could feel his restlessness in the tiny twitches his muscles gave when he held her, she turned him and walked him towards the bed, removing his cape as they did so.

"Let me take care of you as you've done so much for me."

"I have to get ready for this blasted party. So do you." He huffed.

"I know, but every good party goer knows it's alright to show up fashionably late." She smirked, lightly pushing him on the bed. "And you're the Supreme Leader, you can show up whenever you want."

Kylo gave the first genuine smile he'd given all day while she helped him remove his tunic.

"What are you doing?" He chuckled as she typed into the command pad. He was enjoying this spunky side of her, her tone instantly reminding of him of how she'd almost growled at him this morning. He bit his lip watching her body sway as she did...whatever it was she was doing.

"Never you mind, rest for a bit, I have it all taken care of." She turned, her hands behind her mischievously as she stepped towards him. A coy smile across her lips.

"What did I do to deserve you, love?" He closed his eyes as he laid back, his body suddenly weighing double with exhaustion.

"Everything, Kylo. Everything." She cooed.


	15. Chapter 15

**Had way too much fun with this chapter, a little on the shorter side but i wanted to break it up a bit. ALLLLL the fluffs.**

Chapter 15

Chystalline rushed back to Kylo's side at the bed while she waited for the door to reveal what she'd sent up for him. She wasn't fully able to grasp the extent of his feelings. She had imagined that ending the Resistance would have had him overjoyed, even if he Rey had escaped, but seeing him now looking even more defeated than he had the night they'd met she was determined to revive him, even just a little. Admittedly, she had a sense that he was realizing that bringing an end to the rebels and their cause wasn't the cure to his suffering he'd been hoping it would be as she gazed over him quietly, his face and body still twitching with tension.

The door slid open and an army of droids spilled in with all their usual supplies. A plethora of food and drink for them both and a large tub followed by buckets of steaming water to fill it. Kylo watched groggily as they prepared a bath.

"Is that for me?"

"Indeed it is, I'll give you a moment of privacy while you settle yourself and make us some plates." She placed a finger over his lips as he inevitably opened them to protest. "Tonight you have to do as someone else says for once." She smirked. "Just enjoy it."

Kylo smiled weakly, every experience with Chrystalline was truly groundbreaking territory, it was a little uncomfortable but in a pleasant way he couldn't really put a finger on. Certainly no one had ordered him around in such a way before and even more so no one had made to care for him so tenderly. He had thought nothing of it when he did the same for her, but having it done for him made his heart ache with fullness. He watched her as she busied herself pouring them goblets of crav and putting together plates of food, giving him a moment to remove his pants and step into the tub and sink his legs and lower torso beneath the bubbles. When she was sure he was settled in the bath she turned and pulled the desk chair up beside him, making herself comfortable she handed him one of the brimming goblets.

"A celebration before the celebration." She winked and clinked her glass with his. "Go on, have a sip, we both know you need it."

Kylo couldn't help but chuckle at her sweetness. He sipped his glass slowly, unblinking in his gaze as he admired her. Despite all the disappointment he felt in Rey's escape from the attack on Corellia today watching Chrystalline take so much joy in just being with him forced the sudden realization upon him of what would truly matter from this point on. Sure, Rey would come back to avenge the Resistance and try to end him at some point, just as she'd tried before, but none of that would mean anything until it happened. In the eyes of the First Order the Rebels were no more, there would be no more need for bloodshed, for tearing through the galaxy causing nothing but destruction in their wake. Kylo knew now he could go along with this, especially if it meant he could live peacefully for a moment with Chrystalline at his side. Kylo could feel the intensity of how she felt for him emanating through every glance, every touch... She made it so incredibly easy to envision an entirely new future, one not made on someone's eventual surrender to the other, but the opposite.

"Sit back..." She whispered, scooting her chair behind him. She took a long sip from her own glass and set it beside her on the desk, picking up the last pitcher of water and gently cupping the back of his head with her hand, laying him back a bit more. She poured some over the crown of his head, wetting his hair for him and then grabbing a bit of soap she began to massage his scalp, causing him to let out what could only be described as a purr.

This level of intimacy wasn't one Kylo could have ever deemed possible. He had been good to Chrystalline, in caring for her in the medbay, in making sure her room was perfectly adorned, but this? Gods, this had to be love personified. Kylo couldn't move, he was paralyzed by the affection of her touch as her hands washed the last bits of soap from his hair and she began lightly scrubbing his shoulders and chest, softly humming as she worked. She had brought herself around to face him as she cleaned his arms, the look on her face relaxed but intent, when she caught him staring her lips cracked into a smile.

"Why are you doing this?" The question spilled out of him in disbelief. Chrystalline stopped scrubbing and a look of contemplation set upon her face.

"Because you've had a very stressful few days, but also because," Her eyes dropped to her lap for just a moment and Kylo held his breath watching a blush rise across her cheeks as she managed the words "because...I- I love you."

Until that very moment Kylo had never realized how badly he had wanted, no, needed to hear that phrase. He had spent so long denying human affection was at all necessary. Snoke had ingrained it within him that powerful beings of the Dark side had no use for lowly base desires, but as soon as the words fell from her lips he knew how wrong Snoke was. Again he was overwhelmed just as he had been the night before with Chrystalline wrapped in his arms. The urge struck him all at once to pull her into the tub with him just to feel her close, instead he grasped her hand and sat up to face her straight on. Before he could open his lips to speak he felt her inviting him into her head, she was more than willing to make him see how much she meant what she said.

Their eyes stayed locked and Kylo brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear before returning the realization.

"I love you too." The words felt strange as they formed and fell from his mouth, but as soon as they'd been uttered he knew they were true. Chrystalline let forth a small sigh of relief at his response and for a moment they both sat frozen as if unsure of what to do or say next. She made to break the uncertainty and leaned forward, placing her lips on his tenderly. Although she couldn't read his thoughts she knew saying such things were foreign to him, she hoped he could sense how much it meant to her to hear him speak them.

Kylo wished they didn't have this celebration to run off to, he wanted so badly just to lie and bask in the glow of her and this new emotion all evening, but he had to admit a small part of him was looking forward to walking onto the flight deck with her by his side. He could only imagine to look on so many people's faces when the dreaded Supreme Leader stepped out with a sweet faced woman as beautiful as Chrystalline on his arm. The thought of it caused a chuckle to come forth from him, breaking their kiss.

"What?" Chrystalline smiled as well, the joy in the room was infectious. She went back to washing him lightly.

"It's nothing, I guess I'm just a bit excited to show you off tonight. To show everyone how lucky the Gods have made me today."

"Oh, now it is the Gods that have brought us together?" Chrystalline smirked and raised and eyebrow in jest. Remembering smugly now his original belief in the Gods' assignment for him.

"Oh, yes sweet girl. Something so grand as this has to be divine." He grabbed his glass and raised it again. "To us." He proclaimed, clinking it with hers and laughing as they both took large, overjoyed swigs. "You've done more than enough my love. Go pick a dress and get ready yourself, I can take it from here." He patted her hand and nodded towards her room. Chrystalline's eyes lit up with excitement, after a few weeks of not seeing many people at all she was thrilled at the chance to get dressed up and finally mingle a bit. She finished what was left of her crav, kissed Kylo quickly on the cheek and rushed off to her room, turning to give one more playful glance before letting the door slide shut behind her.

Kylo finished washing himself, unable to decipher if the lightness he felt was an effect of the crav or this new range of emotion he was allowing himself to feel as he pulled himself out of the tub. Either way he was delighting in it. He dried himself and took out a set of garments he'd never thought he'd wear. Only slightly different than his normal garb, but dressier in material, he pull on tight black pants, a high necked black shirt and over that a long black robe, lined with red striping. He belted over all of it and stood before the mirror. His hair was hitting just past his shoulders now, in effort to look a bit more streamlined he tied it back in a low ponytail at the base of his neck, a few shorter strands falling loose around his face. Lastly, he adorned himself with a crimson cape, fastened by ornate tungsten clasps on each shoulder. For the first time since Snoke had been slain he could see it, sure he'd felt owed the title of Supreme Leader, but now he looked it. No longer just a tortured boy in a mask, but a man capable of overseeing an entire galaxy and bringing down a regime so many before him had failed to do. Pulling on his gloves, he sat down to wait for Chrystalline, finally feeling deserving of his accomplishments.

Chrystalline couldn't contain her excitement as the droids buzzed around her noisily. She sang loudly to herself, applying her own makeup as a few slim droids did her hair. Going to lavish parties was nothing new to Chrystalline, having grown up a congressman's daughter she'd been to more than her fair share, but nothing quite like this and never on the arm of a man at all let alone one so powerful as Kylo. She was quickly coming to realize the words of Galadria weren't far off when she'd called Chrystalline a princess. She certainly felt like one sitting in her lavish room, sorting through the many gowns Kylo had gifted her and now verbally assured in the extent of his feelings for her. All her previous notions of love had been quickly replaced with what she was experiencing now with Kylo. An all encompassing, ever accepting kind of love. He had seen all of her in the short time they'd known each other. All of the parts others had deemed too ugly to reveal and he could still look at her unblinkingly and proclaim his love. She had to shake her head as to not get too caught up in the reality of it just then or she'd surely ruin her makeup with tears.

Finished with her hair the droids pulled her up to dress her. They whirled around her, yanking her this way and that to put on her undergarments and then the gown she'd chosen, finally a corset around her waist which they fitted just a bit too tightly causing her to yelp for breath. She gave herself one more look over in the mirror before deciding she was ready to present herself to him, the man who loved her.

Kylo heard the door open behind him and stood, suddenly nervous as though he was seeing her for the first time again. Smoothing his hair back with one hand as he turned he was taken aback at the sight of her. He had never seen a dress so perfectly filled out before, come to think of it he'd really never seen a woman dressed for any formal occasion in person. She was decked in a draping, crimson gown with a black laser-cut overlay. The slim fitted sleeves ended in delicate loops around her middle fingers and the collar gave way exposing the skin of her neck and shoulders, the contrast of the dress making it shine like porcelain. Corseted at the waist the skirt angled out from just below her hips with layers upon layers of silk and tulle and hanging from just below her shoulder blades, a long swathe of black satin fell in a train behind her. Her hair was perfectly curled in long coils down her back, lightly pinned with a few loose locks bouncing gently around her face. She looked like something out of the picture books his mother read him as a child.

"Chrystalline," he stammered "you're absolutely breathtaking."

Chrystalline smiled, acutely aware of the heat rising in her face as he studied her, inching closer. She could easily say the same of him, even more the dark king she'd watched look proudly upon his new ship. His jaw strong and shoulders seeming even broader as he approached her.

"Thank you, you look quite dashing yourself, I must say." She gave a playful curtsy before meeting him in the middle of the room.

Kylo went to kiss her, but stopped himself realizing she had a bit of paint on her lips to match her gown. He settled on a gentle caress of her neck as he glanced over her rosy cheeks and dark black lashes. He did prefer the face he'd become used to, bare and glowing, hair amiss, but knowing that she had made herself up to look special for him filled him with a certain kind of pride. He would be more than content to sit and admire one another all night with a few more glasses of craw, but he knew she was looking forward to the party and he was grateful for the chance to see her unveil herself so beautifully before the rest of the First Order.

"Well, are you ready to finally get out of this room?" He chuckled, gesturing around them.

"Perhaps one more drink?" She bit her lip sheepishly, hoping he'd agree.

"Thank Gods, yes, one more drink." Laughing he went to refill their glasses, when he returned he thought, to hell with it, and placing a goblet in her hands surprised her with a kiss, letting his free hand grip around her cinched waist. Not moving his lips from hers he clanged their cups together again celebrating them one more time, before the celebration.


	16. Chapter 16

**Sorry the updates are coming few and far between right now! I am swamped with work and school, but I promise to keep them at least once a week right now. Rey definitely still has a place in this story, I just wanted to pull away from the ReyLo thing for a bit and let Kylo have the possibility of someone who doesn't want to change him, maybe that's good and maybe that's bad. Time will tell. To everyone reviewing, following and favoriting, thank you!**

Chapter 16

As they walked from the elevators down the hall to the flight deck they could already hear the music playing and the booming laughter of men. Kylo felt his first tinge of pride in his accomplishment. Although he hadn't fully succeeded in finishing what Vader had started, he did go along with something Vader would never allow, this celebration. In that he could see the difference he intended to bring in the First Order. It didn't have to be all violence and malice, but instead his men could enjoy a life outside of being a trooper now, Kylo was finally beginning to see how important that was not just to them as individuals but to the entire cause itself. If they had continued on murdering indiscriminately surely more men would defect the way FN- 2187 had.

Kylo felt Chrystalline take one big breath in sync with his as they prepared to make their entrance. He squeezed her hand, taking in the sight of her one last time while it was still all his to behold. Then with an assuring nod they stepped up to the door and let it open before them. Immediately the crowd grew silent, surely of the superiors Kylo was last to arrive and thus had everyone waiting just a bit anxiously. After the second of silence, murmurs began to arise throughout the room and the expressions they could make out were definitely asking the question, "Who is she?"

Before Kylo had a second to become indecisive about how he was to introduce her Hux stepped up beside them gesturing towards them and the room.

"Men! Let me take a second to announce your Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren and his accompaniment for the evening, Mistress Chrystalline of Mygeeto!" Kylo wasn't sure he liked that title for her, she'd certainly be around more than an evening, but he decided not to fret about that and nodded at the people of his ship, giving a slight wave as he presented Chrystalline to the crowd. He watched from his peripheral as she gave the crowd a chaste curtsy, she had obviously done this before no doubt as the daughter of a Congressman. The crowd applauded and before they could finish Kylo led Chrystalline off the platform into the crowd.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Chrystalline giggled, taking a glass of crav for each of them off of a droid's serving platter as it wheeled by.

"Not at all, you did beautifully. Something tells me you've had some practice." He smirked, realizing suddenly that all the men surrounding him had never seen him so much as crack a smile. He had been before the constantly seething, red faced, brute who could snap at any moment. For a split second he almost stopped himself from smiling, thinking to hold up the demeanor they had come to fear, but just as quickly he made to forget it, what did it matter now if they saw him enjoy himself. Any man in his right mind would be more than thrilled to have a woman like Chrystalline beside him at a function like this, why could he be? He took it a step further and pulled her in with his free hand, giving her a quick but tender kiss on the lips, he could feel her face smiling beneath them before the broke apart. Their eyes met for a second before they both turned at the sound of Chrystalline's name.

"Chrystalline!" Chrystalline craned her neck to see the face of Hiba, followed by a small train of other girls from the ship. All excitedly making their way towards her. They stopped short before them, bowing in front of Kylo. "Supreme Leader." They all whispered in acknowledgment. Chrystalline looked up at him sweetly.

"Is it alright if I mingle with the girls for a little bit?"

"Of course, I have to make my rounds to the superior officers anyways, wouldn't want to bore you with all that." He let her go from his grasp, raising his glass to the gaggle of chirping girls. "Ladies." He said with an awkward cough before turning to make his way towards where the officers were gathered. Chrystalline gave a squeal and fell in seamlessly with the other girls who quickly took to admiring her gown and whispering about Kylo as he walked away. He couldn't help but puff his chest out slightly as he made his way through the room, he could tell by the looks on so many faces that no one had ever thought they'd see him with a woman on his arm. Ever the lone wolf Kylo had surprised them all with not only a woman, but easily the most beautiful one there, he could only laugh to himself as he imagined their faces if only they could see the way she was alone with him and he with her. He shook his head, no one in that room would ever know him like that, like she did, guard down and vulnerable.

Some of the officers stopped their conversation as Kylo approached, opening their circle to invite him in.

"Congratulations Sir!" exclaimed one and the others raised their glasses to him, smiling nervously before Kylo gave a small grin back.

"Thank you all, obviously I couldn't have done it without all of you, so please drink to yourselves you've all earned it." He watched as they all exchanged befuddled looks amongst themselves, clearly taken aback by his new demeanor. An awkward silence took over the lot of them before Hux interjected himself once again.

"Yes, truly brilliant Sir, you must be so pleased. You've finally finished what's taken multiple regimes to complete. What an absolute triumph!" He gave Kylo a hard pat on the back before freezing, a mortified stare took over his face as he'd realized what he'd just done. He and the officers around them seemed to brace themselves for Kylo's violent reaction and all breathed a sigh of relief when instead, Kylo took a lingering drink from his glass. In another moment they all resumed their own conversations, the crav was taking an observable effect on everyone. Kylo tried to close his ears to the voices as they started drunkenly talking over one another, when that appeared futile he began to walk away not before being caught by the arm by Hux who pulled him back into a smaller circle.

"Sir, forgive me, but I have to ask..." Colonel Datoo cleared his throat, gesturing for Kylo to come closer. "How did you meet the girl you came in here with?" The rest of the officers got quiet again, evidently also curious as to know about Chrystalline.

"She was a comfort maid, traded to us from a prison on Mygeeto. I suppose I liberated her from her position." Kylo stated flatly.

"A comfort maid?" Datoo raised an eyebrow coyly "Well, she must be very, very good at what she does to have come so far as to accompany the Supreme Leader."

Kylo was instantly overtaken with the urge to strangle someone for the first time in a few days, his hands clenched as Datoo chuckled with the other officers at his supposition.

"That's enough." He spoke through gritted teeth and grabbed Datoo's collar without thinking. "It's nothing like that and it's also none of your business." He spat, shoving him away. Hux piped up to ease the tension.

"Nevermind him Sir, it's obvious to me the girl has sparked a bit of a change in you! A good one at that." Hux angled Kylo to Chrystalline's direction. She was beaming, laughing excitedly as she exchanged words with one girl and then another. Kylo had never seen so one so easily and gracefully command attention. He could see even from here all the women in her group were vying for it. "She's beautiful Sir. Really. The kind of beautiful a Supreme Leader deserves." Kylo shook his head at the statement, he didn't deserve her at all. Anyone who spoke to her for more than a few minutes could see that, but he wasn't going to let Hux know that. He smiled, not breaking his gaze from Chrystalline.

"She is... She's a lot more than that though."

"Well, I have no doubt Sir. If it is you who has chosen her."

"Excuse me..." Kylo said as he began making his way towards her without so much as a wave to the rest of the officers. He pushed through the crowd, his mind on nothing but feeling her next to him again, making it known to the crowd that she was indeed his. He was only feet away when the silence he'd procured inside his head was penetrated by sudden shout.

" _BEN!"_ The last time he'd heard his name called like that was when he'd met his father on the bridge. He froze, the room suddenly becoming seemingly empty except for _her._ She was standing just ahead of him, just a bit further from where Chrystalline had been standing. As soon as he'd laid eyes on her the rest of the party came back into view around him. He kept walking, shoving through troopers and droids as he went. Chrystalline noticed him coming closer towards her and her friends, but watched, stunned as he moved past them, eyes glazed, intent on something else. She tried not to look as confused as she felt and kept on conversation with the women, trying desperately to ignore the knot growing in her stomach. Without knowing what was happening she knew it couldn't be good.

Kylo advanced on Rey, grabbing her wrist discreetly to lead her out of the crowded room.

Rey felt a smug sense of satisfaction as she watched him propel angrily through a room of bodies she couldn't see. Of course he had known she wasn't gone but surely he hadn't thought she would show up so soon to taunt him of his failure.

"You got away." He flung her before him in the hall as the doors shut behind them. "Who else did?"

"There's less than there were, a lot less. And that's all you need to know." Rey raised an eyebrow in defiance, rubbing her arm lightly where he had touched her.

"My mother got out didn't she?" Kylo growled. "You can't hide it from me, just say it."

"Yes, she did. She and I, and just two others..."

"Dameron."

Rey didn't need to say anything, the look on her face said it all. Of course he'd gotten out with her, Kylo hated that it bothered him so much, but it did. He could see Poe's smug face now, his arm around Rey like she was his. Like she could ever really be his. As much as he hated to admit it, Rey was still more special than anyone like Poe would ever deserve. If she wasn't going to belong to Kylo, Rey would never truly belong to anyone, not in his eyes.

"Why are you here Rey? To rub it in my face that we did not in fact kill the Resistance? Believe me I know, but can't you see I'm doing you a favor? The hunt according to the First Order is over. You can go, all that's left of the Rebels can. Go, live peacefully and just be! No more fighting, no more running. No more death. Nothing." Kylo's volume grew with his exasperation. Why couldn't this be enough for them?

"You know we want more than that."

"Because you're nothing more than terrorists just like my grandfather said. I think you all enjoy death and destruction even more than we do. I know you're not going to stop until I'm dead, is that what you came to tell me? I know!" Kylo walked forward, backing Rey up towards the wall.

"I just..." Rey turned to the side obviously acknowledging a voice Kylo couldn't hear. He backed away from her and watched as a smile came over her face. "Just talking to myself, sorry, old habit." She giggled. She drew into the invisible person's arms which now Kylo was sure was Poe. "I'm alright, I had plenty. I know I am."

Disgust rose in the pit of Kylo's stomach, all at once he was aware. He could somehow make out Poe's hand as it reached across Rey's belly and she covered it with her own. Kylo's fist shot to his mouth as he stifled a scream. Rey's eyes shot to him briefly, begging his silence, before she ushered Poe from whatever room she was in.

"You're pregnant." He choked. His vision was growing black at the sides, closing in, becoming blurry. He felt himself stumbled as he reached out for the wall behind him to gain his footing.

Rey simply looked up at him, both hands on her stomach now. He didn't need an answer, he could hear it. A small irregular heartbeat beating with hers.

"And you're alright with weakening your bloodline with the likes of Dameron?" He quipped, venom seeping from his words.

"It just happened Ben... and I have always wanted a family, one I could call my own."

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" He hurled himself forward, pinning her where she'd been before.

"Why do you care so much? You have your girl, I have Poe... I thought you were okay with that. What does it matter if I have his baby now?" Kylo stepped back again, she was right... why did it still matter to him so much?

"I just don't understand Rey... I could have given you all of it, everything. I offered you dominion and a partner and we... we could have had that too... A family." The hole in his chest pulsed again for the first time in weeks. He was instantly back in Snoke's chamber where she had refused him.

"That's not the kind of life I wanted... or want."

"Then why keep this up. If you have your family now, the life you want... go be free! Go live and enjoy it, stop Rey, Gods... Stop chasing me for nothing, it won't bring anyone back. Not Han Solo... not Ben." Kylo was baffled. Once again the Force had brought Rey to him just to taunt him. As happy as he felt with Chrystalline, as much as he felt he loved her, to pretend that all his feelings for Rey were so easily squashed was juvenile. He looked at her, searching for an answer. It made no sense now, especially with child to continue the pursuit. She obviously couldn't come up with one either because before she could answer she faded leaving just the wall before him. He reared back and pounded on the wall, wailing with his fists as he let out one long scream of frustration. When his knuckles were close to broke he ceased, straightening his tunic and smoothing back his hair. Despite everything he'd just learned he refused to let his night come to an end so horribly, so he did his best not to furrow his brow and returned to the flight deck to find Chrystalline.


	17. Chapter 17

**Another emotional chapter here, I really appreciate the reviews and favorites! I hope I'm doing you all proud and you're enjoying the story. I know we're all ReyLo fans here, but in this story I've wanted to give something different, and I think some people are liking it and others not, but hey! Sorry the chapters have been coming so slowly lately, overtime at work has been nuts! Anyways, enjoy this crazy chapter everyone!**

Ch. 17

Chrystalline looked up from the chirping women around her as she noticed Kylo's immense form making it's way towards her again, this time his eyes focused solely on her rather than the distance. She thought it better not to ask what had happened just yet, despite seeing on his face it was certainly nothing good. Kylo slipped silently into place next to her, putting one hand on the small of her back as if to tell her he was there. She looked up at him, trying desperately to discern more from his expression. He gave her a weak smile and snatched himself a fresh glass of crav from another roaming droid. Chrystalline said nothing as he threw it back like she'd never seen him do before and grabbed another.

"Ladies, it's been so nice catching up, but if you'll just excuse us for one moment." Chrystalline smiled and gestured to Kylo, hoping his presence alone would disperse them. They were all seemingly too intoxicated by now to take the hint so Chrystalline led Kylo away just enough so they could hear one another. Turning to him she placed a hand gently in the center of his chest and gazed up at him, hoping her eyes alone conveyed what she needed to say.

Kylo read her easily, of course she wanted to know what had happened, but in that moment all Kylo wanted was Chrystalline to himself the way he'd had her since they met. He wanted to sink to his knees, bury his face in her bosom and let her stroke his pain away the way she'd done so many times before. Seeing her face now and her concern for him was almost too much for his heart to take. Would she be as understanding now when he tells her how much it still matters to him that Rey is with someone else and now bearing that man's child? He drew her in and bent his face to her ear.

"I need you... right now, just you." The urgency in his voice made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. He slipped one gloved hand around her waist, gripping her intently. If Chrystalline was being honest with herself, she wasn't quite ready to leave the party. She had been so excited to socialize and enjoy a somewhat normal evening with Kylo at her side, but his eagerness wasn't something she felt she could protest and without a word she began to make her way towards the exit with Kylo close behind, his hand pressing even more into her back as he followed. As they entered the hallway and the flight deck doors closed behind them Chrystalline felt herself suddenly weightless, her feet barely touching the floor as she glided, coming to a stop as her back hit the wall. Before she could take a second to figure out what was happening Kylo was in front of her, his hands on either side of her as he touched his forehead to hers. She waited for him to speak, but when the words didn't come she pried.

"What's going on, Kylo? What happened in there?" She pushed back on him so she could meet his eyes, but he wouldn't look up from the floor as a few jagged breaths filled the space between them before he answered.

"Can you just... just please don't hurt me Chrystalline. I can't take it anymore. If one more person in my life pretends to feel ANYTHING for me... Gods, I can't take the torment!" He let out a guttural yell as he pushed himself off the wall and away from her, gripping his hair with both hands before dropping them slightly to cover his face. As she watched his anguish she knew immediately who sparked the sudden change in him that evening, but chose to ignore it for the time being.

"I promise you..." Chrystalline stepped towards him, placing a hand gently on his forearm, coaxing him to look at her once more. Kylo dropped his hands and met her gaze solemnly. "I'm not pretending."

As soon as she finished the words Kylo was on her again, grasping at every inch of her he could as he pressed his lips harshly to hers. Chrystalline kissed back for a moment, but when they came up for breath for a moment she stopped him from coming in for another.

"Not here." She said quietly, tugging him in the direction of their chambers. He followed without argument, unable to ignore the swell of heat within him. He couldn't tell if it was the crav, the anger he felt towards Rey or just plain arousal from he and Chrystalline's tongues intertwining but it was an unstoppable combination. As soon as the doors shut behind them in her room the heat overwhelmed him and he grabbed her again, one hand tangled in her hair as it cradled her head and the other worked around her waist, massaging as it moved. Not allowing their lips to part again he walked her slowly back towards the bed, lifting her effortlessly onto it when they got there and pushing her skirts up enough so he could settle his hips between her thighs.

Chrystalline knew as soon as his lips had met hers in the hall that this wasn't about her. Once again Kylo was delving into her sensually to distract himself from whatever pain he was feeling, from whatever he and Rey had discussed that night. She wasn't stupid, she could sense it in the roughness of his touch, in the urgency of it, not to mention the smell of crav on his breath. No, this wasn't about her at all, but she didn't feel a need to stop it quite yet. After all, this man just earlier today had told her he loved her and every moment they'd spent together before that had illustrated so, she didn't mind if someone usually so tender got a bit out of hand once in awhile and if it helped him soothe himself, then so be it, she was happy to help.

Kylo pressed into her, his teeth bit eagerly into her lower lip as he eased her back, with his weight on top of her he became very aware of himself, stiff and pulsing beneath the thin layer of his pants between them. Instinctively he shoved more of Chrystalline's skirts out of the way, begging for her to feel it too. As he pressed himself against her center she gasped and gripped both his shoulders with her hands as if to steady him, to slow him down just a bit, but with just the sound of her vocalization it was as if a switch had been flipped, he couldn't stop himself now. His hand crept around her throat and his hips began to grind between hers, causing the heat within him to burn even hotter. He'd never been in this position with anyone before, but now all he could imagine was being buried inside her and hearing her gasp again and cry out in a hurried mix of pain and ecstasy. He tried to keep his focus on the vision of making love to Chrystalline, but soon the image of Poe writhing on top of Rey was barging into his mind's eye. He could see her now, moaning and grasping and shuddering under him as he filled her with his seed.

Chrystalline couldn't help but notice him getting rougher with her by the second. She had been enjoying everything, but the more he pushed to undress her and harder he grasped her around the neck she knew she didn't want it, not like this. Chrystalline put her hands flat against his chest pressed firmly, hoping he would get the hint, but he only pushed into her harder. Completely forgetting about her bandages and scars he clutched at her hips as he pushed her dress up even more causing her to cry out.

"Kylo, slow down, please!" She panted, now actively struggling against him. For a moment she caught his eyes, but they weren't his eyes. Gone were the soulful pools she'd come to know, but instead an almost animal like being stared back at her. His pupils were dilated so fully they almost covered the entirety of his eyes. All at once Chrystalline was hit with a wave of memories she'd forced herself to forget as she wrestled against Kylo's grip, his hands now pinning her wrists to the bed as he continued grinding painfully on top of her. "Stop! Get off me!" She shrieked, no longer seeing Kylo, but the attackers she'd faced as a child... the men her father sold her to. She reared her foot back as best she could and brought her knee up swiftly between Kylo's legs. The impact doubling him and causing him to roll off her, holding himself in agony.

Chrystalline hurried to crawl back away from him into the corner of the bed, she brought all her skirts down around her legs like a protective layer as she wrapped her arms around her knees. She shook her head fiercely, trying to make the thoughts dissipate. She had done so well at blocking them out, but having a man handle her like that again brought them screaming back into view.

Kylo caught his breath, the pain causing him to immediately snap back into reality. He turned to look at Chrystalline, who was now rocking slowly, her face buried in her knees as she muttered to herself. What had he done? He inched closer to her and reached out his hand to stroke her shoulder, but as his touched she shrunk away.

"Please, don't." She whimpered, finally looking up at him to reveal two rivers running down her cheeks, tinted black with her make up. She looked as broken as she had when he found her bleeding out in his chambers.

"Chrystalline, I'm so sorry... I don't know what came over me... I never meant to-" Before he could finish he was rushed with the images filling Chrystalline's mind. He watched as if from her eyes as a man twice her size moved brutally on top of her, clamping his hand over her mouth to muffle her childish screams. He could almost feel the man touching her forcefully just the way he had been touching her just now. Kylo stepped off of the bed in horror, his body beginning to tremble uncontrollably as he realized what he had done. What he had done to someone so perfect, so kind, so undeserving of something so ugly. His hands shot up over his mouth as he looked at her.

"Gods! I'm a monster Chrystalline. I thought I could be different, I thought I could be good to you, but I am exactly what everyone says I am. Look what I've done to you! I'm no better than those men who hurt you, you poor, poor girl. I don't deserve to even look at you, I'm so sorry." As much as he wanted to hoist her up in his arms and console her, he couldn't for fear he'd break her. He felt like he already had.

Chrystalline didn't know what to say, she knew he didn't mean to hurt her. So much had gone on that evening and how could he have known what she'd been through, until this moment she had ceased to have known herself. She looked at him sheepishly, his eyes now wide with fear, he clenched and unclenched his fists over and over beside himself as he paced the floor.

"I know you didn't mean to... you obviously went through something tonight." She drew in a large breath, trying to squelch the sobs that were bubbling from her chest. "I never told you about what happened to me because I didn't want to believe it was true. I didn't want to believe that my father could have loved me so little that he would have let that happen to me. Feeling you touch me like that... it wasn't you. It wasn't what I want for us."

"Of course not Chrystalline, it wasn't what I want for us either. I don't know what that was..." Kylo knew that wasn't fully true. He knew what it was and he hated that his anger for Rey had consumed him so completely that he would act like this towards someone who didn't deserve any of it, but rather the opposite. Kylo walked towards Chrystalline and made to sit beside her, but she put a hand up before he could.

"I'm sorry Kylo, it's not you, but I think I need to be alone tonight..." She pulled her knees in even tighter making herself even more the child Kylo watched in her visions. It made so much more sense to him now where her torment came from. Why she acted out upon herself when she was hurting. And those realizations made him hate himself even more for being the one to force such painful memories from the depths of her subconscious. Perhaps this was the Gods reminding him he could never have someone like this, he could never be with someone in any unconditional way. His sins were unforgivable and he would never deserve something so pure as what he's thought he found in Chrystalline. Of course she didn't want to see him any more tonight, he wouldn't blame her if she never wanted to see him again. At that he nodded at her decision and turned abruptly to go to his room, it took every inch of strength in him not to turn back to look as he heard her rustle behind him.

Chrystalline sighed heavily as she watched the door slide shut behind him and listened as almost immediately things began to crash and clang from behind the door. He'd told her before of his tantrums, but she'd yet to witness one or hear one for that matter. She couldn't blame him for being angry at himself, at the situation. She wished she'd stopped it sooner, as soon as she realized he was using her body, her love for him to escape from whatever it was that had transpired between he and Rey that night. As soon as she'd smelled the crav... as soon as, as soon as. And she was back to blaming herself. Blaming herself for not stopping a man tonight, blaming herself for not speaking up, blaming herself for not being a better daughter so maybe her father wouldn't have needed to sell her for extra money. At least that's what he had told her at the time.

All of the memories left a film over her brain, over her skin. She felt filthy. She looked down at herself, at the beautiful gown Kylo had gifted her and she couldn't get it off fast enough. Her filthy skin had never deserved to wear this dress. She had to take it off immediately lest she soil it even further. What had he seen in her, but someone damaged. The sobs came freely now as she sat herself in the bath, she hadn't sent for the droids, but there was still water from that morning so she poured it over herself, freezing cold.

'This is all I deserve.' She thought as she scrubbed at every inch of her skin as if she was trying to remove it. She scrubbed and scrubbed until she was raw, still hearing faint crashing coming from behind he door. When she had finally tired herself she stepped out of the water, shivering. Dressing herself in a sheer nightgown and black robe she climbed under the covers and clamped her eyes shut, praying for sleep, days of sleep if she could bear it. She hoped the Gods would allow her to shove the memories down even further than before, perhaps they didn't hear her because as she tossed and tried to settle herself the scene played on repeat in her head. Every time more vivid than the rest. She stayed like that for hours, fitful and alone. Unable to calm herself she thought of how this was the first night she'd been without him and although earlier that was what she'd wanted, what she'd needed, now she needed him there. She needed his arms to wrap around her and protect her from herself, from the thoughts. She slipped out of the bed and tiptoed across the floor.

She leaned against the door frame as the door slid open unveiling the damage he'd done. Kylo's room looked like a hurricane had passed through it. The desk had been broken in two, the mirror shattered on the wall, every book in his library shredded and there was Kylo. Laid out shirtless on the bed like a fury exhausted child. She stepped gingerly around the mess as she made her way towards him, climbing into the bed carefully as not to wake him, but as soon as her knee hit the mattress he shuddered awake.

He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could Chrystalline placed a finger in front of his lips. She kissed him gently on the forehead and turned, snuggling herself into the shell that was his body. He took the hint and hugged her in close, breathing in the scent of her hair as they both drifted, finally, to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**So sorry for the delay in updates! Life has been crazy but I'm back on track and hoping to update again by Monday. I think this chapter will make up for my absence just a bit. ;) Enjoy!**

Chapter 18

Kylo awoke abruptly, his head pounding as he rose from the bed to lay his eyes upon the wreck that was his room. He gave Chrystalline's sleeping form a once over, beyond relieved she had made her way back to him, although he knew he didn't deserve it. Everything that had transpired the night before began hitting him over the head in waves. For the first time in a long time he had no idea how to proceed, with any of it. Would he be back at square one with Chrystalline? Would he be able to contain his emotions as a child swelled in Rey's belly that was not his? He tried to slow the thought process, but as it all reared itself again he felt his self hatred flaring. He removed himself from the bed, punishing himself by putting space between he and Chrystalline. He knew if he was to feel right about them he would have to earn her affection back in earnest. There was no way after last night that she wouldn't feel like she came second and he couldn't have that.

He crept about the room as not to wake her, picking up what he could of the mess he'd created. He was grateful that at the very least he could actually focus on Chrystalline now that the current mission of the First Order was to establish home planets. He planned to help make her future home everything she had ever dreamed. Everything that she had never been given. Somewhere she would never have to question if she was safe or truly loved.

Chrystalline began to stir gently, emitting a tiny moan as she propped herself up. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and let them focus on Kylo as he collected his books from the floor. She was immediately ready for an explanation, he owed that to her. What had Rey said or done last night to put him in such a state? As ready as she felt she didn't know how to start so instead she just set her mind on it, hoping he'd pick up on her insistence.

Kylo looked up from the floor nervously, feeling Chrystalline's eyes bore into him. He knew exactly what she wanted to know, so taking a deep breath he steadied himself to tell her.

"Chrystalline, I know that you've picked up on the fact that Rey came to me at the party. I have no control of when she does and I can't explain why it seems she only does so to infuriate me. Despite surviving our attack on their hide out, the remaining four members of the Resistance refuse to quit... I told her this was their chance to live out their lives peacefully and that the guns of the First Order were no longer on them. I have no problem letting Hux and everyone else continue to believe they're dead." Kylo could feel himself growing angrier just thinking about Rey's arrogance, his fists clenched as he continued through gritted teeth. "I don't know how they think they're going to bring down the First Order now, let alone kill me... but that's still their goal."

Chrystalline had to admit she didn't understand it. Why in the galaxy would a group of four people think they still had a chance at defeating Kylo and the First Order? And what was Rey's endgame in continuing to incite Kylo? It was clear she got some sort of sick pleasure out of antagonizing him, but surely this couldn't have been all she said to bring out a side of Kylo quite like that.

"Not only did she come to tell me they wouldn't quit in their pursuit of me but, it came to light that she is... with child. I don't think she meant to tell me that, but it was made obvious." Kylo felt the nausea return as the words left his mouth. He picked up his desk chair and slumped into it. Suddenly exasperated by the thought of it. "And honestly Chrystalline, I don't know why it bothers me so greatly... she made her choice and I've made mine, but knowing she would do that with him and not me, despite all I could have given her it just... hurts." He seethed, certain that his words were easily enough to push Chrystalline away. As much as he didn't want that, he wouldn't allow himself to lie to her. Not after everything he'd put her through last night.

Chrystalline let his words sort themselves out in her mind before she began to answer him. She wasn't sure exactly what to say, but she couldn't blame him for how he was feeling. It hadn't been that long ago that he didn't even know of her existence and felt deeply for someone else, she wasn't ignorant enough to ignore that.

"Kylo, it's entirely possible to love two people at once. Being upset over this isn't in any way being dishonest or disingenuous to me or what it is we have, I hope you understand that. I'm so sorry you're hurting."

Kylo looked at her in amazement. Once again he found himself wondering how he had been so blessed as to discover someone so selfless and understanding. The anger and shame he had felt while explaining what had happened all but faded and was instantly replaced by an engulfing swell of warmth, one he was becoming all too familiar with when he was around her. Immediately he was reminded that this was something to live for... this feeling, this connection was worth fighting for over anything else. He stopped himself from running to her in that moment, worried she was still gun shy to his touch, but instead he stood and sat gingerly on the edge of the bed biting his lip to contain his emotion as he looked at her sweet, sincere face.

"Gods, Chrystalline... you truly are a gift. If I hadn't met you, I have no idea where I'd be right now. You've helped me so much more than I can convey. How can someone so young be so wise about these things?" He held out his palm, hoping she would take it.

Chrytalline smiled up at him, grasping his hand. She had to admit it amused her that someone with so much power and strength could be so childlike at the same time. His ideas of love were even more skewed than her own which she hadn't previously thought possible. She hoped she could show him and make him feel undoubtedly how much she cared for him. He certainly needn't think her love was so fleeting that one incident would end it forever. With a slight tug she pulled him down next to her so they laid facing one another and gently placed her hand on his cheek.

"I may be young, but I've experienced enough in this life to see through someone's pain. What happened last night would never erase everything you've done for me, everything you've made me feel. You're not a monster Kylo, far from it. You're still that hurting child inside who feels abandoned and afraid. And every time someone betrays you it reignites that pain. I don't have to master the Force to be able to see that."

He hated how right she was. The feeling of her hand so sweetly caressing his face as she spoke brought tears to his eyes.

"You're not alone anymore my love. As long as I'm around... you'll never be alone."

Kylo's throat swelled tightly at her words. He gripped her waist, struggling to speak as he choked down a grateful sob. Chrystalline nodded, she didn't need to hear what he was trying to say to know how much he appreciated her.

Without asking for permission he placed his lips on hers, hoping it was okay. He didn't know how else to express how greatly he felt for her in that moment. She didn't shrink away this time, but kissed him back tenderly, pulling him closer to her as she did. She could feel his heart pulsing quickly as their bodies pushed flush against each other, the heat rising from his skin was impossible to ignore. Kylo's hands began to rove nervously over her, careful not to touch her gruffly as he had last night. Chrystalline drew herself even closer into him, wanting him to realize it was okay, that she knew this was different. She threaded her fingers through his hair as she became the one to grasp at him with an unrelenting fervor. She hoisted her leg over his hip and brought him on top of her as their mouths continued to hungrily search the other's. She could feel him even more obviously than before hard between her legs as they began to move together, the length of him beneath his pants stroking back and forth against her center.

Kylo was suddenly inescapably aware of her wetness seeping through her nightgown and his pants as he continued to grind against her rhythmically. Instinctively he brought a hand between them and traced it slowly up her leg, giving her a chance to stop him, but she didn't and instead tilted her hips as if insisting he continue. He could feel the warmth of her on his fingertips before they even reached a stopping point, the sensation causing him to break their kiss in excitement. Kylo looked at Chrystalline, his fingers centimeters from delving into her and she met his gaze, holding it and gripping his shoulder tightly, closing the last few centimeters herself and gasping gently as he finally touched her, his fingers slipping nimbly over her folds.

Kylo felt himself grow painfully hard as he let his fingers explore her, watching her face change excitedly as he pushed them effortlessly inside her. Feeling her walls clench around him as he began to slowly thrust them back and forth within her was unlike anything he had ever imagined, he was overtaken with the urge to be even closer to her and as her juices bathed his hand, with the need to taste her. Without stopping he began drawing up the rest of her nightgown with his other hand to reveal her to him, moving himself closer, enough that he could almost smell her.

Chrystalline suddenly grasped his hand with hers, stopping him from lifting her skirt any further.

"My scars..." She squeaked. "They're so ugly." She felt her face grow hot with embarrassment and covered it as he looked up at her perplexed. He pulled his fingers out of her and sat up on his knees, easing her hands away from her face, his eyes soulful and searching.

"Chrystalline look at me." He traced the scar across his face and chest. "Do you think my scar makes me ugly?"

She shook her head timidly, of course she didn't. She didn't even really notice it anymore, it was just a part of him... immediately she understood and felt herself relax again.

"Exactly." He smiled, pushing her gown up again. This time she helped him and once it reached her waist pulled it up and off around her head, taking a deep breath as she exposed herself fully to him for the first time. She shivered, her nipples rising to attention as the cold air hit them and a flood of goosebumps covered her skin in a combination of chill and nervousness. She felt her face grow red as Kylo sat motionless, taking in the every inch of her.

He couldn't believe someone so flawless could ever call anything about themselves ugly. She was like a painting, her scars only adding to the complexity that was her. She hugged her arms around her chest feeling suddenly too vulnerable, but Kylo stopped her, easing her back down to the bed under him. He kissed her gently on the lips again, his hand tracing lightly up her side making her shiver again at the sensation.

"You're perfect sweet girl. Just perfect." Kissing her again he let his fingers return between her legs, dipping into her wetness and massaging gently around her most sensitive part causing her to buck slightly beneath him as he brought his lips to her neck and collarbone, kissing and sucking as he progressed lower.

Chrystalline couldn't remember ever having been touched so tenderly. Her lovemaking with Abel although novel was always quick and mechanical in fashion without anything extra to indulge her. As Kylo's lips closed around her nipple and drew in, the tip of his tongue circling around it she almost couldn't take it and she knew it was obvious as the wetness seeped to cover her inner thighs.

Kylo used each twitch of her body for clues as how to proceed, releasing one nipple and clasping shut around the other, intensifying the speed of his fingers around her now pulsing clit. Her moans growing louder as he did so. He had never felt so powerful, this beautiful woman trembling and crying out beneath him, opening for him more each passing second. He kissed every visible inch of her taunt, porcelain skin that he could. Easing his was down her stomach and to her hips, feeling the roughness of her scars and kissing them just as tenderly as the rest to show her how much he meant it. Her hands gripped everything she could of him, trying and failing to steady herself as his tongue now traced down her pelvis and teased the thin skin of her groin. Daring her to stop him, he paused and looked up at her again, his mouth hovering over her cunt. She squirmed as his breath hit her, hot and jagged making her head fall back in anticipation. He couldn't hold himself still any longer, the smell of her was too intoxicating not to taste. He replaced his fingers with his mouth, covering her wholly with his tongue, lapping her juices hungrily, burying himself in her warmth.

Chrystalline gasped as he flicked his tongue eagerly over her clit. For someone who'd never done anything like this before he definitely could have fooled her. He pushed her legs up around his head, exposing her to him even more as he continued to devour her, letting out small grunts as he did. She had never felt so desired, her body so badly needed. Feeling him so eagerly enjoy her was easily pushing her to the edge. She could barely catch her breath to squeak out, "Kylo..." As a familiar heat engulfed her core and she felt herself begin to shake. He only held her tighter to his face as she began to rock beneath him, moaning louder with each growing spasm.

Kylo didn't want it to end as a gush of liquids flooded his mouth with her final contractions and only didn't when she felt him lightly push him away, no longer able to stand the pleasure he was inflicting. He looked up at her proudly, knowing he'd definitely done something right.

Chrystalline bit her lip and laughed when she saw his self satisfied smiled.

She beckoned him to her pulling him up and kissing him, tasting herself all over his mouth. As he pressed into her she nearly jumped as his length, now throbbing, struggled against the fabric of his pants. Kylo let out a groan as she gripped it tightly and pushed him onto his back with a coy smile she purred, "Your turn."


	19. Chapter 19

**So I'm the absolute worst, so sorry for not updating in so long! Depression is awesome, but I finally pulled myself out of it. Hope y'all enjoy the chapter, a little fluffy and a lot of explanation but I'm setting us up for some serious shit. Enjoy!**

Chapter 19

Kylo stopped her and pulled her face back to his, he knew he was too aroused to let her hands explore as much as they were trying to at that moment. He lightly took her hand and let out a quivering breath feeling the ache as his length pulsed with anticipation. He heard her moan a small sigh of disappointment beneath his lips but smiled in knowing it could only get better from here.

"We have all the time in the world sweet girl, no need to rush." He relished in running his hands up and down her bare skin. He knew he could easily lay like this the rest of the day, the taste of her still lingering on his tongue. Bringing her such pleasure was almost enough to push him over the edge himself, he knew it wasn't going to take much to finally do so, having never allowed himself to enjoy such things. Even alone. Snoke had made it clear to do so was to be weak and to expend one's power for nothing and to give it to a woman was an even more abhor-able offense, but it was clear to Kylo now that was far from the truth. Physical affection was easily one of the most powerful things in the universe, he couldn't believe he had settled for being so deprived for so long.

Chrystalline wriggled anxiously beside him, eager to make Kylo feel as incredible as he had made her feel. He was right they didn't need to rush, but to stop them there was almost cruel. His self control was admirable to say the least. Her writhing was put to a startling halt by a sudden, sharp knock on the door.

"Uh, Supreme Leader!" Called Hux nervously. "I'm sorry to bother you right now, but we've received an urgent transmission."

Kylo rolled his eyes and pulled the covers back, pecking Chrystalline quickly on the forehead before he stood from the bed.

"I'll only be a minute love." He adjusted himself in his pants uncomfortably, trying to make it a bit less obvious as to what was happening. "Give me a moment, Hux." He grunted.

As the door slid open he saw Hux, a bit more pale and sweaty looking that usual trying hard not to stare awkwardly at Kylo's bare chest and torso.

"What is it? I told you we'd resume locating a base system tomorrow, today is for rest. Everyone deserves it."

"Yes Sir, I know. I hate to have to disturb you, but the entire galaxy is receiving transmissions from Chrystalline's father and the rest of the Congress of Mygeeto asking for her prompt return. He's sent out his own search party and is offering a very large reward and I... I'm just worried that we'll be at risk for harboring her."

Kylo raised an eyebrow in surprise, that certainly wasn't anywhere close to the news he was expecting.

"No one knows she's still here except the people on the ship. I hope everyone is aware of the punishment that would await them if they spoke of her whereabouts to anyone."

"Well of course Sir, but wouldn't it be simpler just to return her? I'm sure she misses her family and it's adding unnecessary stress on our new regime." Hux bumbled with his words, trying heroically not to upset Kylo right after their victory.

"I can assure you her father is not the man I'm sure he's presenting himself to be. She's better off here with me, trust me on that. Pay this transmission no mind Hux. Thank you for making me aware, but it's not our concern." Kylo tried to downplay the situation as much as he could. The First Order didn't need anymore information than they already had, as long as she was with him she would be fine. That was all anyone needed to know.

"Alright Sir, I'll be in contact with you tomorrow, we're closing in on some possible systems."

Kylo nodded in agreement and watched Hux turn and leave just as nervously as he'd approached. He took a deep breath and turned to go back to his room, scrambling for the easiest way to tell Chrystalline without causing her to worry.

Chrystalline sat up as he reentered the room, clutching the covers to herself as she did. She was immediately struck by the look of concern on Kylo's face as his eyes met hers.

"What...what is it?" Before she could ask anymore Kylo sat beside her, easing his back flush against the headboard and motioned for her to move in closer to him. He tucked her into the crook of his arm and wrapped around her while using the other hand turned on his hologram projector. An faint, shaky image of her father sprang into view, hovering just out of reach.

"I'm begging the people of the galaxy to help me find my daughter Chrystalline and return her safely home to me. She is dearly loved and missed on her home planet of Mygeeto and the heroes who are able to return her here will be greatly rewarded. Please, help us." As quickly as it appeared it was gone and Chrystalline looked up at Kylo wide eyed and disgusted by the display.

"You don't believe him do you? You don't mean to take me back there?" Her voice broke in confusion.

"No! No, not at all. I believe you and everything you've told me Chrystalline. I would never take you back to that man after everything he's put you through. I just wanted you to see for yourself. Hux is slightly concerned that this will draw too much attention and put us at risk to people trying to find you, but you're with me... Please don't doubt for a moment that I'll protect you. Above everything else... I'll always protect you." He steadied her chin with his hand as he vowed the last words.

"Thank you..." Kylo could see on her face the uneasiness seeing her father again had caused. Gods, it had been just last night that she recalled the horrific trauma he'd put her through, this poor girl just couldn't catch a break. All he wanted now was to shower her with everything she'd ever wanted in a home. He was ecstatic at the chance to build something from the ground up with her by his side.

"Please, don't fret sweet girl. All I want you thinking about is what you want and I'll make it happen. With the new planet and living quarters... with me. How can I make you feel safe?" He caressed her face gently as he spoke, trying to bring back the smile she'd had just moments ago.

"You've done so much for me already Kylo, I'll be happy just to be with you... wherever we end up. I feel safe just knowing you care, really I do. I want to forget my father and every horrid thing I experienced on that wretched planet ever happened. And I want you to leave all the pain you've experienced behind us too. I hope that you can. You're always asking me what I want, but what about you? You've accomplished so much, almost everything you've set out to and I still see so much want and pain in you. Do you even know what you're looking for anymore?"

Kylo opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't think of anything to say. She was so right. He'd been so twisted up since he killed Han Solo, since feeling like he'd found an equal in Rey and being so harshly rejected... even after finally killing off all but four of the Rebels he hadn't given himself a moment to let anything sink in and realize if any of it made a difference to the battle going on inside him.

"For so long all I've wanted is an end to the agony and confusion I've felt all my life. When I initially felt like the light had deceived me and my family had failed me so greatly... killing all that was light seemed the best thing to do, but with each person I picked off the hole inside me only grew more massive. Throbbing inside me like the bottomless pit it is. Then I thought, well Force, I knew that squashing the Resistance and leading the First Order to control the whole galaxy the way Vadar had envisioned was my destiny. Surely, that would satisfy me..." Kylo trailed off, the entirety of everything he'd done weighing heavy in the air around him. He brought a hand to his face in contemplation. "But then there's Rey... and my mother, Snoke would strike me down for admitting this, but I don't want them dead. For some reason no one else can see the gray areas that I feel I'm sliding towards... as much pain as they caused me and even though Rey would probably kill me right now given the chance I can't bring myself to do it or to even desire to do so."

Chrystalline was enthralled, watching Kylo work all of this out in front of her having obviously never stopped to think about it all before. She took in every twitch in his expression, his eyebrows knitting and unknitting, his jaw clenching with emotion. It was a priceless observation. She squeezed his hand in solidarity, urging him to proceed.

"The only thing that has given me any calm or solace is you Chrystalline, and knowing you care enough about me to stick around... that's something I've never felt before and I will never stop thanking you for it. When you told me you loved me I felt more human than I have ever felt in my life and the feelings that I have for you I can see now are what it truly feels like to care for someone else. What I feel for Rey was... curiosity at first and the Force bond Snoke put between us confused that and it has continued to. What she feels for me certainly isn't love, she sees me as a tool to help end the First Order and other than that I think she was just as confused as I was. Laying it all out in front of me now all that I want is..." He pivoted to look at Chrystalline face on. His eyes were searching and sincere, taking her all in once again that morning.

"You... I don't want to live another moment of this life without you and your compassion. You are the only person I've ever encountered that wasn't frightened of me or what I am and more than that you've never tried to change me. You don't even want to. Chrystalline I am so undeserving of the unconditional love you've demonstrated to me. I had come to believe it wasn't even possible. With the First Order in it's rightful place ruling the Galaxy and knowing that despite everything Rey and what is left of the Resistance still seeks to end me all I want to focus on is what we have right now. Both of us have the opportunity to start a life with someone who actually cares for us and right now that's all that matters." He listened to the words as they exited his mouth, hearing his own intent for the first time as well.

Chrystalline was stunned into silence, even Abel's proposal hadn't been so genuine. She had never previously been able to imagine a future for herself in which she felt truly secure in herself, in someone's intentions towards her, but as Kylo put words to it she could make out something tangible. A future with him that wasn't shaky or easily broken.

"I hope that myself and what the First Order can offer you will be enough, you deserve so much more."

"Enough? Are you kidding? Kylo you could strip all of this away, the beautiful room, the gowns, whatever you have intended for us on this new planet and I would still be content just to have you. I know you don't see yourself the way I do, you can't look past the things you've done, but I can. You're a good man. In everything you've done for me I see that, I know that to be true." Chrystalline stopped, Kylo had looked away, his face had grown flush.

"I've done so many horrible things Chrystalline." He choked, trying and failing to force down the lump growing in his throat. "Things I can never come back from."

Chrystalline took his hands in hers and placed her forehead against his, trying to sync her breathing with his.

"I know my love, but that isn't the reality we live in anymore. Yes, those things happened, they don't have to anymore and you don't have to keep looking back and punishing yourself for things you can't change. You've assured me that once the Resistance was done with that the First Order wouldn't seek to cause destruction anymore, that's where we are. From here forward everything can be the way you've envisioned it to be and more, because now we have one another to hold on to as well." She didn't move as she felt a tear drop hit her skin, simply squeezed his hands closer to her heart.

"Let the past die..." Kylo whispered, mostly to himself.

"Precisely." Chrystalline clenched her muscles firm as he fell heavy in front of her, wrapping his arms around her waist and laying his head in her lap, no longer holding back as the sobs wracked from deep in his stomach. This was something else, Chrystalline could feel the air in the room shift. If the past was to die it was doing so right now, rushing out of Kylo in gusts as he finally let it all go. Everything he'd done, everything he'd seen, everyone who'd betrayed him. All of it. She didn't dare think to stop him, she just held him and let it come. He had watched her mourn everything behind her and now it was his turn. As much as it hurt to see him ache, all she felt was hopeful, everything they were to one another was becoming real and everything Kylo was meant to be was reaching fruition and Gods, it was beautiful.


End file.
